Due date coming up, feeling very low

[SpringBlossom]

I lost my baby at nineteen weeks, in October 2009. It feels like a lifetime ago and yet over the last few months I've been strangely comforted by the knowledge I was 'within the time I would have been pregnant'. The passing of Elliott's due date in three and a half weeks time is really frightening me as then it will 'all be in the past'.

To make matters worse, last week I had a myomectomy which the consultant concerned promised would sort out a giant fibroid that caused a placental abruption and therefore my miscarriage. He was very cocky about his ability to do this (which left me asking 'If it's so easy why did no one ever suggest trying to sort this out prior to me undergoing IVF to get pregnant?) Anyway, Mr Cocky got his come uppance cos when they opened me up they found out the fibroid is inoperable. He didn't come and see me afterwards and left his lovely registrar to come and break the news.

I am 40 in three weeks and my due date is ten days later. I've just been told it's highly unlikely I'll be able to have a baby - or if I manage by some miracle of IVF to get pregnant, it will be a high risk pregnancy for both the baby and myself.

I can't explain how terrible I feel.

Oh SpringBlossom, I'm so so sorry for you. I don't have any advice, I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

Can you try and plan something nice for Elliots due date, a nice lunch with your partner and a long walk or something you enjoy doing?

I'm so sorry - I lost two babies early on and felt very weird around due dates. Can't say anything useful really - just sorry. Very upsetting when it feels like it's just a job or an interesting challenge to docs - remember that when we were undergoing treatment.

Hi Spring Blossom I am so sorry that you are going through this. I can understand in part how u feel, my DC2 was due on the 3rd March and I still cant believe I had a MC (though I was "luckier" as mine was at 7 weeks). I too never dreamt that I would reach the due date and not be pregnant again.

Thinking of u xxx

Springblossom, words can't express how sad I feel for you. I tried to get pg for many years - also miscarried - and woke up on my 40th birthday, still childless, and burst into tears.

Fortunately I did get my miracle baby, but I won't be so crass as to promise you a happy ending. What you do need, though, is a consultant who cares about you and who you trust, and some good emotional support. Who do you have around you to get you through this very difficult month?

how very sad, so sorry for your loss, i cant possibly imagine how harrowing it must be to lose a baby at 19 weeks.i feel very for you that your consultant was so cocky about his supposed ability to remove your fibroid, he shouldnt have made promises he couldnt keep.

Thanks to people who responded. Yesterday was a dreadful day but such is life I feel more able to cope today. Hester, thank you for telling me about your miracle baby. I don't know that that will happen for me but it's so good to hear it can happen for some people! I've got a lot of good things in my life and I know I need to think about those things...

Re-consultant. I don't blame him for not being able to operate but really he should never have been so bl**dy sure of himself. I felt quite suspicious but my poor partner really bought into the idea that this was going to fix everything for us. It's been a huge shock to have such a bleak outcome. To not come and see me in the 48 hours following surgery whilst I was still in hospital was really poor and shows, I think, that he knew he'd made a meal of it. I am sure he'd have hotfooted it round double quick time if it had all been a marvellous success so we could all have told him how clever he'd been.

Ho hum. Happy Saturday everybody.

Sorry to read that Springblossum - I've tears in my eyes.

My due date was the 29 March - and I had a MMC in August. Its one of those dates you know your going to have to get through.

I've been seeing someone and talking about this which has really helped but still dreading THAT day. Me and DH have recently been talking about how we sad he felt at losing the baby as well. Keep talking to your DP and be gentle with yourself.

So sorry SpringBlossom. I lost a little boy at 20 weeks 8 years ago. It's a horrible time, I thought my heart was going to break. I can remember seeing other pregnant women & thinking "my tummy should be that big by now" & like you, dreaded my due date. But do you know what, it came & it went. I lit a candle for my precious boy & we also went to the garden of remembrance at the crem, sounds morbid but I just wanted to feel close to him again.

You will never forget your baby but as time moves on you learn to live with it. I still dread due dates & the dates I actually lost them (I lost another baby at 12 weeks almost 1 year to the day later) I feel for you so much, take care of yourself.
x

I'm so sorry for your loss, SpringBlossom. It's so hard, but after a while, the good days start to outnumber the bad. It just takes quite a bit of time (and work).

Like you, I dreaded my due date, which was 28 December. I've a job providing music at a church, and it seemed unbelievably cruel that I should have to work the day I should have been giving birth, especially so close to Christmas. Even the two weeks leading up to that day were awful. One of my friends, who is a therapist and has been through MC himself, suggested that I light a candle and cry, and then go out and do something a child would do, like visit a playground or a park, or make snow angels or snowmen if the weather allowed. He told me it would seem like torture, but I'd feel better afterward, and he was right.

Don't be surprised, when you get there, if the anniversary of your MC is a dreadful day for you, too. I'd been vaguely worried, and thought I'd just feel a bit sad, but as the day approaches (3 May), I find I'm really having a difficult time of it. It caught me off guard, and that made me angry, and it's become a bit larger-than-life at this point. I only share this so maybe you can go through it with a bit more grace than I have.

I'm so sorry. Please take care of yourself, and allow others to help take care of you.