Please help - missed miscarriage at 8 weeks

[babyinacorner]

Hi - Would have been 8+1 today but a visit today to the EPAC showed that there was no heartbeat and the foetus had died at 7 weeks approx (there was a heartbeat at 6+1)

I would appreciate anybody's advice on what to do next - the hospital advised me of the three options (surgical,medical or natural) I have had no bleeding so far.

Part of me really wants to take the medical option so I don't have to go through the pain of the inevitable miscarriage but on the other hand I feel that I should go with nature and at least I will have a chance to see everything and say goodbye. I'm so confused. Will the miscarriage be horrendous? Does anyone with any experience have any advice?

Thanks

Babyinacorner, I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks and discovered at the scan my baby had died at about 11 weeks. I know that making the decision of how to manage the miscarriage is a very difficult one. I felt that I wanted it to be very private and was a bit worried about the medical and surgical procedures. I chose to wait for things to happen naturally, although I don't think that I could have waited for more than a week. The hospital gave me the option to call them at any time if I wanted the surgery. As someone else suggested here, I went to a nice peaceful place and made a symbolic gesture to say goodbye. When the miscarriage actually happened I got bad period type pains for a while, then my waters actually broke, so there was a bit of warning. If you choose this option you'll probably need to be prepared with something like a bowl. It really depends if you think you would find the natural way too distressing. I hope your hospital have been helpful in talking you through it all. Many people do choose to bury their baby after a miscarriage, your hospital or the Miscarriage Association should be able to give you advice about this as there are some guidelines I think. Or if the hospital handle miscarriages sensitively with cremation you may be able to take your baby back to them. Many hospitals also have a memorial book you can write in. Take good care of yourself.

I mc the same as you; pg stopped at 7 weeks, I found out at 8.5 weeks. It was a lot of blood but relatively painless. I obviously don't want to say anything to sway you in the wrong direction but you may well be okay letting things happen at their own pace. It was by no means horrendous or painful. Just, as I said, a lot of blood and that lasted for a while.

I was all for planting a tree in baby's memory etc, but everytime I thought of doing it I just fell apart. I was far better off just putting down to one of those things and not humanising it too much. I coped with it by talking about it to anyone who'd listen (missing out the details of course). Slowly I got emotionally better and six months later had a viable pg. Now I have 10 month old son and it's all behind me thank goodness.

Sorry about your experience. It really is very shit.

Thank you for everyone's messages of support.

I have decided to go with the surgical option and am booked in for tuesday - of course nature may take over in the meantime.

I have spoken to the hospital and they will let me be rescanned to look for myself and they are looking into me keeping the remains. Lixanismapolium - that is a nice idea about the helium balloon - i think we may do something similar with a chinese paper lantern that you light on fire and floats into the sky.

Sorry to hear this.

I had a missed miscarriage in Dec 05. Because I had fibroids I couldn't have a DNC. Funnily enough I started bleeding the day after the scan. I had the scan on 20 December, continued to bleed over Christmas and then went back to the hospital on 27 December when I was given tablet for a medical miscarriage. I then lost my little bean the next day. During this time I had been reading a book by Prof Lesley Regan Miscarriage What Every Woman Needs to Know. Because I had read it in the book, when I passed my bean we collected it and sent it to The Doctor's Lab who analaysed and let me know that there had been a chromosomal abnormality but nothing to indicate I would be any more likely to have another miscarriage. When the bean did pass away it was like a very bad period pain.

Hi babyinacorner. I hope tomorrow isn't too awful and you're feeling ok. Take care x

I don't know if the rescan is to reassure you there is no heartbeat again but if it is,just to let you know i asked for the same .
Take care and its ok to grieve and be upset.
I think a missed misc like this can be a bit traumatic,so look after yourselfxx

Thank you headfairy and morningsun. Yes the scan is to reassure me that there is no heartbeat, don't think I could go through with the erpc tomorrow otherwise. Not feeling too bad at the moment, just spaced out and numb. Think it will hit hard tomorrow.

Will be thinking about you tomorrow baby.

I hope it goes ok. Be very kind to yourself tomorrow, I don't know if they keep you in overnight, but if they don't or when you get home, take some time to grieve, watch a soppy movie, eat lots of chocolate, whatever helps.

I'm really sorry to hear about your news. I'm going through what I think is a miscarriage right now, and I am very upset as well. I had light pink bleeding and so was sent for a scan that same day at about 8 weeks. The peanut had a slow heartbeat of 88, and this concerned my doctor but I had not yet given up hope since I thought that the baby may have been younger than that since I have long cycles... however, my hopes were further diminished as my bleeding got heavier over the next three days. I went to by OB and she said she was sure that I was miscarrying, but I had not yet dialated and passed the sac. I'm devastated since we just saw it on the screen with a heartbeat, and I don't know if it's gone yet. I'm also afraid about what might happen and where I'll be when it does. I wonder about how big the baby will be, will I recognize it as a fetus? I'm very tortured with these dark thoughts.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I had a missed mc recently that miscarried at 9 weeks but the embryo didn't develop beyond 6 weeks.

I had a natural mc in the end but would have gone for EPRC had it taken much longer to naturally come away. I'm glad it happenned naturaly in the end because although it was painful and quite shocking in terms of how much blood there was I am happier knowing that my body dealt with things itself IYSWIM because it seems to have got back to normal quite quickly.

However, I know lots of people here had EPRC's and their bodies got back to normal very fast too and prob with less bleeding.

I would probably choose the natural route if this happens again but will make sure I am stocked up on painkillers and don't have much scheduled.

Hi - just wanted to say that I have had the procedure today and it all went as smoothly as can be expected. they gave me a scan and turned the screen so I could see everything myself. In the space of 4 days since my scan friday you could see that the foetus had already started to degenerate and be abrorbed back into my body.it was reassuring to see it for myself and know that it was def. all over - (god i'm morbid) and again they gave me the products that they took from my body so that I can bury them under the tree in our garden. It may sound a bit weird and they did look at me a bit strange but I felt it was the right thing to do.

Anyway, I'm glad I chose to go down this route in the end. Although my preference would have been to miscarry naturally there were no signs that my body was going to do that plus I have a 19month old ds to consider and I thought if it did end up being harrowing then seeing mummy in a right state might not be too nice for him. I guess I was just lucky that I had that choice - obviously I'm well aware that many of you haven't had that luxury and I can appreciate it must have been very tough for you.

I really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to post on this thread and share their experiences - it has really helped me a put things into perspective realising there are a lot of people in the same boat as me and worse.

wendyprime - am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Could you try phoning the miscarriage association for help - they were really helpful for me. I did ask her as well about seeing the foetus if I passed it naturally - the honest answer is that you just don't know - sometimes if everything passes as a whole you may see the foetus. Equally you may not see anything
recognisable. I think for me seeing is believing so it would have been helpful to see it but equally I think a lot of women feel the polar opposite and it would be the worst thing ever. I truly hope everything goes ok for you and if you can face it ring the m.association and get some support.

wasabipeanut - thank you for your post and sorry as well that you have had a similar experience. I appreciate what you said about passing it naturally and as I said before it would have been my first choice but as I said before - they think the baby died at 7 weeks - i would have been nearly 9 now and there was no indication that my body was giving it up! infact if anything I have started to have a bit more sick recently where i suppose the hormones were still rushing round.weird.

babyinacorner - I'm glad it was ok. I've not had an erpc but anything to do with mc isn't pleasant. It sounds like the hospital were very kind and sympathetic to your needs. I hope you can find some peace soon.

wendyprime, so sorry you're going through this. The only thing I can tell you is from my own experience. I've had 2 mcs at 6 weeks and each time I passed the sac has been slightly different. The first one was just a collection of stringy clots (sorry if this is hard to read) and the second one was a whole sac, a round ball of clot. I didn't poke or do anything with them as I think it would have been too distressing if I'd found anything too recogniseable, however I can say that there was nothing that ressembled a baby. I was terrified of that happening, but thankfully it wasn't to be for me. I don't know if two weeks extra makes a difference, hopefully not. I hope it's not too distressing for you.

babyinacorner - I'm sorry because I posted before reading all the thread and realising you were going in for a procedure. My thoughts prob weren't overly helpful.

I'm glad that you thoguht it was ok and hope that you can now start to rebuild your hopes and move forward x

I have just joined this site as a friend reccommended it too me, i found out at 13 weeks i had mmc at 8+3 days and went into hospital yesterday to have the ERPC although i didnt find the nurses helping at all im now taking each day as it comes its nice to read all your comments and to see that so many people have also been through the same experiance.

hi there nat, i also had an mmc at 8 weeks discovered at 13 weeks back in sept so i compleatly understand what your going through. I had a natural mc as id started to miscarry the same week as my scan so kindof knew b4 having my dating scan.
Im on my second cycle post mc, waiting for my third now, 22nd of dec.
I think youve joined the right site, come over and join us in the ttc after mc thread when your ready, you will get plenty of support via moms net that you may not get anywhere else, like minded people who completly understand all the stages post mc. X