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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

2 mcs & 1 year on I still feel so angry and heartbroken

6 replies

beanie35 · 20/02/2009 07:02

I lost my babies at the 10-11 week stage naturally at home, although neither lived past the 6-8 week stage. On both occassions I had to cope alone (my hb was living/working abroad) and my own family were not very helpful. I am lucky to have a 10yr old and she was the only one who helped me (even walking me to the loo when things got really bad although I didn't allow her to witness too much of course. The point is I still feel totally devastated. I feel such rage too, I don't smoke, rarely drink and eat healthy. Whats made things worse recently is that a close relative, with a brain the size of a goldfish has announced she is pg. I wouldn't wish an mc on anyone, but must admit to feeling bitter at all the attention she is recieving. She smokes, eats crap and can barely motivate herself let alone a newborn!! Yet my family (the ones who left me to get on with my mcs) are fussing over her, driving her to antenatal apps, and talking of their excitement. I dread the phone ringing, as I know it will be the latest instalment about her pg progress from my mum, then I have to act all happy, when inside I feel like dying. Im sorry if this post sounds selfish, I just feel so sad. I've decided not to ttc again, as i can't go through the heartache again. My hb and I are almost at breaking point because Im so low. Anyone else been/going through something similar??

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giraffescantdancethetango · 20/02/2009 07:15

Hiya sorry to hear of your loss. Sounds really hard to be feeling like that and watching her get all the support while you are alone.

My best friend is currently pregnant and am finding that very difficult, while I am happy for her I am also terribly jealous, this week I have started councelling - would that be something you would consider?

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giraffescantdancethetango · 20/02/2009 07:15

*losses

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Gumbo · 20/02/2009 07:36

I too went through 2 mc after having DS. Like you, a lot of family didn't even acknowledge them, let alone support us. DH took the losses of our babies even harder than I did - and it's him that refuses to see me go through that again (rather than you, in your case).

But I really understand how you are feeling; I had no idea it took so long to deal with something like a mc, nor how hurtful it would be seeing others happily getting pregnant and having numerous babies. I still can't even go to a Christening - it's just too painful. And the worst is the people around us who we thought would be supportive left us very disappointed and isolated.

It does sound like you would benefit from talking to someone about it though - can you ask your doctor to refer you to somebody?

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beanie35 · 20/02/2009 08:02

Thank you both for your replies and I'm so sorry for your losses. My doctor offered 1 session of counselling, but I'd have to go privately if I wanted more, which at the moment is impossible. I know what you both mean about finding certain situations impossible, my relative is going for a scan today and the thought of that is far more upsetting for me than the baby actually being born. Probably because I think back to the scan appointments I had, the loneliness I felt at having to drive home alone, after being told my babies had stopped growing. Looks like its gonna be a tough day today!! Many thanks again for your messages.

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giraffescantdancethetango · 20/02/2009 08:09

I think my friend must be the same-ish stage as your relative as she had her scan last week. I did find the scan day very hard and while I did text her to say good luck I wasnt able to phone her at all for a few days because it was too raw.

I would go for the session and be really honest about your feelings and perhaps the councellor will reccomend further sessions?

I am off work today - have childline meeting and then Drs later but will be about in between so if you need a friendly ear I will check back this thread.

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Gumbo · 20/02/2009 08:34

I hope today isn't too awful for you - you're still grieving, so try to be kind to yourself.

2 months after my 2nd mc a good friend had her 2nd child. When I got the text to say she'd had it I burst into tears - and just couldn't stop. I literally sobbed for hours - while I prepared dinner, cleaned the house, did the ironing - it was awful and I felt so ashamed that while I was genuinley happy for her, I was so devastated for myself. I was horrified and embarrassed by how I felt; I don't think there's any right or wrong way of grieving, and sometimes it takes longer than we think it will.