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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

how do I stop myself from thinking my baby is going to die

18 replies

memoo · 17/02/2009 17:15

My last pregnancy was ectopic, it ended up rupturing which meant emergency surgery and me losing my left tube.

It really was the worst time of my life and it took me years to build the courage to ttc again.

I am now 8weeks pregnant again. I had an early scan last week and baby is in the right place, even saw a little heart beat.

But I just can't stop worrying. My next scan isn't for another 5 weeks and I am convince something bad is going to happen. the thought that my baby is going to die is with me all day and night.

I'm so worried that I event thought of phoning midwife and begging for another scan.

what do i do

OP posts:

Wheelybug · 17/02/2009 17:23

Could you have a private scan in the meantime ? I had scans at 7 and 10 weeks privately before having NHS 13 week scan. They made a lot of difference to getting through the first trimester and still keeping my head ! It was still stressful though so I understand what you are going through.

TBH, I am almost 37 weeks now and still constantly worrying. But I remember being in tears frequently in the first trimester due to worry.

rubyslippers · 17/02/2009 17:25

am not surprised you are anxious

agree with Wheely if you can afford it, then go private

if not, speak to your MW and explain your anxiety

is some part of you reassured by seeing the heartbeat?

Original poster

memoo · 17/02/2009 17:28

I was reasurred at the time but then as the days have gone on i'm starting to worry more and more. So much can happen it such a short time.

OP posts:

ellingwoman · 17/02/2009 17:31

It's hard isn't it? I had 3 mcs and in my 4th pregnancy the midwife said that if ever I had a really anxious night I was to phone her and either she would stop off on her rounds or I was to go up to the surgery and they would put that heartbeat machine on my tummy. I did this a few times in the early day just for reassurance. I hope everything goes well

homicidalmatriach · 17/02/2009 17:31

You need a doppler. I had two miscarriages and having a doppler and being able to listen to the heartbeat really set my mind at ease. Of course it takes a while till you can - so the next few weeks are going to be tough, but after that you should be able to find a heartbeat and that will set your mind at ease.

Having said, once you have heard the heartbeat that is the most dangerous bit of pregnancy over. You just need to grow that placenta and things will all be fine.

I never stopped thinking something would happen to the DCs when pregnant and still think something will happen to them now - worry is the stuff of parenting. It's perfectly normal!

Unfortunately sometimes things go wrong and there is nothing anyone can do but if you've had a scan, you know the baby is in the right place and you just have to live each day until you know things are fine - it's really hard I know, but you'll get there

ellingwoman · 17/02/2009 17:34

Oops didn't see you were only 8 weeks

Original poster

memoo · 17/02/2009 17:39

Having a private scan does sound like a very good idea. Next daft question is how do i find out where they do them? does anyone know how much they cost?

OP posts:

cece · 17/02/2009 17:40

Have they got a bereavement midwife at your hospital. i suggest you go and have some counselling with them. At our hospital you can just phone them directly and ask to speak with them.

Original poster

memoo · 17/02/2009 18:07

i've never heard of a bereavemnet midwife cece, i'm definately going to look into that, thanks

OP posts:

Wheelybug · 17/02/2009 18:32

private scan costs can vary widely and does depend where in the country you are - I am in London and wanted an early one at 7 weeks as I was going abroad and so had to go to a specific place and it cost £160 but if I'd waited a week I could have gone to a number of places where it would have been about £100 and out of London I think its less expensive.

Do you have a local private hospital - that's probably your first place to start, or ask your midwife (and then she might offer one anyway !).

ScorpiowithabigS · 17/02/2009 18:34

they are about £100, here anyway.

So sorry you are worrying so much, but your chances of success are huge after seeing a heartbeat.

Original poster

memoo · 17/02/2009 18:43

thanks for all the advice guys.

does anyone know if the chances of miscarriage reduce after seeing a heart beat?

OP posts:

unfitmother · 17/02/2009 18:48

My obstetrician told me (after a previous m/c) that I wouldn't relax until I had my baby in my arms, and I didn't.
It is hard, my catchphrase for the pregnancy was "I know I'm being over-anxious, but I'm allowed to be". Once you explain your history, people will understand.
Phone your midwife.
Good luck.

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 17/02/2009 18:53

I do know how you feel, I had a self-resolving ectopic, a miscarriage and then two children but I still find it hard to believe that this pregnancy (am 10 weeks) is ok. I am plagued by thoughts of a missed miscarriage, we saw the heartbeat at 5+6 and nothing since, haven't even got 12 week scan booked as can't see midwife till end of next week when I'll be 11+4. From everything I've read a heartbeat is a very very good sign, particularly if you see one at 8 weeks or more as you did. Hang in here and with luck we'll both be cradling our precious babes in the future.

Original poster

memoo · 17/02/2009 18:53

thanks unfit x

OP posts:

nkf · 17/02/2009 18:56

I had the loveliest early pregnancy support where they scanned me every week. And this was the NHS. Someone with your history needs regular scans. Ask for them. Good luck.

minesacheeseandpicklesandwich · 17/02/2009 19:13

I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks last year so when I got pains and a missed period my doctor sent me straight off to the the Early Pregnancy Clinic for a scan. They saw something, though I didn't want to look, and they booked me in for 10 days later. The woman said she could see a heartbeat and they'd see me for a regular scan at 20 weeks. Went to the doctor with the info next day and asked why not at 12 weeks, why so long a wait? The doctor said it was because they were not worried, with a visible heartbeat the risk went from 25% to 2%. Needless to say I burst into tears... I'm still worrying and still not wanting to plan too much, just in case - and I'm at 23 weeks now! Good luck to you and take every day as it comes.

homicidalmatriach · 17/02/2009 19:32

Apparently something like 70% of miscarriages occur before eight weeks - which is about genetics mostly - if the embryo has a severe problem it tends to fail at this point and not get far enough to have a heartbeat.

In your case, your last pregnancy was ectopic so there was no necessarily anything wrong with the fetus other than it was lodged in the wrong place. So there is no reason to think you will have any problems this time.

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