5 down none to go.....

[all4us]

Hi,

Feel so low that I dont know quite what to do...
this one was different,(5 in 2 years) we have moved, new job, new start..felt really positive,got the furthest ive ever been 7w 4 days!!

Ive had tests done, more apparently (the doc said) than I should have had on the NHS...

This one was hard..I sat yesterday started to have a twinge in my belly, thought ooh ooh, thats not good, but then realised that really it didnt matter cus id already passed the majority of it on Friday (I had just for a split second thought I was still pregnant!)..so sat back and just let the pain hit me..

This time last week id have been having panic attacks that something was wrong..wish I could see into the future id probably have told myself not to bother worrying!

Im sick of knowing the symptoms, (sorry for too much info..) going to the toilet and the pressure on my stomach makes everything happen at once...im sick of getting excited..(every time i think its gonna be ok!) and trying to get my partner to feel that this time its going to be ok..im sick of his brother telling him that he will bring his kid to the next football match ..I want it to be ours!

Im sick of having that same feeling of total excitement when you get the positive test.. every thing can go to hell at that point cus we have a positive test..its just a feeling of complete success and happiness..for all of about 4 weeks!

I feel like a complete fraud, i feel like i cant do what im supposed to do..i feel like when im being a madam, having an off day, not able to do something ...I really am that rubbish ..add all that to not being able to have a little one and I feel like the crummiest person in the world!

ive hit the bottom...and its crap!

I know this won't help, but it is not your fault. So sorry for you

Hugs

Hi, i have had 7 mcs and an ectopic. BUT...in the middle of all that (after 4 mcs) I had my dd3, so don't ever give up!

I'm so sorry for what you are going through, it's awful. We do not even get excited about a positive test anymore..
Best of luck for the future!

Oh poor you, I am so very sorry.

I don't know if its any help but after losing 5 babies my Mum went on to have three pregnancies that went to plan (to the extent I was born on my due date!), nobody knows why the difference.

I hope you get yur baby.

After a terrible morning, and reading so many people going through same thing..I havent for the first time in about 2 years looked out the window and envied the mums with prams and little ones playing in the snow!( I do work though)

I simply sat and thought ok..well im gonna have one, one way or another..just not yet..so until then il go buy my handbags have my nails done and spend some time with my husband ...do the things that I want to do i guess...

I may change my mind tomorrow...i may wake up and feel exactly the same as today...but for now i feel ok..and safe in the knowledge that if it wasnt meant to happen at least its out of me now and left us able to move on....

maybe for now anyways....

Very, very sorry for all your losses. You posted on my thread and I seem to remember you saying that all your test results were clear. This must be heartening news. I'm sure your turn at being successfully pg will come around in time but in the meantime, you are right to go out and do the things in life that give you pleasure. Plus, it's still only February - there are still ten whole months left in this year to get your next BFP. All the very best of luck to you.

all4us - I'm so sorry. It just seems so unfair, especially when you see mothers that just maybe shouldn't be mothers (at least, not yet?). Speaking of mothers, my own says that there is much power in prayer. And yet here I sit at work just trying to get through the day and prayer is usually the farthest thing from my mind because I'm not a good catholic! After my 1st mc, I prayed through the next 2 mc's and they went bye bye. I'm 31 and my dh is 37 and we really want children.

I saw that you went thru a bunch of tests. I currently am going thru a bunch myself. We've already done the chromosome stuff and I've had an HSG and now waiting for a whole list of blood word to come back. I hate the waiting.

I don't know what else to say except that we have to do whatever we can to get thru it (within reason). I shop, I drink wine, I eat cookies. Whatever. There isn't anything anyone can say but I have found that being here and ranting on mums has helped me to feel less alone. Others that have never been thru it say things like, Stay strong, keep praying, keep busy, you'll have a baby...Perhaps they are right but I really just want to scream shutup.
Like you, I want a reason, something we can fix and then move on. My guess is, it's something they haven't thought of yet. Soon enough, as medicine progresses, there will be greater insight into the mc mystery.
XOXO

hi all4us
i share some of your feelings. i am lucky in that i have one son who is 18months but i have had two miscarriages in the last seven months and i now fear i am about to have a third (light bleeding today, at 6weeks pg...
DS came along without any problems and i just never thought this would happen to me. i am trying to imagine what it will be like if he is the only child i can have - a devastating thought. we will keep trying, but i know what you mean when you say you've hit the bottom. i remember feeling in such a dark place after my last miscarriage, but i DID feel better a few weeks later, and hope you do too.

Daynee.Kissmummy,ZigZagZog

Hiya..thanks for the messages..ups and downs eh..today again is a down..but when 4pm comes it will be an up..I find I feel better being around my home..my kettle..my sleep socks..my dressing gown..if that makes sense.

Having just started a new job its hard to fit in with anyone so im craving my familiar things..

im gonna get on to the doc today see what he says..going for last blood test today to check hcg coming down..its funny though as the EPU was the best place in the world thurs am when I was going for my scan...now I cant think of the place without dread!

Just heard my mate is pregnant..the other one about to give birth..and im just waiting for his brother to tell us they having another one..i just know its coming!

and do you know..im boring myself with all this self pity but I feel hard done by ...humph!

xx