How do I help my friend

[Boblina]

Hi everyone. My friend has been trying for a baby for round 4 years. I was lucky and have a boy. They have gone through IVF twice and the second time she fell pregnant. She found out on Friday (a couple of days before 12 week)via a scan that the baby prbably died 2 weeks ago. She had to have an op. How do I support her. I feel so useless. It's a horrible thing for anything to go through. Thanks

you sound like a lovely friend, let her talk, dont ignore what has happened. i found with my friends they spoke about my mcs once, i think they are avoiding the subject. i would dearly love to talk about it but i feel isolated in terms of what has happened, the only person who was of any comfort to me was my brother, he asked me loads of questions about my mcs,(1st mc at 7wks and 2nd at 10wks) sounds odd but it helped me, just having someone who was genuinely interested in what i had to say. so talking or if she doesnt want to talk, just being there for her.

You do sound like a lovely friend. Your poor friend has really been through hell by the sounds of it. As bitchyfanny said, talk to her, ask questions, send text messages saying that you are thinking of her. Ask her when the due date would have been and put a note in your diary to send her a text then...a friend of mine did that for me, and it meant so much just to get that text saying 'thinking of you and your lost angel today' when i thought that everyone else had forgotten. Some other girls have found little necklaces with angels on, or something like that in remembrance to be comforting. Encourage her to take as much time off work as she can. Tell her about mn if she isn't already here. I can really recommend the emmsys angels thread, the girls there are very comforting and always seem to know the right things to say (possibly because they've been through similar awful experiences).

Don't feel useless - the fact that you have put your question here shows how much you love her, just keep reminding her of that.

i wish you both all the best xx

Again, you sound like a great friend and it must be hard to know how you can support her. Great ideas from bitchyfanny and scamperT - you could also maybe cook her a meal for when she comes home from hospital.

Thank you everyone. Really appreciate all your advice. xxx