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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Am I just wierd?

14 replies

HeadFairy · 30/01/2009 12:19

I've had two mc's in four months and reading a few threads on here I feel that perhaps I'm in denial or something. I just don't feel that sad about it. Am I just retentive and denying emotions that aren't obviously on the surface? I've cried once after each one, a good hard sob for half an hour or so, but then I'm totally back to normal. I'm raring to get back to ttc, I'm counting the days to ov (luckily my cycle seems to return very quickly to it's normal routine) Does the fact that have mc'd early (6 weeks) make a difference? I just feel that I'm lucky to get pg easily, I'm 38 so there's bound to be a few duff eggs in there, and that mc is my body's way of telling me that egg wasn't good. My overriding emotion is frustration because I want to get on and get pg. Does anyone else feel this way, because I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me.

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littlelyn · 30/01/2009 12:37

Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your mc's. You're not being wierd, you are being incredibly strong - maybe because you are determined to get pg. I had 2 mc's before DD was conceived (both also in my late 30s) and I think my DH was more upset about them than I. I remember crying only once after each and then drawing a virtual line under each and moving on. I'm really hoping third time lucky for you.

Dropdeadfred · 30/01/2009 12:40

I have had 7 mcs and an EP. I only really cry with anger and frustration after each one...if i think about it too much I can 'make' myself miserable, so I tend not to.

having said that my DH was a complete tyeary mess at the hospital when his daughter was born..he turned to me and said it really made him think of all the others

God luck getting (and staying) pregnant!!

mistlethrush · 30/01/2009 12:42

It might be partly due to how quickly you've managed to get pregnant in the first place - you don't say how long you've been trying. My first mc was after 4yrs of trying. Yes, I was totally devastated.

I've had 2 since dc - not been as devastated with either as I was that 1st one - but probably more upset than you - although it had taken a long time to get pregant again both times.

I wouldn't worry about how you feel compared to other people - just enjoy trying, and I hope that it all works out positively for you

HeadFairy · 30/01/2009 12:51

Thanks for all the reassurances everyone, it's very helpful to know I'm not a freak. My mum always says I'm not a sentimental person, since having ds I'm a total emotional wreck over every thing, seeing starving African children leaves me a total wreck, and yet losing my own babies leaves me more angry than anything.

Mistlethrush, maybe you're right. It took me 18 months to conceive ds, but I hadn't found mn in those days and I had no idea of my cycle. Both times I mc'd I got pg the first or second month of trying, which I reckon for a 38 year old ain't bad.

Littlyn, I keep thinking maybe it's third time lucky, but like anything to do with ttc that's just so dangerous... along with "I'd like to have a baby by December/New Year/my next birthday/the summer" so I'm just trying to ignore it.

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cornflakegirl · 30/01/2009 13:30

I've had 3 early mc since having DS, and I haven't been particularly emotional either. I think it helps that I fall pregnant easily, and we're not desperate for another one. But after the third miscarriage, I did wonder whether it was worth trying again - I'd consciously not got my hopes up that time, and so it all felt a bit pointless. And I've been quite irrationally emotional during the early weeks of my current pregnancy.

Good luck for next time!

HeadFairy · 30/01/2009 17:20

Thanks cornflakegirl, I hope your pregnancy goes ok. I had a friend who had three mcs in a row and when she got pg a 4th time was in total denial, she had her scans and antenatal appts, but apart from that practically ignored the fact that she was pg, so much so that she only packed her hospital bag when she was in labour. As it was her second baby, she didn't have much time and ended up having the baby at home. The hadn't even dug out all their ds' baby clothes from the loft or anything. Poor baby spent the first few hours of his life wrapped in a towel while his daddy floundered around in the loft cursing

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bluesatinsash · 31/01/2009 14:23

Hi Headfairy (I'm not stalking you honest, just mooching round the mc threads )

I can relate and have felt 'odd' myself for not being more upset. I'm a 'get on with it' girl (stoic Scottish upbringing) and cried once for both mc's but very quickly bounced back although last one was harder as I had to wait 10 days before 'product' came away and it was over xmas and I was full of "it's not fair", "why me" and 'Will I ever hold a newborn again"...

DH and me had decided to have a six month break, but following app't with consultant that's been shortened to three months and I will have ants in my pants next two cycles avoiding bd at OV time.

Like you I fell pg first month of trying and do think that helps and I am grateful for that.

Of course the new worry is will I fall pg again easily? I'm 38 in May and as you say, those eggs aren't getting any younger...

What I do know is I'm avoiding ANY ttc and ante-natal threads this time around - can't bare the thought of having to 'bow out' of another ante-natal.

Meglet · 31/01/2009 14:28

headfairy I had a mc at 6 weeks and was rather like you . I sobbed my heart out for the rest of the day and then I just couldn't cry anymore and let nature take its course. It was so out of my control that I didn't try to fight it. I was lucky in that I already had DS though, I don't think I would have coped so well if I didn't already have a child.

peanutbutterkid · 31/01/2009 15:01

My mother had at least 2 miscarriages and she didn't cry over them at all (she wasn't TTC when she fell pg, perhaps that makes a huge difference). She got married because of the first pregnancy that ended in m/c, so it made a huge difference in her life -- worth crying over the twists and turns of it all, you would have thought.

Anyway, Mom was so blase about m/c, I didn't know until I was an adult that people were supposed to get upset about it.

Too bad I never had any m/c really -- I mean, it would have been better if someone like me had been the poor sod to have 7 or whatever m/c, because I (probably) wouldn't be that upset about it, either.

cornflakegirl · 01/02/2009 20:43

bluesatinsash - and anyone else - I'd highly recommend the Pregnancy after Miscarriage thread when the time comes. It's a safe place to be neurotic, and everyone really understands the relief of seeing a heartbeat at a scan.

eNABlemetobebetter · 01/02/2009 20:48

I was okay with my first m/c. DH was really upset. Then the day the baby would have been born hit me like a tonne of bricks. I have to admit I am more sad about the twin I m/c than the single baby and I know that makes me sound awful. When the first m/c happened I just thought we had been lucky to have 2 children without a m/c already.

vesela · 06/02/2009 16:58

HeadFairy, thanks for posting this. You're not the only one - I had a miscarriage recently, and I feel fine both physically and emotionally (I didn't even cry, nor did I feel numb).

It's just not something that's made me feel very sad, and yet in other circumstances I get emotional - sad and angry - very easily. I've felt a bit awkward when people tell me how sorry they are about it, and don't know how to tell them I'm OK without sounding heartless.

I'm 40 and, like you, I have one DC (who took a year to conceive, although this last time it was only 6 months). However, there are obviously also many people trying for a second or third who are just as devastated to m/c as with a first pregnancy.

I think these things are so individual - there just isn't a 'right way' to feel.

sifuentes · 06/02/2009 17:28

It also depends on how desperate you are to cash in that maternity leave cheque and get the hell out of your office...

HeadFairy · 07/02/2009 14:28

Sifuentes, you read my mind... I was so hoping to be pg soon because I really really don't want to work next Christmas (have crappy shifts which almost always involve working Christmas day). Pathetic isn't it? I really want ds to have a sibling, but I did think oh if I got pg now I'd be on mat leave at Christmas and wouldn't have to work, ds will be 2.4 and it'll be lovely. Sadly not to be I'm still ttc though, so it's not totally out yet!

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