close family/friends pg announcements-do you find it upsetting?

[beanie35]

I've had several mcs within the last year, although I am physically recovered, I still have days when I feel devastated at my losses. A close relative has just announced that she is pg. I told her how happy I was for her, and I truly wouldn't want anyone to go through the heartache of a mc, but Im wondering how Im going to cope for the next 8 months and the birth. It just brings back my own losses. Its not as if I can avoid seeing her (usually about once a week), everyone is already talking scans and prams, and I just have to smile and look interested. Am I alone in feeling like this?

Hi beanie i totally understand how you feel, i mc (quite early on admitedly) in May and at the time everyone knew we were trying for our number 2. Then whilst we were away on holiday a picture text came through from my SIL showing us a scan of her new baby, they then announced to everyone that they 'hadn't been trying' ' what a happy mistake' i couldn't help feeling (and still feel ) slight anger at her dismissive way and i still find it hard (even though i am pg myself now) she is always a stage ahead of me obviously and it does hurt sometimes.

I think i found it best to be honest how i feel and supportive but not too over the top, i didn't want her to feel awkward but at the same time i just couldn't throw myself into her 'easy pregnancy'

difficult one eh - i am sure as the time goes on you will become more used to the idea and hopefully feel more comfortable.

IME it'll hurt for a long, long time, but it does ease and gets easier to live with. I did find it got much easier once I'd had a live baby though. I'm truly sad and sorry for you. It's unfortunate that there is no way around these feelings.
After a long time grieving, I did try to invest my energy and love into my friends/family babies.
I'm probably not helping here, but know that you most certainly are not the only one feeling like this.
All the best to you.x

Thanks heebychick. So sorry for you loss, think thats what has made things harder for me, my relative is very dismissive about the whole pg thing too. Think she sees a baby more as a fashion accessory. Many congratulations on your pregnancy. X

Thanks Solo.

Beanie - I was utterly floored last week by a pregnancy announcement of some friends. Like you, I was happy for them but also bitterly jealous if I am being honest. You just wonder why it can't be both of you rather than just the one.

I don't know if it gets easier with time as this is my 1st mc but I am hoping it does. You have been through the mill - am so hoping that your turn will be soon x

Last week a friend through work who is almost exactly the same age as me, to the day, and does the same job albeit at a different place, announced that she is due in June. I cried for about an hour but obviously am delighted for her at the same time. She wasn't to know of course but it did feel like 'Ooo is that a wound i see? let me just pour a bucket of course salt into it'. Paricularly since i had just come on that day for the first time since the mc. Oh and then there was the time when my midwife called to see why i had 'forgotten' to go to my 12 week scan. That was nice too. Yeah...Anyway...before I get too carried away...the way I see it is that you don't have to be happy for people all the time. Some days you will genuinely feel happy for them. Other days you will wish that they would all F off. (Is swearing verboten on MN?) If you feel like that then stay away and see friends who are up for a good old bitch and moan (or happy non baby chatter) and a bottle of wine instead. That has certainly helped me out! xx

ps: Am new here and still a bit shy to post-so sorry if any of this is not the right sort of tone or whatever!!!

Sorry just reread and saw that you have to see her every week. That is tough. Sorry if my answer sounded a bit flippant. Had deleted part by mistake at the beginning that explained that two of my best friends are due in the next 6 months. I have done a bit of being unavailable when they are both meeting up. More than one pregnant friend at a time is still a bit beyond me...

I can empathise totally. I miscarried over xmas and had found out earlier that a work colleague is preg and will be due at the same time as I would have been. I feel incredibly sad every time I see her which is everyday and we are in the same dept!!

I feel so sad and I think it will ber worse especially whehn she gets bigger and goes for mat leave.

But I think it's ok to feel like this - we cannot be happy all the time. One of my close friends is also preg so at the mo I am doubly being affected. There are no easy answers but what you are feeling is completely natural.

Sadly I know only too well how difficult this is. Self preservation is important and if you don't feel up to seeing your relative just explain. Those who care about you will understand.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

Xxx

hmmmmm this is such a hard hard one. Its really how they behave around me. My little sister was giving birth as I was having my 1st mc. We said nothing to her for several months, I could'nt bear to take the gloss of her utter joy and when she knew I got an endless postbag of 'auntie pressies' We are all quiet open and I have no problem. The flip side of the coin of course are the in-laws and numerous nieces all popping sprogs. I am the elephant in the room and because they are so uncomfortable it has become a huge problem, they only knew about the first one I have never ever wanted them to know about the others as their reactions were so c**p.
I felt so bad until I found mn, thought I was a totally terrible woman to hide from all things baby related but its natural. I have found it usually takes me a good year to get back to being nearly 'normal'

Urgh! Struggling with this one too, every time I pull myself up I keep getting knocked down by yet another pg announcement. It's the pg that's getting to me not the baby. Seeing other women nurturing their growing bumps knowing that my body can't do this is heartbreaking and makes me feel so inadequate. I am very lucky to have a dd (18months) but her age is a problem as one by one other mums at play group are announcing #2. Also colleagues at work seem to assume that as I have dd 2 mmc's are no big deal (if only they knew). I'm trying to cope by hanging around friends that have no pg plans or much older children.

I know exactly how u feel, I had mmc in Nov, should be due in June. One sil is due 2weeks before my due date and the other due 1 week after! Tbh I dont know how im going to cope come June, Im hoping that il be pg again by that stage which i think mite lessen the pain however at the minute I can hardly bear to look at them. I feel like such a failure and when i see their bumps I know that i should be near enough the same size. I feel like someone kicks me in the stomach every time I see them. HAve family party tomorrow nite and I just dont know how I will deal with it.
i suppose we just need to concentrate on the fact that one day we will all be pg again and not to worry about other people. Let them live their lives and we can focus on ours - though easier said than done!

I'm thinking the same way right now, debating whether not to take DD (~3yrs) to a playgroup tomorrow as will see so may baby brother/sister dcs (&bumps), and my DD doesn't have this (& is now asking for a dc2 herself). I was due mid-may, which is important date for family for other reasons too. Had ERPC in mid-Oct, I should be 5.5 mths now. Problem is that by avoiding the mums and babies, I also will be keeping my dd away from her friends [] The hardest complaint to 'smile and walk away from' I keep hearing is ' oh it will be great to go back to my normal clothes'! (I'd swop faster than a heart-beat, the person who says this knows what I've gone through!). All the sickness and swelling, and aches, and low blood presure - I would love it as a sign of my little bean still growing at moaners about pregnancy!

I can second third fourth and fifth everything written here. I have even got so low as to almost wish mcs on those who have been insensitive, smug or whatever. And then hated myself for days.

It even turns out that the 2 couples we we were with the weekend i mc for the first time (i havehad 2 early mcs) were both also pregnant. I didn't say (14 weeks at the time) although I suspected and thought I was being paranoid and the other found out a week later and her baby is due when mine would have been and on my dd's birthday too.

Its agony - and they live 200 miles away and we see them once a year. The close ones its even worse because i hold their babies and coo and congratulate and then sob inside.

The school gate are vile too - all bumps, scans, midwives and moaning about not having any coffee.... Arggh.

its awful isn't it. But we are not alone x

one didn't say she was pregnant - not I. must start previewing!

It is so reassuring to know its not only me! The close relative who I said was pg, had the cheek to say to me after my 2nd mc, 'surely you won't try again now you've lost twice will you' Bearing in mind that I am in a stable relationship, have an elder child (who I brought up alone for 6yrs) and work. Whereas she is totally spoilt by her mum, on and off with the father of the due baby and still has to be told when her hair needs washing!!! Perhaps thats why I get so livid

Beanie (and all of you on here) - I totally relate to what you are feeling. After my 3rd mc on New Year's, I can't help but think my friends will be popping out babies before me and some of them aren't even married yet! I have one friend who prattles on incessantly about herself and not only is it insensitive but totally narcissistic and I'm wondering why I'm friends with her in the first place. I guess before it never really bothered me as much and I am the matron of honor in her wedding coming up. She never asks how I'm doing. You would think this is a normal, automatic question. She goes on an on about how much work she has when I actually have more and am going through more than her. And I certainly don't want to hear that moosh about the wedding...I haven't been hanging out to much with her and any other friends because I really just don't care and don't want to have to force myself to care.

This is terrible but I have to be honest that I just find more comfort in those that are also struggling, which would explain why I'm on here! Some of my friends haven't been able to get pregnant at all so I feel like at least I'm one step closer than them. But of course if I do have a successful pregnancy, I must remember what they are going through is hell and try not to be one of those people who talks about their kid all the time around them. If anything, this whole mess is making me more selfless and more sensitive to others going through it.

Don't feel bad about what you feel because it's natural. Also, I don't think it's all jealousy that we feel but maybe more that we are just depressed and don't want to talk much to others about anything positive because our lives are not all that positive right now! Just be strong, interact with your relative, and you will feel proud that were able to do it and able to be strong for yourself...

OK, I'm done rambling now. Isn't there a place I could go and hide for a little while until this is all over and I'm 5 months preggers?

Thanks Daynee. If you find a place to hide, book me a ticket at the same time