April 05 Miscarriage

[Diddle]

Started bleeding 2 days ago, not much a no pain, then last night i was woken up with stomach cramps and heavy bleeding but no clots. then i could feel it, it just dropped out into the toilet paper. This is my 2nd Miscarriage in 2 months. feel so low and don't know what to think. Have a scan tomorrow will find out more then.
I'm exhausted. anyone else going through the same???

[RachelRog]

Hi all.....haven't posted on this thread before but recognise names from orderyourbabyhere.com thread.
First Cori....I just want to say that reading your posting was very hard for me....I think you sound so incredibly brave! I m/c 5 weeks ago now and it almost seems like a bad dream rather than reality. At the time I was so desperate to get pregnant straight away and now I feel calmly philosophical that when my body is ready I will conceive.
Everyone keeps saying these things happen for a reason and THEY DO!! It's a cliche but it is true.
I also keep seeing pregnant women and women with tiny babies and feel so sad that I haven't got one of my own. (I would have been 20 weeks tomorrow.....still keeping track but trying not to!! )
Diddle and Lottie, I keep following you because my m/c was a few weeks before yours and you remind me of how I was at that stage. That desperation to be pregnant AGAIN is terrible but it does calm down as your hormones settle. My period after was wierd....I spotted for a week then a light period for another week but I definately ovulated this month and feel my body is back on track.
It will happen for us all and the joy will be sweeter for what we have suffered.

[cori]

I may be in some sort of shock still , I think. I just broke down because I couldnt fine house keys.

[Diddle]

cori - your hormones will be all over the place, breaking down at daft things is just part of it, i bawled my eyes out because i told my dog off for barking at me, bless him. i felt so guilty afterwards.

Rachelrog - thought i recognised you, hope you're holding up ok. This thread is very quiet, but i don't feel i'm readyf or the POATing?

[RachelRog]

Hi Cori
It doesn't seem that long ago that I discovered Mumsnet and people were fantastic and very supportive. We all understand what you are going through and you will find you cry over the strangest little things!
You will be all over the place....I took nearly a month off work and even then when I went back I burst into tears and just wanted to be at home. At the moment you need to be doing familiar things, taking it very slowly and making sure you and your husband have BIG cuddles! I kept saying to my husband 'I need a big hug'. He was great and it brought us very much closer and it made him realise that he really did want another baby. ( I had to force him to try for a child...I already have a son who is 5 and have been trying to persuade him for a while to let me have another! )
Try to be positive...it is hard when it is so raw but I promise you will feel more positive soon.
I am trying to focus on getting healthy...I think it is something alot of others seem to do as well......it is something you can do something about straight away whilst you begin again.
After my m/c I just kept repeating 'I can't believe we have got to start all over again'
You are on a twister of emotions and you WILL have a new baby at the end of it.....so focus on that!

[RachelRog]

Sorry Diddle...not ignoring you.....must have posted around the same time.
Yes I am doing OK. Must confess have bought some sticks to pee on to try to find out my fertile time and have started taking my temps (which works!!!). But confused me because I was fertile on the last day of my period but it was a very strange period so haven't a clue really. If it makes you feel more positive then I am all for peeing on expensive sticks! (although got mine off Ebay so not so bad).
They do work though so it would be worth trying after your AF finally shows....so frustrating waiting....mine came after 4 weeks.....how long has yours been??

[Diddle]

rachelrog - it as been 4 wks and 4 days, still waiting, have had some cramps and backache but thats all, and it went away after a day, very strange, but my cycles are always 35 days so it might make a difference. very strange. I am dreading AF coming, don't know what to expect, some people have said that theirs have been really heavy.

[RachelRog]

To be honest I thought mine would be mega heavy so was waiting for it to get heavy which it didn't really do. Only had three or four days where I had to use tampons. Felt much better though - as though all the last remains of everything was finally out and I could start afresh. I had been trying to get pregnant straight away but now I think I did need to have a period to let my hormones get normal. After all the hormones are what sustains a pregnancy and if they are all over the place it can't be good.
Hopeful this is my month - but who knows! It would be great but I have to keep grounded and not get carried away with wishful thinking.

[Spacecadet]

cori it takesa while for the hormones to leave your system, they will be all over the place,since i lost my baby i have cried for every so called stupid reason i can think of.

[Arabica]

Hello Cori, still thinking of you lots. I think planting a tree is a lovely idea.

Recovering from a lost pregnancy is very different for everyone; be prepared for those people who did know you were pregnant, to come out with all sorts of clumsiness and cliches as they struggle to articulate how bad they're feeling for you. I wanted to hit people who implied that I would feel better once I was pregnant again. I didn't want to be pregnant AGAIN, I wanted my lost baby back. But somehow the anger made me feel more alive--I'd been feeling so horribly numb.

My ERPC was on 17 Feb and although I am fine with newborns, and much better in general, I still find it hard to be around women with bumps.But I suppose that's inevitable.

[cori]

I went into H & M yesterday, did get very distressed when I realised that only two weeks ago I spent nearly £100.00 on maternity clothes,
My non maternity clothes dont really fit either, so I have nothing really to wear at the moment.
Good thing I am not going back to work for a couple of weeks.

The midwives told me that I would experience some milk production. They said it would probably hapen three days after the birth( so that was monday) I still havent had any, though my breasts feel tender and heavy.
How long does it take usually, and how long does it last.

[mrsdarcy]

Cori - I was given medication (just 1 tablet, whilst I was in hospital) to prevent milk coming in, and I had no milk at all. Don't know if that's something you can enquire about.
Still thinking of you.
x

[Marina]

Cori, my son died at around 20 weeks and was delivered at 21 weeks. I was told it was 50/50 as to whether any milk came in at this stage. I didn't get any milk, thank God. I don't think it will happen to you by the sound of things.
The drug is quite a strong one and I gather they only offer it to mums of babies who die at or near term. Mears may know more if she is around.
I'm so sorry to hear of your baby's death . I hope you get some answers either from the amnio or the post mortem. Our PM was handled very sensitively.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but my first child was a c-section and so was my third, a dd born almost a year after my second son died. So although I found Tom's delivery a strange and sometimes harrowing experience (like you, managed on gas and air), I am "grateful" to him for giving me the chance to get an inkling of what it is like to give birth naturally. That's something I will always love him for.
I wish you all the luck in the world for next time.

[Spacecadet]

cori, i didnt have any milk production after latest misscarriage, but do have heavy breasts even now, i did have milk coming in after sam died in 1990 at 26 weeks, but they never gave me anything.

[cori]

Oh, Ok I just assumed the milk production was inevitable. I am glad it is not though.

Marina, it seems likely that my next child will be a ceaserean, when I was pregnant I was hoping to have VBAC but it seems that is not going to happen, having had an inkling of what is like I feel saddened to think I am never going to produce an alive healthy baby this way. After the birth on firday I did break down when I realised that this would probably be my first and only labour.

You know this thread is becoming like an online diary for me, It really is helping.
Thankyou everyone.

[Marina]

Ah, Cori, there are times when I feel like that too . Even after having dd. Thinking of you a lot, glad it helps to post at this awful time.

[Spacecadet]

cori

[wendy11]

Cori
I did have milk production after the birth of Adam. It came as an awful shock as no-one in the hospital had told me to expect this to happen. Adam was born on the Friday and my milk came in on the Sunday, so hopefully you have been spared this. I was given bromocryptin tablets - they worked but have the added problem of reducing your blood pressure so felt quite light headed while taking them.
Thinking about you (((Hugs)))

[Diddle]

cori - can't help on the milk isssue as my losses weren't as far along as yours. But i am really pleased that this site is helping you. I can't say i know how you feel and can't imagine knowing that the labour you went through would be your only time, just reading and typing it is making me fill up for you.
Look after yourself and feel free to say whatever you feel on here.

[cori]

Thank you all so much.
I wont be posting for a couple of days. Dont worry about me. I am off to Paris for a couple of days. We have had this trip booked for a couple of months. We are going to Disneyland, this was meant to be the last big treat for DS as an only child. Am looking forward to the trip but DS is being a bit of pain at the moment, I dont know if he is acting out because he is picking up on our emotions or its just another one of those stages. I will be back on Monday. Have a good weekend everybody.
Thanks again.

[Spacecadet]

have a good weekend cori hope your ds enjoys himself!

[cori]

Hello everybody,
We had a great weekend in Paris/Disneyland. It was great to get away from every thing has happened over the past few weeks and have some fun.
The trip was exhausting, I probably wasnt quite well enough to do it, I had a bad cold and conjuctivitis and there was no time to rest. However it was needed. I feel I am on the road to recovery, 80% better. I think I will take one more week off work, ( I need to be both mentally and physically prepared for my job).

Thanks again for all your support, Hopefully I will see you all on a TTC thread soon.

[Diddle]

cori - you lucky thing, so jealous of your Disney trip, i'm a huge Disney fan, used for work for them in this country.
Sounds like you're on the mend, feel free to join us on the ttc after m/c thread anytime. we're hee for you.

[Spacecadet]

glad you hada nice rest see you on the ttc board then soon?

[cori]

Yes, you will see me on a TTC board soon, Once I feel confident that my body is back to normal.

I am still having some bleeding which I find quite unusual. It will be two weeks tomorow since the'birth'. I bleed pretty heavily for about a week, I passed some rather large clots, The bleeding stopped, DH and I had sex, then the bleeding came back really heavily, ( for one day ) it then stopped again and I had just light brownish coloured spotting, and then it stopped. Had sex again, ( this morning) bleeding has returned and is bright red again. Obviously it is the BD that is stimulating the blood flow, am going to the GP tomorow, anyone else experienced this.

[wendy11]

Cori,

I also found that after sex the bleeding would return for a day or so. That continued more or less until my next af. If you are going to your GP tomorrow ask him about it just to put your mind at rest. Glad you had a good weekend away and look forward to seeing you on some of the ttc threads in the future.