April 05 Miscarriage

[Diddle]

Started bleeding 2 days ago, not much a no pain, then last night i was woken up with stomach cramps and heavy bleeding but no clots. then i could feel it, it just dropped out into the toilet paper. This is my 2nd Miscarriage in 2 months. feel so low and don't know what to think. Have a scan tomorrow will find out more then.
I'm exhausted. anyone else going through the same???

[Spacecadet]

cori{{{hugs}}} yes i did, although tiny , tiny i asked, they were rather reluctant i must admit but i needed to see my baby.

[HellKat]

Cori- So sorry to hear. That's awful.
I had a d&c done yesterday because my scan (last Monday) revealed our baby had died.
Please take care and try to look after yourself. We're here if you need us.

[cori]

Wendy
That must have been so horrible for you.
Especially as first timer.
Thank you for all your kind words.
It is very hard we dont have any family around us, I dont feel up to talking to even my closest friends, I dont want to talk to any one until I can control my tears.

I find my little boy a great comfort , even though he doesnt quite know what is going on.

The hospital have been very supportive, I cant praise them highly enough. The midwife who I saw at first ( when I got blood test results and was called in for a scan ) Has been fantastic. Herself having had seven miscarriages, icluding a set of twins at 18 weeks. ( she then went on to have two succesful pregnancies.

The hospital said we will be able to see the baby, and take pictures.
I am pleased about that.
I have also been given every blood test under the sun.
I had the tablets to soften the cervix today, and go back in on friday for induction, if labour hasnt already started.
Today was quite hard as I had to go back into the same room where the scan on Tuesday took place.

Spacecadet, were you able to tell the sex of the baby? I really want to know.

[Spacecadet]

thats a difficult one cori im not sure what stage you can tell the sex tbh but i was told that my baby appeared to be female so we called her eve.

[peepee]

I am lost for words...........How sad....
I get really sad when I hear these things. I see so much child neglect/abuse in my line of work and I can feel that there is so much compassion and love for all our lost babies. It is so unfair that good people are left with such feelings of loss.

HUGS TO YOU ALL

[mrsdarcy]

Cori - I'm really sorry you are having to go through this. I lost my daughter last year at 19 weeks. The local midwife couldn't pick up a heartbeat at a routine check-up, and a scan confirmed that she had died. I had already been through one induced and one spontaneous labour with my other children, and I really feel for you that this will be your first labour. I initially prepared a much longer posting which went into quite a lot of detail, but I don't want to go over the top. If you would like me to CAT you or would like to ask me anything, please feel free.

I had a think about some of the decisions I had to make - don't know if this will be of any help.

Things to think about:
Do you want someone else with you? We chose for my DH not to be there as we thought it might be easier if it felt medical, rather than like a normal labour IYKWIM.
Do you want them to do a post-mortem on the baby?
Do you want a priest/minister to bless the baby? We had a priest come to bless the baby and it was tremendously comforting.
Bring some light reading with you. Also some grotty knickers and sanitary towels.
SANDS told me that even though medically I had had a miscarriage, rather than a stillbirth, they could still help me. They are very good and quite used to very tearful phone calls. I'm sure you could call them before your labour and they would be able to offer support.

I wish you well and will be thinking of you and your poor baby over the coming days. xxx

[Arabica]

Oh Cori--I have been away from mumsnet for a few days and was so sad to see your news. My thoughts are with you and your DH and DS. I found it very helpful to post on mumsnet when I was going through my miscarriage. I hope it helps you to have somewhere safe to express how you are feeling. Even if it's so bloody difficult to know how to respond adequately. Sending love from Mr Arabica and DS too.

[cori]

Thanks Mrs Darcy and Arabica.
THe great comfort for me at the moment is that even though I dont feel comfortable talking to anyone yet really ( DH included) I can come on here and dont have to worry about burtsting into tears. It is harder for me when people try to physcically comfort me, I just cry more.

The hospital chapel holds services for babies that die.We will attend the service in about a month. We have also decided to plant a tree in remberance.

I dont think I want to have a post mortem on the baby. I have been told it can take a long time to get test results, and when this all over I just want to start thinking about moving forward. I want to think about the trying for the next one.
In some ways I think the more I know about what went wrong this time , the more I will worry next time.

[wendy11]

Cori
I know what you mean about finding it hard to talk to anyone in real life. Even still I find myself welling up every now and again when I talk about Adam. If it is any help we opted to have a post mortem carried out on Adams stomach only, simply because his loss was due to the fact that his kidneys had not developed properly and we wanted some genetic work carried out to get a % chance of it happening again. Adam was born on the 24th September and we only received the results of the PM two weeks ago. I don't know whether because we live in N Irland and all PM's are centralised in Belfast that it is much slower here than in the rest of the UK. For us we have not really been able to move on until we received those results, so while we know that there is probably only a 3% chance of it happening again the wait for the results has felt like a lifetime. I guess it is everyones individual choice. I will be thinking about you over the next few days.

[Arabica]

Thinking of you and your DH today, Cori. Let us know how the day goes.

[Diddle]

thinking of you Cori - hope you're ok today

[Spacecadet]

cori-im so sorry you are going through this, when i lost eve, i was told it might be a nice idea to plant atree or shrub in our garden to remember her by, we are considering whether to wait as we have put our house on the market, if we move we will plant a tree in our new garden, something graceful that will have nice blooms on it every year, i want it to be as a pretty as imagined our little girl would have been, hugs to cori, i hope you are ok.

[cori]

Well, its all over with now.
I am glad to be home.

I was given the first pessary at 10.30,didnt deliver until about 8.00pm, had a PCA and Gas and air.SOunds like a long time but it wasnt too bad really. I was spaced out on gas and air and morphine and the baby just popped out.
It was very small, I was 16.5 wks when I found out it had died, but they said it looked as if the baby stopped growing at around 13.5 weeks, though it didnt die until after my booking in appointment at 15.4 weeks, because I heard the heart beat.
I will get the results of the amnio on Tuesday and they will be able to tell what the sex is.
If the amnio comes back negative I might go ahead and have an postmortem, because it looked like it had some abnormailties.
I think DH is having more difficulty at the moment than I am. The first couple of days were the hardest for me, but obviously he saw the reality of it yesterday
I feel quite a sense of relief now, have been sleeping all day.
It has been a long week.

One positive thing to come out of this, is I finally got some answers as to why DS birth was so problematic ( two weeks overdue, 3 days of trying to be induced, waters broken , oxytocin, 12hours labour only 3 cm dilate finally an emergency ceaserean)is that I have a very narrow inlet to my cervix, and the cervix is very high.
Apparently it would be almost impossible ( or very very difficult ) for me to deliver full term naturally. So next time will be a fully planned and montiored ceaserean.

I am going to plant a tree through this website
www.forests4life.com. We will be definetly moving in couple of years, so it will be nice to plant in a forest.

[Diddle]

Cori - glad you're not feeling too bad. I can't begin to imagine what you have been through. Look after yourself.

[wendy11]

Cori,

I am so glad you are back home. Be kind to yourself over the next few days and don't take anything on that you are not comfortable with. You will have highs and lows but I hope that over the coming days, weeks and months you will be able to move forward and make plans for the future. You will never forget your little baby, he/she will live on in your heart forever. I don't know your religious thoughts but I know that when we lost Adam , my SIL told me to remember that we would always have a little angel waiting for us in heaven and I have thought of that many times, even now it brings me comfort.

[Spacecadet]

cori , so sad for you, rest and be kind to yourself, itsa horrible thing to have to go through..but you will come out the other side.{{hugs}}}

[cori]

Am feeling Ok today, but only because I dont have to face anyone who knew I was pregnant.
I havent spoken to any friends since this happened. I have been out and about today at a country park, not really a problem. I agreed to meet a friend tomorow ( because she is really worried about me I think) but I am not quite sure how it will go.
I dread the thought of having to go back to work.I am going to see GP on Tuesday and ask for two weeks off, hopefully will be OK after that.
Just the thought of having to answers peoples questions makes me cry.
Wendy , Spacecadet, How long did you take off work?( If you work out side home that is)

[Spacecadet]

cori, {{hugs}} facing people who knew you were pregnant is the hardest, they dont know what to say to you. I didnt have to take time off work as was already off work(ironically on maternity leave as dd is only 9 months) thats made it harder, my own mum said, well its a blessing in disguise really isnt it? cori, take as much time off as you need, its been 5 weeks since i lost my baby and just when i think the wound is healing, i see a preg woman or new born baby and just well up, you will know when you are ready, but def get signed off for 2 weeks in the meantime.

[Diddle]

cori - you should take as much time off as you need. I didn't take any with my 2nd m/c and now keep bursting into tears, probably because i never had time to grieve.
It is tough facing people, not many people know what to say unless they have been through it. I was surprised by how many people knew how i felt through their own experience of it. If you don't feel upto telling the people who knew you were pregnant, face to face, write them a letter/email or text.
Hope you get on ok tomorrow, and remember, if you need to cry just let it all out, bottling it up won't help you in the long run.

[wendy11]

Cori - I was off work for almost 4 months. I had complications at the birth of Adam and was very ill afterwards so had alot of physical as well as mental rebuilding to do. I returned to work on a 'phased return' where I worked a half day for a couple of days the first week and built it up until I was back full time. I don't know if this is an option for you but I srongly recommend it if you can. Your GP may be able to recommend this type of return to your employers. I agree with spacecadet - even yet, 6 months on I find it difficult to deal with new born babies and find myself welling up and unable to stay in the vicinity of them. I wonder sometimes if this will ever go away.
Sending you love and hugs and hoping for brighter days ahead for all of us.

[Diddle]

Morning everyone - how are you all after your long weekends? HOpe everyone is starting to feel a bit better now, anyone's morning sickness calming down yet?

[Diddle]

sorry guys posted this on the wrong page, think my brain is getting fuffled with all these threads.

[cori]

Yesterday went fine.It was such a beautiful day, we went to Kew gardens. I was a bit uncomfortable at first but managed to keep it together for the whole day, even when I saw a family and a new born baby. I felt quite proud of myself, have been congratulating myself on how strong I am. However just broke down at GP , she hasnt had a letter from Hospital yet so didnt know. This is the hardest part so far, talking to people who dont know.
Am OK now, have been thinking a lot about TTC again. It took 7 months to concieve this time, I dont want to have to try for so long again.

AM planning on going on a detox diet for a couple of weeks, banning processed foods etc. I am also going to look into Acupuncture and Homeopathy as well.
I feel I need to be in control somehow.

[Spacecadet]

cori, same thing happened to me a week ago, i went out with dh and every woman i saw seemed to be preg, it was awful.

[Diddle]

i think we're surrounded by them, everywhere i go there are pregnant women or newborns too. Its very depressing, I start filling up when i see them, so does my DH.