We discovered missed mc early december - lot of confusion over dates. Was offered erpc but wanted to do it naturally = baby size onyl 11 weeks so was told would not be nice but not too bad. Ended up delivering a foetus developed too much later, having repeated surgery and started to heamorrage mid december. Funeral next week. I had to leave hospital and start work two hours later, my partner and family were a bloody nightmare - he stayed at home every day for three weeks while i did everything, ruined christmas and i as a slef employed bread winner had to carry on and deal with the integration of my lovely but incredibly difficult step son with no breaks or time until after christmas when i said we would seperate if the constant pressure did not lessen. I still have nightmares, look like a normal person in the daytime but cant sleep properly am moody, anxious and cant even mention it without crying. There was a pregnant girl in my class last night and i felt like i had been kicked and i feel sick every time i think about trying again but at the same time feel so empty nothing else will fill the void. I feel like a crazy person and yet i dont feel like i can grieve anymore. when does it get easier. I feel like a failure (lost job through redundancy for second time in year in december and trying to start out on my own) and i dont know how to cope with everything when everyone expects and needs me to get on with it and be fine. sorry for the rant.