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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

i need help is anyone there?

14 replies

Ilovebeingamummy · 08/12/2008 09:06

I started miscarrying for the 2nd time in 3 cycles on saturday. I am just aching with the pain of it all.

I have held it together all weekend and now i am at home alone and just desperate to make the emptiness go away

I need someone to talk to but there is no-one. my mum is on holiday the other side of the world.

OP posts:
Ilovebeingamummy · 08/12/2008 09:07

I have 2 wonderful children 3.6 and 22mths, boy and a girl. Am a greedy. Why is there still a gaping hole when i have so much already?

OP posts:
eleanorsmum · 08/12/2008 09:07

oh hun, big hugs for you. sending loving thoughts. it's so ahrd and very painful. are you being seen at an epu?

tumpymother · 08/12/2008 09:08

big hugs

kormaisforlifenotjustchristmas · 08/12/2008 09:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ilovebeingamummy · 08/12/2008 09:12

thank you.

I haven;t seen anyone about it yet it started saturday. I know they will say the same again - no need for epu - too much blood to be any need for a scan

OP posts:
mmulledwine · 08/12/2008 10:09

ilovebeingamummy it doesn't matter how many children we have the pain is never any less. It takes time but it does get easier to cope with. I have had 3 mc in the past year and although I already have dd (age5) it still hurts so much. Right now your emotions will be very raw, don't expect too much from yourself atm, give your children extra hugs I always felt that helped.

belgo · 08/12/2008 10:16

Ilovebeingamummy - what you are experiencing is so similar to me nearly a year ago. I already had two beautiful daughters, but like you I was desperate for a third baby. Twice I miscarried last year. I did feel as though I was being greedy, and making a fuss about nothing, especially as the miscarriages physically weren't that bad.

It caused a lot of stress between me and dh, especially after my second miscarriage. I was devastated, I thought nothing would ever make the pain go away. It did help that I had the comfort of having two children.

But it did gradually lessen, and I became pregnant again, and now have a new ds.

Miscarriages are just unfortunately very common, it doesn't necessarily mean that there is a problem, especially as you already have two children.

Look after yourself, and please try and stay hopeful.

Ilovebeingamummy · 08/12/2008 10:36

thank you both.

Belgo especially you have given me hope. I just can;t bear the thought of ttc again but i know it is the only thing that will heal this pain. Or the horror of a 3rd mc.

I just don't understand why. Once seemed ok, normal somehow. Twice just doesn't.

OP posts:
Ilovebeingamummy · 08/12/2008 10:38

Not ok. Just 'normal' (I was the last of our group of friends to have one) It is never ok is it.

OP posts:
belgo · 08/12/2008 10:42

I know what you mean - one miscarriage I kind of expected as so many women I know have had miscarriages or other problems.

But twice was a huge shock, and I really thought I would never be able to have another successful pregnancy.

catsmother · 08/12/2008 10:50

I'm really sorry you are going through this too. I miscarried 10 days ago, for the 2nd time within 3 months, at 7 weeks. It was my 3rd m/c, and I too already have 2 children (aged 18 & 5) but the point is, if you have decided you'd like more, and gone through the whole process of planning, conceiving and then anticipating your new child, then of course it is going to hurt tremendously when you lose them.

I actually went to hospital each time. Am not sure if I should be "wasting" NHS resources when, as you say, it seems obvious what will happen but there are a couple of things to consider. Firstly, there are some women (albeit not many) who have had horrendously scary bleeding suggesting a m/c, but who have been found to have another explanation for the bleed and who have gone on to have a normal pregnancy. The hospital can obviously confirm this. Secondly, a scan will check if, after m/c, there are any "products of conception" (horrible term but I can't think what else to say) left which may or may not need medical intervention. I wanted to know that it was okay to try again, and wouldn't have wanted to worry that there was any slight risk of infection, further bleeding and/or pain if not everything had been passed. Plus, going to hospital also means you are in the system should any further investigations take place ... it's absolute proof that you have miscarried when you say you have and might just swing it for you if your doctor is otherwise reluctant to refer you for tests.

Having said that I've just been to see my GP who's referring me to the gynaecologist at the hospital in case there is any underlying reason (other than bad luck and my age - I am 44) for what's happened. He couldn't have been nicer about it and has also said that if I conceive again in the meantime, he will hurry up the referral and ask for me to be monitored more closely ..... for example, by checking to see if oestrogen treatment would help me to maintain the pregnancy.

I don't know how old you are but it might help you to feel more "in control" by seeking advice and help from your GP. Yes, we all know that the vast majority of m/cs can't be explained, but there are things that can be done for some women and personally I want to feel that I have done everything I could to help myself no matter what the outcome. The worst thing your GP could say would be no, but then you'd be no worse off.

How far along are you ? Had you seen the midwife yet ? ..... if so, give her a call ..... I expect she would suggest going to hospital (if you can, with 2 littlies) for similar reasons as the ones I've already mentioned.

Take care of yourself ...... this horrible "limbo" period, awaiting what is probably, sadly, "inevitable" is hell, with each trip to the loo a depressing and upsetting can't-believe-this-is-happening experience.

Remember you can always come on here to "talk".

Ilovebeingamummy · 08/12/2008 13:10

thanks cats mother.

I am 28 no previous problems.

I am still confused having just read lesley regan's book from cover to cover.

My cycle in between the mcs was 34 days - not sure if this is my 'normal' cycle length as i wasn;t keeping track before ttc again. On both mcs the hpts were -ve until day 34 followed by heavy bleeding exactly 5 days later.

The book says if implantation takes longer than 8-10 days dpo there is a very high chance of early miscarriage or biochemical pregnancy. It seems like this is what may be happening as even based on 34 day cycle that is a 12 day luteal phase.

Assuming hcg isn't detectable (I use first response) until implantation. Anyone have any thoughts?

I know in my heart i am trying to rationalise the irrational and all i can do is keep trying, look at my two beautiful children and be thankful..but somehow i want a reason and hope that it won't happen again.

OP posts:
Ilovebeingamummy · 08/12/2008 13:12

i considered epu last time btw - but in my heart i knew it was over so was advised not to put myself through the scan. I don't want to see my womb on a screen without a baby looking out

Plus they won't offer it if hpt's are -ve. Will do another test in a few days and consider it if still +ve

Also rang GP - next appt they will offer me is in a WEEK

OP posts:
ChasingButterflies · 08/12/2008 16:41

ilovebeingamummy, I'm so sorry.

Just wanted to offer some reassurance on the scan, if you decide to ask for one. I had a mmc three weeks ago and the sonographer was hugely sensitive about it all. For both scans (to confirm mc and later to check all had come away) the screen was turned away from me. In the 2nd, she asked if I wanted to see it - I did, but it would have been just as easy to say no.
Good luck

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