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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Strangely bothered by not knowing

12 replies

JingleJools · 04/12/2008 17:31

Not knowing how far my pregnancy actually got

MC was at 11+4 with no prior warning, so no scans (Dating scan appt was for 2 hours after I started gushing blood)

I hate the fact that I never knew how far along the little bean was, so if I get PG again, I'm going to be worrying obsessively all the way up to 12 weeks because I have no psychological milestone to pass

I had pain, but have a high pain threshold so can't really gauge it, and lots of large clots, including one (sorry if TMI) that really made me start to understand the urge to push - does this suggest the size / age of the sac ?

I had the slightest smudge of brown blood at around 6 weeks, some bad cramps that had me doubled over in pain at 7 weeks, but boobs remained large and sore until the morning of the MC (they may have started deflating the day before I think)

I also had a bad headache that I couldn't shift for several days - it finally went after I took paracetamol, 4 days before the MC. Could that have been IT ? (not the tablets - the headache !)

For the first time ever I saw both ends of a beautiful rainbow that day - over St Ives Bay. I keep telling myself that was the little one saying goodbye, and keep the picture - but don't really know.

Any ideas / thoughts on how far I REALLY got into my first pregnancy ?

OP posts:

WishIKnewWhatToDo · 04/12/2008 17:51

Sorry i can't help you - just wanted to say im very sorry for your news x

TheProvincialLady · 04/12/2008 18:00

I don't think there is any way of knowing for sure. The headache could easily have been hormonal, due to pregnancy thriving OR failing, and the spotting and cramps are also normal for many pregnancies.

If you have suffered miscarriage at any stage it is difficult not to worry in future pregnancies. I miscarried at just 5 weeks and still fretted and worried right up until the 20 week scan of my current pregnancy. It is a horrible thing to go through and much so for you as you were so much further along.

I am so sorry for your loss

MarxAndSparks · 04/12/2008 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littleboyblue · 04/12/2008 18:15

OMG, I'm so sorry for your loss. Agree that you may never know for sure how far you got. As there are no set reasons for things like this happening no-one can say for sure.
My first pregnancy ended in m/c (and 2nd and 4th). I lost some brown blood, was scanned at 10wks and was told the size was 8 wks, but there were no signs at the time.
For every pg since, the gp has recommended I get an early scan due to mental well-being.
I really don't know what to say.......

littleboyblue · 04/12/2008 18:18

Oh, forgot to mention as well, when I fell with my 5th pg (found out I was 6 weeks, 6 weeks after m/c) I was told that it is far harder for the heart to stop beating once it had started than not beat at all and as the heart starts beating at about 6/7 weeks, maybe you didn't get further than that.
I know it doesn't help at all.

Springflower · 04/12/2008 19:40

I know the statistics say that once you see a heart beat you are less likely to miscarry but in two of my four miscarriages there was a heart beat but then there was slow growth and then miscarriage. So, when should have been 9 weeks measured 7 and then at 11 weeks no heart beat so it means it could still have been quite far on but you still wouldnt see so much (if that makes sense). In other mc I had had scans showing heart beat and then suddenly all my symptoms stopped and I always thought that was when it stopped developing. I know they say the hormones can remain in your system but this was only a few days after scan with heartbeat. Anyway, I do think that it is unusual to know exactly what has happened when and it can be just another thing to wonder about and try to make sense of. Sorry this has happened to you though.

Original poster

JingleJools · 04/12/2008 21:58

Thanks everyone

I'm none the wiser I guess, as I never even thought about keeping what was passed, so couldn't even see what the sac looked like

I don't even know what I wanted to hear. Part of me wants to think that I didn't get past 6 /7 weeks because that is a closer milestone to hold on to next time. The other part of me is horrified that I potentially spent a month or more thinking I was PG, happily making plans whilst all the while, I had a dead baby inside me That feels like my body has cheated me and I will never trust it again ...

In my head, all the while I was PG, I was anxious and trying to be realistic, but a little voice in my head was telling me "I am never ill, I am super healthy, I conceived in 3 months, these things happen to other people - i'll be fine" ... It has shaken my faith in myself I think

I feel better for asking the question and writing that down - I guess that is a positive things

OP posts:

littleboyblue · 04/12/2008 22:22

I felt the same way after my first mc, I felt that my body had cheated me I mean this is what it was designed to do.
I lost all respect for myself and my body and in the 4 years that followed managed to sleep with 15 different people.
Not sure why I'm sharing that, I suppose to let you know everything your feeling now is completely normal. You have lost and need the time to grieve for what could have been. It does get easier. I wrote a letter to what would have been my baby. I wrote down all the feelings I was having and how much I would have loved her and looked after her and that I was sorry I wouldn't ever meet her. I know it sounds silly but it did really help.

Saz78 · 05/12/2008 11:10

I know how you feel - I am so angry at myself for getting excited and making plans for the future when all the while it was dead. I feel like my body has betrayed me too, how could it have done this to me and how could i not have known somehow that it had all gone wrong? Having a letter from the NHS this morning "congratulations on your pregnancy, here are the details of your midwife's appointment" didnt help! xx

Original poster

JingleJools · 05/12/2008 11:18

Oh Saz I am dreading that - although I had my booking in at 8 weeks (was it dead then ? Was it a complete waste of time ?? )

Apparently they like to see all first timers at 8 weeks in my area - it seems to vary soo much.

I was expecting a letter telling me off for not turning up to my 12 week scan, but have a feeling that, since that was the day I phoned the antenatal dept in floods of tears, asking what to do, some kind person may have let the right people know. I would be 16 weeks today and was supposed to book a second appt with the midwife - am still wondering if I get a phone call from her !

OP posts:

MarxAndSparks · 05/12/2008 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadMarg · 08/12/2008 15:38

I know how you feel - I had a scan and only because of that did I know that the baby had never gone beyond attaching - only 1.6 mm, yet my body kept the pregnancy going until 12 weeks. I should never have even known that I was pregnant, because the attachment was not successful.

If my body had passed the placenta 4 days earlier, I would never have had the scan and would not have known that the MC had actually been so early.

I am pregnant now, and am too scared to feel hopeful, until my scan.

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