Meeting up wih preg friend and i just can't cope!

[sue10]

Hello ladies,
after several mc's and a mmc i find myself unable to cope with having to be with preg friends or family and hide myself away most of the time. HOWEVER, most of my friends are preg or about to pop and i just keep trying to avoid them!! Tomorrow i am to meet up with a friend who is due next week, im so false and just keep grinning when i see her that im sure she knows. She does know about my mc's but i think that when my friends become preg they tend to forget about how others are feeling and it's all about them and baby talk. I haven't seen her since she was 12weeks! I really am dreading it, any advice?

On top of all this i have just found out that my sister is trying again for baby number three, there's just no escape!
Thanks

I know how you feel sue, my step sis, sil are bith pg, then this weekend another friend has announced her pg too. Anyway my sil came for a visit last weekend, and I was dreading it, but we had a lovely time. I just relaxed and enjoyed her company, and it all turned out fine. I hope your visit goes well xx

sue10 so sorry to hear about your losses. I had a mc in september at 11 weeks and I was the same about meeting pregnant women, you only have to read my previous posts on MN to read how much it stressed me out!

My SIL gave birth 2 weeks ago, and I just kept on crying, felt so selfish for just thinking about myself. However I have since gone to see her and her new daughter, and although I was so worried and nervous beforehand, I was able to keep my emotions in check and not burst into tears! It helped that I spoke to DH beforehand and told him how i was feeling, so he was by my side the whole time. SIL let me change baby's nappy and clothes and it meant to much to me. I texted her later on to say thanks to her for letting me do that.
I went again today to see my SIL and her baby, and it does get easier each time, just like other Mumsnetters told me it would.

I also had to spend a whole day in training with a friend at work last week who is due in feb. The last time I met her before the training, I told her I had a MC and had been avoiding her since then because it was too painful to see people with bumps. But when we did meet last week, it was fine, I didnt talk to her about my MC and she didnt mention it either. But she was quite sensitive towards me when other people came to talk to her about her own pregnancy and she looked quite embarrased for me at times..

Anyway enough of my ramblings! The best advice I can give is people shouldnt expect you to just get on with life and hopefully people are sensitive towards you....good luck for tomorrow...let us know how you get on....

Dear Sue,

So sorry to hear you are having a hard time.
I know EXACTLY how you feel! I have become very anti social with pregnant/mumsey friends since 2 early mc this year. I chose not to tell everyone apart from 2 close girlfriends and my parents because we had only just begun trying and I was so shocked and stressed out that I didn't want the pressure of everyone knowing we were having problems/wondering if we'll be ok etc. It was my choice, and now I'm feeling a bit better, I'm glad I kept it to myself.

One thing that has come out of it is that I have broadend my social circle a bit to people who don't have kids or are much older/younger than me and I'm really really enjoying the change of company. We tend to stick to friends who are like us and doing the same things, but this has made me seek friendship in other ways and it really takes the pressure off.

Seen as you have told people what has happened to you, I don't think there is anything wrong in being completely honest with pregnant/new mum friends and tell them you are finding it too hard to see them right now. If I were pregnant I would completely understand how painful it was for someone who had had a mc.
Also make sure you tell your other half how hard you are finding this time. Men cope VERY differently and I had to have a massive honest heart to heart with my dp where I laid all my emotions, even the ones I was ashamed of, on the table. From then on he was absolutely brilliant and so supportive in social occassions where he knew I was strung out. It's very easy to assume other people know how you are feeling, but they just don't.

Keep letting your feelings out xxx

Hi ladies,
many thanks for your replies, it's so nice to know that im not alone. The meeting went ok, i just kept smiling /praising how well she lloked and listened really. All she wanted to do was talk about how she felt/ the nursery/ birthing plan an show me photos of other friend that's just had baby!!! Although she knows about a few of my mc's, she doesn't know about any of the recent ones, no-one does as me and dh husbamdn dont bother to tell anyone anymore, i think it's easier that way. She didn't ask me how i was but i would have just said that we are taking a break if she had. TBH, if we had the money i would move away from everyone as by no exageration all my friends/ family really are preg or just had babies, i think it's because we are all hitting around late 20's/early 30's! Sorry for waffling on but thanks again for listening.
WU75, i agree i would understand to if i was preg and a friend had a mc, but it seems that those who have good preg seem to be so self absorbed that they forget how others are feeling, not everyone of course as this is just my experieces!
Am glad you enjoyed your visit Vjay and Sabs, it must have been a difficult. Welldone though. Takecare. Things can only get better right?
XXX.

hi sue,

I agree it's very difficult with friends who are so absorbed by their new experiences. i want to be there too! that's the really hard thing about it, it just seems so unfair.
i keep trying to console myself that my time WILL come.
we are here if you need to vent off some more, you are not waffling, it's a really hard time. at least it's winter now which is always a good excuse for staying in loads!
i've got 2 friends who've had babies who i haven't yet seen and like you, i'm really dreading having to see them. i know it will be ok, but it's just getting the energy together to get through it that i can't seem to do....

xxxx

its hard isnt it. take care