Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Fear that I'll never have another baby

36 replies

Gateau · 20/10/2008 09:08

Hi,
It looks like I'm having my third m/c. I went for a scan after spotting last week and they told me that they couldn't see anything in the pregnancy sac - but the sonographer said the chances were I had had a missed miscarriage. I have to go back for another scan this week to get a "clearer picture." But as I have started bleeding more and with some clots, any remote chance of positive news has now almost diminished.
Am feeling very upset as this is the second m/c in a matter of months. The one before started in April - and wasn't brought to a conclusion until July. I just can't believe this has happened again so soon; I was quite positive about this pg; everything just felt right about it. (I also had a m/c several years before my DS was born).
I know I am blessed to have a healthy, beautiful little boy (18 months); some people don't even get this chance. But I always wanted to have at leat two DC and for him to have a sibling and I am just worried that this will never happen. The midwife in the EPU told me after the scan that this happening could have something to do with my age. I'm 39 next month. I'm just so terrified of never being able to carry a baby successfully again.
Has anyone has any similiar experiences?

OP posts:

Original poster

Gateau · 21/10/2008 08:33

andelle, I was a little positive that it hadn't been confirmed and I have another scan on Thurs, but over the last 4/5 days I have had quite a lot of bleeding and some clots, so nearly all my hope has diminshed TBH. So I'm kind of prepared for the bad news on Thurs. Anything more will be a huge bonus.

OP posts:

VickyJane77 · 21/10/2008 10:00

Hi I've had two miscarriage now within 4 months of each other, both times I was lucky enough to get PG straight away, but I just couldn't hold onto them.

slightlycrumpled · 21/10/2008 11:21

Hi Gateau, I have also had two miscarriages this year, one in March and one just a few weeks ago.

I have 2 children already, and whilst of course they bring me great comfort it doesn't detract from my grief.

I am also worried that my body just isn't up to the job anymore. I'm 35.

I know I'm lucky for all that I have however I just need to be able to stop this desire for another child.

Good luck for Thursday, I hope you do get good news, and if it's bad news I hope you are treated well.

prplmnkfsh · 22/10/2008 16:51

I'm 23 and i'm suffering something similar. My little boy is nearly 2 and following a miscarriage in August i'm still waiting on a period. I'm not ovulating, my body appears to have just quit on me. Sigh.

I have pcos AND a bicornuate uterus apparently... neither of which help. It's quite likely I wont be able to give my little boy a biological sibling and it hurts.. it really really hurts.

Thing is, we can't give up. I wont give up, not till it's certain that everything has failed on me.

They have a lot of drugs and treatments nowdays right? So I suppsoe we all cling to that and try to stay positive.

I'm so sorry for your losses. I hope you get your second child soon.

Izabella · 22/10/2008 22:01

Gateau, I am so sorry that you find yourself in this awful position of not knowing and that you have had miscarriages in the past. I also know the fear and dread of not being able to have another baby. Poeple can't understand that I am not content with my DD, but its not that at all. Our family isn't yet complete and I am doing this as much for my DD as for myself. A friend said to me the other day 'Wouldn't it be lovely if you could re-programme your brain to think, I've got my one child and I'm stoping here, but that is not the way your brain is wired. You want this second child and it is a desire you have to keep chasing until you get your dream or all the doors are firmly shut.'

The pain and grief of a miscarriage completley drains you both emotionally and physically and no doubt there is a cost involved in getting back on that journey to try for that next baby.

What I would advise you to do is get through tomorrow first. If it is not the outcome you are hoping for then seek a referral to your local gyne / fertility clinic. They may well carry out some tests to get a clearer picture of what is going on. I wouldn't consider IVF unless it is recommended to you as the miscarriage rates are just as high, if not not slightly higher than normal pregnancies (I miscarried IVF twins at six weeks last Thursday).

Lubyloo · 23/10/2008 20:36

How did things go today Gateau? I've been thinking about you. Hope you are ok.

Lubyloo · 25/10/2008 19:14

Bump. Hope you're ok Gateau.

Original poster

Gateau · 27/10/2008 11:29

Thanks for thinking of me, Luby.
The scan revelaed what I expected - a m/c. Still very upsetting although we expected it.
What makes it harder is that, like last time, the preg sac is till there. LAst time I eventually had to have a ERPC, but as I have now had two of them , the midwife in the EPU advised me not to have another. So if there everything has not gone by this Thurs, I have to have medical management., A tedious, yucky process by all accounts, but the only option.
Izabella, thank for your advice. I did ask about being refeerd to a gynae consultant and the m/w said I could, but I would prob hhave to wait until about Feb to see anyone- and not get pg before then. A really difficult choice, eh??! My DH and I have decided to try to get pg again. I just can;t wait that long..

OP posts:

Lubyloo · 27/10/2008 20:41

So sorry to hear that Gateau. I know it's the news you were expecting but until it is confirmed you always hold out some hope.

I didn't realise that it wasn't advised to have more than two ERPCs. Did they say why? My friend had a medical miscarriage last year at 12 weeks (baby stopped growing at 7 weeks). She has had a natural miscarriage in the past and she said she much preferred the medical management as at least she had an idea of when everything was going to start happening and that there was an end in sight. So even though it isn't what you want it hopefully won't be as bad as you fear.

I hope you get a clear scan on Thursday and you can start to look to the future.

Original poster

Gateau · 28/10/2008 08:35

Luby, more than two ERPCs isn't advised because the operation can lead to scarring of the womb which doesn't make it easy for eggs to embed.If I do have the med management, I have to stay in ALL day and probably overnight. What a long day instead of being out and about having a nice time with my DS. Still, it has to be done so....

OP posts:

39MomSherri · 26/02/2009 16:38

Don't give up! If you got pregnant at 38 you will still be able to get pregnant at 39. It's a numbers game right now - some of your eggs are just going to not be good enough and will lead to miscarriage, and some WILL be good enough, so you have to go through some failures.

I am 38 and have had three miscarriages in the last year and now am about to have a normal, healthy baby!!! It's a lot of waiting and planning and it's rough but it all works out in the end. And yes you are lucky to have one healthy little boy...it's not the end of the world if he is an only child because he'll get more attention.

Just be glad you have a support network rooting for you - that can be more important than anything else!

Flip

1 2