3 months since miscarriage and terrified I may have caused it

[HairyToe]

Had a MMC in June. Dealt with it all ok then and thought I was 'over it' now - I came to terms with it as 'one of those things' and assumed that there was something wrong with the foetus which made it not viable (I have 2 dcs already and no mc history).

This is going to sound stupid now and I'm not sure what exactly I'm hoping to achieve by posting but last night I was in the shower and absent mindedly read the side of a bubble bath on the shelf which I occasionally use. It's got rosemary essential oil in it. Something rang an alarm bell in my mind and when I came down I checked on here and sure enough rosemary is contraindicated in pregnancy.

Now I feel awful all over again. Can't remember if I had a bath in it when I was pregnant - can;t even remember when I bought it (I've been trawling through old Tesco's online order confirmations on my email to try and find it). Dh says I'm mad to keep beating myself up about it and whats happened has heappened and it's not relevant now.

But can't shake the fear that the baby was fine and I caused a problem by something as dumb as having a bath. I felt fine before I'd even 'forgotten' about it (although I was disappointed to not have conceived again yet and that my cycle has gone haywire) - can;t believe how much it hurts again.

ok, so if it were me saying all of this to you...what would you say to me?

I too had a mc in March (my 3rd) nothing that i did caused it. Nothing.

I dont know what to say to comfort you with this, its awful, horrible and hurts very very much, i know, but please be reassured that it was not your fault. Babies are so well protected in the womb, bathing would not cause a mc, even with some highly dilute nice smelling oils.

Theres no way that the amount if rosemary oil in that bubble bath could have caused your mc. In a commercial product they never have the oils in high enough concentrations to be more than a light fragrance.

Look after yourself

cmotdibbler is right.

Oh I am so sorry you are feeling this way, believe me their is no way that this could have caused a m/c.

It is perfectly natural to try and find an explanation, but this isn't it.

Please try and talk to someone in RL, you sound very upset.

Thank you for replying so quickly - I was hoping some people would be reassuring (and to be completely honest Cmotdibbler I was hoping someone would say exactly what you said). I was a bit apprehensive about posting in case I heard things I didn't want to hear - stupid eh?

At the time of the mc I went through the analysing evry action I took to try and work out what did wrong but thought I'd got through it and could move on.

I can;t believ how many people have responded. Thank you all so much. WTWTA I don't feel I can talk to anyoine in RL anymore - I did do at the time but don;t feel I can keep bringing it up. I don;t want to look like I'm wallowing, feeling sorry for myself.

The trouble is I'm a dweller and find it hard to just accept sh*t happens. Even when you try to do the right things.

TTC since mc has been emotional(and unsuccessful) and my peiord is due any day now (pretty sure its on its way) - don't suppose that helps my frame of mind.

Trying to relax and stop thinking about it and concentrate on the two children I've got. Easier said than done.

Thank you again for your kind words.

HairyToe I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Everything that everyone's said here is so true. But further to that, I wanted to let you know that you're not alone. My mc was in March and for the most part I've come to terms with it...but part of me still wonders about the causes. I flew overseas when I was about 10 weeks and I still sometimes wonder if I shouldn't have. But I know that's just absolutely ridiculous. there's nothing we did to cause our mc's. I hope you take comfort in knowing you're not alone.

Hi HairyToe I agree with what everyone so far has said. Your bubble bath won't have made any difference whatsoever, so please don't beat yourself up about it. I too have gone through the stage of trying to find a reason why - I even started using different stuff to clean the bathroom. I then came across a website with information for people who have had mc's and the following quote helped put my mind at rest. It is not our fault that we have lost our babies.

"Over half of all miscarriages are caused by chromosomal factors that are completely out of our hands. Not preventable. Nothing we can do. The majority of the others are also unrelated to anything we personally did, but some infection that got us, a poorly formed placenta or umbilical cord, a hormone problem, or health condition we didn't know about. Don't let anyone, not even your partner or your mother (or yes, the mother-in-law) tell you this was your fault. It absolutely, positively was not."

HTH

Hi Hairytoe, I know you've already had loads of fantastic supportive comments on here but just felt like I had to add that there is no way having a bath in diluted rosemary oils would cause any harm so it was nothing you have done. As a previous poster has said, the actual amount of essential oils in a bath product is so low it would do no harm at all and if there is the slightest risk they are required by law to state not suitable for pregnant women on the bottle. Even then this is just something that has to be included to cover their own backs.

Sorry to hear of your loss

LBOT - I flew to Minorca at 8 weeks and was nervous beforehand in case there was a risk. At my scan the sonographer said foetus died around 7 weeks so I comforted myself (iykwim) thinking that the baby had died before I flew. Then of course I read something on here about foetuses 'shrinking' after they died so convinced myself the flight caused the miscarriage and it had died at 8 weeks and shrank back to the size of a 7 week foetus.

Dh wishes I wouldn't read MN for these reasons but I do feel I get a lot more positive support and help through this forum which 'outweighs' the stuff which feeds my neurosis!

The trouble is there are so many things nowadays that you are to supposed to do when pregnant its easy to get worked up about what you may have done wrong. And now I;ve decided to stop trying to conceive(temping, charting) and just not think about it (and carry on having unprotected sex of course!). The trouble is if I'm not thinking about whether I may be pregnant do I drink, take ibuprofen, use essential oils, sit in jacuzzis, eat pate etc etc etc? If I do then am I putting any new pregnancy at risk, but if I continually avoid these things I'm obviously thinking about being pregnant. And do I continue to take prenatal vitamins or should I just throw caution to the wind, stop taking them and take up smoking in an attempt to bluff my body!

I sense I may be thinking about this a bit too much and not (ahem) relaxing but if you can't obsess on here where can you?

Feel a bit better now from all your posts.

...that should read "so many things nowadays that you are not supposed to do when pregnant"

monkey bum and mystic - thanks for your reassuring words. That quote from the website is brilliant - maybe I should print it out and stick it to my fridge

HairyToe we had a termination in Feb when it was found that our baby had multiple heart defects - and I am always wondering if I caused it somehow. The doctors keep telling me that they don't know what causes these defects, but that it's unlikely to be something I did, but I still blame myself.

So far I've blamed it on:

• me working too hard in early pregnancy
• some workmen using a strong solvent in the office for one day when I was about 14 weeks (despite it being non-toxic and me sitting next to an open window)
• me having baths that were too hot
• me not eating well enough
• me cycling to work
• me missing a couple of days of my folic acid

etc etc

I totally understand your sadness, and how you feel about 'wallowing' - I feel people must be sick of hearing me go on about it, but these things do take time to get over.

It's incredibly sad to lose a baby, however it happens, and you really have to give yourself time to grieve and allow yourself to have all the feelings you have, iyswim, without dismissing them as silly or ridiculous.

If you read the thread about the mother who smoked throughout pregnancy you'll see so many stories of people who did everything you shouldn't and had healthy babies - pregnancy is a real lottery, and sometimes it doesn't turn out like you hope. You can't be perfect - you just do the best you can and hope for the best.

HTH

LMD x

Thank you LMD. So sorry about your baby. That must have been an awful experience for you. I haven't seen the other thread about the smoking. I'll have a look.

I've gotta run, but HairyToe I had the same exact situation - I flew between 9 and 10 weeks, fetus measured 7. I too read about the shrinking and thought it would've been around the right time.

But you know and I know it's not the cause. I'm so sorry you're feeling donw.

Hello Hairytoe, lastboxoftampons and everyone else - and hi monkeybumsmum - having had a mmc at 10 wks (baby stopped growing at 6 wks, and yes, I flew), I just wanted to second what has been said here by you other wise ladies:

There's absolutely no way that a few tablespoons of a commercially produced bubble bath with a tiny percentage of (poorly sourced!) rosemary essential oil in it, poured into a bath full of water, could possibly have affected your baby. My sister is a complementary therapist and confirms this. Don't give it another thought.

Flying has absolutely NO effect in the first or second trimester of pregnancy. Commercial airliners rarely have cabin altitudes higher than 7000-8000 feet, which is no worse than taking a drive into highish mountains.

Working too hard? In my first pg I worked right up to the eve of labour in a super-stressed and hateful job (literally - stopped work at 5pm that day and my waters broke at 8pm!) and that one was completely problem-free. During my second pg I worked entirely from home, free of stress, doing a job I adore, and that pg resulted in a mc.

I was also using exactly the same bathroom cleaner during both pgs...

Non-toxic solvents are just that: non-toxic. AND the room was well ventilated. Don't worry!

Hot baths are only dangerous if they are so hot that they elevate your temp to 102 degrees F for 24 hours. Anyone stayed in a bath that hot for 24 hrs? Didn't think so!

Eating well enough: it doesn't matter if you eat badly. The baby will take what it needs; it's your body that will suffer. The baby is a very efficient filter-feeder.

Cycling to work: great exercise and only potentially dangerous if you fall off! (and not even necessarily then, as the baby is so well padded in there.)

The bottom line is that they don't tell you until you've had one that early mc is very, very common. As many as 15% of the eggs from healthy fertile women are lost before they are fertilised. A further 15% degenerate because they are unable to implant in the womb lining. Of those that do implant, at least 30% are unable to progress into a recognisable pg. Taken together, that's 60% (nearly two-thirds) of all conceptions or potential pgs that are lost.

Ladies, it's really not our fault (and I've also obsessed about it all, don't worry!) xx

Thanks VillageMum. Its good to hear some sensible advice and reassurance. Also helps with my other decision to lead a normal life (including such dangerous pursuits as eating blue cheese, going to spas and drinking red wine) and forget about trying to be pregnant.

Hi, HairyToe - allowing oneself to be happy again and lead a normal life is the hardest part, isn't it? Good for you. Go ahead and embrace life! That's what it's for and we will be better mums one day if we do. I will too... xx