Thinging of giving up ttc no 3 after miscarriage - will I regret it?

[barlow]

I've been very on and off the idea of having a 3rd child (i.e. its dominated my thoughts for about a year) but during an on phase earlier this year I conceived and was delighted. Unfortunately I miscarried at 5 weeks and was gutted but thought at the time that it showed that it was what we really wanted. Since then I've been getting pretty obsessed about TTC and disappointed each month when its not happened. When I really look at it I wonder if part of my disappointment is that I've not got pregnant rather than I'm closer to having a third child( as having 3 really terrifies me). Its not that I'm scared of hard work but for many reasons I now think we should stop TTC and be grateful and enjoy our 2 lovely children.

However since my miscarriage I get quite upset when I hear of friends who are pregnant and find talking to one whose due date was the same as mine really hard. There will be more of these challenges ahead too.

I am concerned that as I did conceive a child and then lost it will I really come to regret not having a 3rd? Unfortunately I am the sort of person that dwells on things and worries. I'm not sure if there'll be anyone on this board in the same boat as me, maybe I should post it on another board?

[Propermardy]

24carrot, I'm sorry to read about your loss, I hope things have settled for you. I'm in the same situation. I MC this week at 7 weeks (started bleeding at 6 weeks), this was after losing my son at 5 months pregnant earlier in the year. I'm 38, with two children age 5 and 7. I'm one of 3 and always wanted 3 but it just doesn't seem to be happening and am torn as to how long I chase the dream and when to let go. I think sadly my age is against me. I had no trouble conceiving my first two and had no losses before this awful year.

[24carrot]

Oh Propermardy I'm so sorry, what a dreadful time you're having of it. Thankfully for me things have settled down now physically, that part was oddly untraumatic, but my mind's been whizzing non-stop and I'm struggling to process all my thoughts and feelings. Plus I still feel pregnant so have to keep reminding myself I'm not, which is upsetting every time. I didn't imagine MC would be like this, I always assumed it would be pure devastation and grief, but it's a very confusing mixture. Do you mind me asking how you were and what happened after your first MC? Were you sure at that stage you would try again or did it take time? I'm only wondering if I'm a bit confused because at 7 weeks I was still getting used to the idea of being pregnant, but 5 months is a whole different story.

[Propermardy]

Hi, it was very different experience, I had a labour and delivery on a special bereavement suite at hospital. It took a while for my body to settle down to start TTC a but I was sure immediately I wanted to try again. This early miscarriage physically seems to have been over pretty quickly, but mentally like you I'm struggling. I know what you mean about still feeling pregnant, I think that probably is hormonal. If I'm honest, im alternating between being very low, then very, very angry and then kind of resigned. I know the anger and confusion is all part of the grieving process and I think it is quite normal to sometimes to feel a bit removed from it all, it is your mind's way of protecting you and allowing you to function. It is a horrible experience to go through and I hope you feel more settled soon.

[Kirsty8333]

Hi, I had a miscarriage 5 weeks ago with no 3 at 7 weeks. I'm so desperate to get pregnant again but am also terrified that it will happen again. We are going to start ttc again as soon as I am in my fertile window

[24carrot]

Kirsty8333 sorry you're in the same situation. How old are your first two? Mine are 5 and 2.5, still pretty physically demanding and with the pregnancy/MC I'm even more tired which I think is making me think again about ttc no.3.

Propermardy you poor thing, I hope you too are feeling more settled soon emotionally. Is your OH keen to continue ttc?

[Kirsty8333]

My two are the same age 5 and 2.5 24carrot. I conceived my first two pregnancies without even trying so finding it harder this time after having a miscarriage. It can be hard at times but I didn't want to have too big an age gap between them so don't want to wait any longer.

[mumsiedarlingrevolta]

Sending love to all of you who have suffered -I also miscarried number 3 in first trimester. I still look at a child whose Mum was pregnant with me (albeit briefly) and think what if.....

I do understand the apprehension from the outside when you get to DC number 3 as they outnumber you

But of course you can manage-not nearly as scary as having PFB-

I did go on to have my third- most beloved DD and it has been so nice to have a family of 3 DC-not without it's moment but the family dynamic lovely.

Good luck

[Dmybelle]

I know this is an older thread, but I would love to hear from some of the original posters in 2008 as I feel the same way. Did you ever try for your third again? Either way, any regrets or advice for us in the same situation?

[Dmybelle]

@barlow @slightlycrumpled @rubles

[wynsim]

Hi there, I've just stumbled across this post after frantically googling trying to find the answers! I'm in a similar situation -

After a lot of playing on my mind, we decided to go for a third child (which wasn't an easy decision in the first place). I got pregnant straight away, which was a shock as other two taken a while. Then miscarried at 8-9 weeks.

How did your stories develop??