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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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9 replies

LittleMissFrazzled · 24/09/2008 21:21

I had a miscariage a few months ago (I was 12 weeks pg). I think they called it a missed miscarriage - I had a scan and there was no heartbeat but I didn't miscarry the baby - had to go in for an ERCP.
I have one gorgeous 5 year old and some people have said to me that I have no right to be sad about the miscarriage because i already have a child....... The thing is he was really sad about it too so I think it is ok to feel sad and talk about it. We had told him I was pregnant just a few weeks before we lost the baby because I was so sick and he was gettin worried about it. He had started writing little notes to the baby, saying how he was looking forward to being its big brother and what he was going to do for it. So sweet.
Anyway, I was wondering if anyone knew if it is normal for my cycle to be all over the place since the miscarriage? I am normally regular as clockwork but it has been all over the place since.I have an appointment with the practice nurse next week and I was wondering if I should mention it to her.
Also, if you guys don't mind me venting on here, I really want to have another baby but I am terrified of having another miscarriage and I am finding that I am getting really stressed about it. I know there is no magic answer but has anyone found a way with coping with similar feelings?
Thank you.

OP posts:
gigglewitch · 24/09/2008 21:38

Didn't want your post to go unanswered. That is so sweet about your 5yo, and hope he will get to get a big brother. My cycles went relatively regular after a couple of months past m/c, but i can't imagine that is a common thing to go back to being clockwork, there are lots of tales around here like you where people haven't got anything they can make head or tale of. certainly worth mentioning to the nurse/gp.

As far as getting through another pg, no two ways about it, it's very very difficult. I counted every day. and only past 14-15 wks [my latest mc] could i even start to believe myself to be pg with the possibility of having a baby at the end, and made it to 5 months with dc2, 6 months with dc3, before telling anyone i was pg - fortunately there was nothing to see til then with me.
Having setbacks early on with all of the pgs I never knew which way it would go, so got the 'ostrich' mentality and tried to ignore being pg. Which i do not recommend, by the way, cos it has just hit me much harder later. I have fantastic support around me but the thing is i found it virtually impossible to tell anyone what was going on. If you have people you can talk to - or here at the least, then talk talk talk if you need to. (or type, type, type )

You have every right to grieve for your child, and do whatever you need to. Grr at anyone saying otherwise, just because you have a son. Some people just have no idea.

poppy34 · 24/09/2008 21:41

so sorry for you and your ds.. It is qutie normal for cycle to be all over place (had 2)... it did settle down after a few months.

Re the feelings in future pregnancy - I think you find a way to cope day by day...I had loads of scan and went for counselling (had 2 m/c and lost a baby at 21 weeks) - the counselling is a bit much but the thread on here is very helpful. you do find that its not hte same but you do get through it and at some point alogn way manage to worry a little less (usually when you've got passed teh danger zone).

poppy34 · 24/09/2008 21:42

and agree -confiding in someone (although keeping it as quiet as you can..I did same as gigglewitch with dd).

lisa34 · 24/09/2008 21:44

I had a missed miscarriage 9 years ago - went for 14 week scan to find that baby had died at 8 weeks - had a D&C only to have to go back in 2 days later for another D&C following very heavy bleeding cos they had left pregnancy matter behind. I think my periods took a few months to get back to normal. I was also very scared about getting pregnant again but i did and I now have 2 beautiful boys. Sending you lots of love

aylesbury3 · 24/09/2008 21:44

hi, I had my last mc 2 yrs ago, am going to start trying again this month. It took me about four month for my cycle to sort its self out. i have kids from a previous marriage, fortunately i didnt tell them. Kids are alot more hardy than we think tho. I too am terified of another miscarriage. i just keep thinking eventually we will have a our baby and every one we lose in a step closer, its is very upsetting tho... keep your chin up

LittleMissFrazzled · 24/09/2008 21:51

Thank you all of you. You are really kind people.

OP posts:
poppy34 · 24/09/2008 21:55

and at idiots who said that no right to be sad... always thought it was differnet type of grief for m/c - I grieved for what I might never have, you grieve for what you know it can be and also you can't get away from baby type stuff (I know that your dc is lovely but I actively avoided all baby/pregnant stuff when I was receovering so my heart goes out to you).

It does get better in time .. you don't forget but you do heal a little

aylesbury3 · 24/09/2008 22:01

why is it after you have mc everyone you know gets pregnant ?? so unfair

mm1509 · 24/09/2008 22:14

Hi littlemiss sorry for what has happened to you but you have to grieve for what you have lost and don't listen to anyone who says other wise. There are no right and wrong answers and do what helps/ feels right for you and your family. My dd (4 year old) knew about my last pregnancy and it ended with a mmc, she was so sad but also watching for our reaction. We spoke about it to her and she still talks about her baby and when her baby comes, in a way it's kind of nice that we still talk about it. As for handling the feelings the best answer I have found is do what you are doing now, post on mumsnet. You will find a whole load of support to get you thru these times. If you like join us on the emmsys angel thread, I have found it so supportive and invaluable so feel free to join us if you feel up to it.

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