Miscarrying at 6 weeks, feel so lost

[peacelily]

positive test 2 weeks ago, now miscarrying or ectopic heavy bleeding lots of pain.

find out tomorrow for sure, have the most amazing dd (2) ever who's an angel just feel such a sense of loss. Have just seen pictures of friends newborn dd on facebook and dissolved into tears again .

have never felt never felt this empty and lonely but was only 6 weeks! Am I being stupid? Feel ridiculous but had an image of the baby in my head and everything!

me and dh feel like the house is empty, so strange hope it gets better soon.

[peacelily]

anyone?

[llareggub]

No, you're not stupid at all.

I've had two early miscarriages this year and I can recommend lots of rest and TLC. Don't underestimate the emotional space needed to recover. Take some time off work if you can.

It does get better, trust me. After two miscarriages I'm now pregnant again. I would add that with my DS I had lots of heavy, clotted red blood so thought the worst, and was amazed to see him appear on the scan. So don't give up just yet.

[Aitch]

i always think that the minute you get that positive test there's a lifetime of memories waiting to happen, so when you are robbed of those by miscarriage or ep, well, you have to grieve don't you? because everything could have been so different...

i'm sorry to hear about your loss, peacelily, it sucks. how much pain are you in? careful, if it might be an ectopic you will need to go to A&E if it's bad, you can't risk bleeding out.

[kingfix]

oh it is a dreadful thing to go through, I feel for you. I found the Miscarriage association wonderful 01924 200799 9am to 4pm www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/ma2006/index.htm
of course you are not being stupid, the baby still feels like a baby from the moment you know you are pregnant and of course you are grieving. I have started looking at the miscarriage threads on MN and there are lots of people with sympathy and advice.

[peacelily]

Went to A+E yesterday being monitored daily, senior sister in gynae assessment unit thinks it's prob mc but checking for ep with blood tests.

Now paranoid about effect on fertility just confused when do we try again? So confused, thanks for messages

[kingfix]

MW told me we could try again as soon as we wanted and that 1 mc didn't affect future chances. Good luck tomorrow.

[ClairePO]

I'm very sorry peacelily, I think you do start to bond straight away like aitch and kingfix said and it isn't stupid at all to feel grief, so please don't think of yourself that way. You need to get scanned, I would bypass the doctor if the pain is severe. Go to casualty as early as you can tomorrow because sometimes they only scan in the morning with gynae support etc. Take care.

[ClairePO]

sorry x-posted re casualty

[giraffescantdancethetango]

really sorry to hear of your loss x

[MrsBick]

thinking of you peacelily.
big hugs. xx

[Jackstini]

So sorry Peacelily, I had 2 mc last year and it is devastating, even at 6 weeks (which one of mine was)
Give yourself lots of time and rest to get over it, everyone reacts differently.
Re fertility, I am currently 27 wks pg now (caught 4 cycles after last mc) and it is highly likely you will get pg again after mc. Docs may tell you to leave a cycle before you start trying again so they can date you easier but also some people feel like trying sooner, some feel they need to wait.
Will be thinking of you

[peacelily]

Have just been to look at my dd sleeping and feel so joyous and sad at the same time, I'm so lucky to have such a fabulous little girl.

Will never moan about fractious 2 year old behaviour again! Such a shame she's not going to be a big sis just get but hopefully not too long.

supportive messages v much appreciated

[peacelily]

best of luck llareggub and Jackstini with your futue dcs! Hope everything works out for you!

[peacelily]

have just looked at your profile jackstini your dd is fabulous! She looks like such a little character like my dd, lovely wedding photos too!

[Jackstini]

Ahh, Thanks Peacelily. It's wierd, one thing that came out of my mc was a sense of reconfirming just how much we love dd and what it means to have her.
Your Maia is so cute! they are a real comfort to you at times like these, am sure she will be a big sister soon.
How are you feeling today?

[peacelily]

Hi feeling quite calm today but just want to be quiet and on my own, don't want to leave the house or talk really. V unusual for me to stay in all day even when ill.

Worried about dh, he's been an absolute star but he's very tired and won't eat anything which is completely unheard of, he's usually a bit of a human dustbin

Dd a happy little thing tho, we've had a lovely day with her. We have a babysitter tomorrow pm so we will go out for a nice meal and try to get back to normal.

[sarah76]

Hi Peacelily, we were briefly on one of the antenatal clubs together. . . glad you have a little one already. My mum lost a baby at 4.5 months when I was about 2 years old, and she said it was a real comfort to have me.

This was my first pregnancy and miscarried at 7 weeks. My DP has taken up smoking again (nerves about the pregnancy, now upset about the miscarriage). He seems quite tired and without appetite as well.

I think we all go through this differently. I didn't want to talk much about it really, but I didn't want to stay at home all day because I would just end up thinking about it. So went to see the solicitor about buying our house, then went to the Trafford Centre in Manchester where there was apparently some kind of yummy mummy convention---like a million mums with very young babies all clumped together in the various restaurants. I thought it might upset me at first, but I just reconfirmed which pram I'd like to buy when the time comes and admired the very cute babies I saw.

I even saw a giant Minnie Mouse tshirt and considered getting it for my Disney obsessed future sister in law who is 21, 7 months pregnant, and the most proudly ignorant, racist and workshy person I've ever met. I think if I don't try to be gracious, I will hate her and be very bitter. Even when told she is high risk and on the edge of gestational diabetes, she is never without a bag of sweets / McDonalds / lard / chocolate / more lard / more McDonalds. At least she doesn't drink or smoke--I think I'd throttle her. The worst is imagining her feeling sorry for ME. I think I can take anything but that.

[peacelily]

Hi Sarah, thanks for your message and so sorry for your loss, I'm v lucky to have my little girl she is such a comfort to me, she's just been standing next to me saying Mummy Toast eat it, and passing me crumpets. I think she can tell I'm a bit upset!

I know what you mean about the Trafford centre, on Tuesdays they have newbies at the cinemas where you can take your babies, there's always lots of littlies about! The other one is John Lewis in Cheadle, lots of cheshire yummy mummies with their immaculately dressed babies swanning about!

your sil sounds a nightmare! i admire your graciousness, my MiL is obssessed with Disney unfortunately she doesn't seem to realise I'm not!

[sarah76]

Don't admire my graciousness too much, I didn't buy the shirt for her in the end! DP wouldn't hear of it, he can't stand the fact that his brother's life is being dragged down into the toilet by this girl.

Today I went to the Birchwood Centre instead and was confronted by a whole other class of mummies. . . .pregnant and letting bellies hang out in all kinds of stretch-marked glory, still wearing their velour tracksuits with 'juicy' written on the arse. . .gahhh......

I'd like to think I will be somewhere in between the yummies/immaculately dressed/scrawny ones and the teenage/old and defeated by life/on the dole types. I'm such a snob.

[peacelily]

My dh works near the Bircgwood Centre and we've been there for lunch a couple of times, I know exactly what you mean!