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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

so sad

18 replies

MummyMacca · 11/08/2008 20:23

I have just miscarried at 10 weeks. I feel like my heart is going to break. Whilst miscarrying, I had to register at reception of casualty, with fluid running down my leg. Whilst in the public toilets of A&E, I caught the baby in a little pot and had to walk past a queue of people back to reception screaming and carrying it. I am still reeling with shock 24 hours later.

I have no idea how I'm going to deal with this. I saw my baby-arms, hands, fingers, feet, eyes. I can't believe this isn't a bad dream that I won't wake up from. How will it ever get better? Feel so, so sad .

OP posts:

LackaDAISYcal · 11/08/2008 20:26

oh, you poor poor love

It won't seem like it now, but it does get better. It never leaves you, but it will get easier to cope with and you will be able to move on.

Make sure you take time to grieve, and take things easy while you do {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

You had a horrific experience though, and I hope the hospital treated you with courtesy and respect for what you went through.

vonsudenfed · 11/08/2008 20:37

Oh you poor, poor thing.

It is miserable, it is a kind of mourning - not just for your baby but for all your hopes and plans. And it is a very hard thing to go through physically too.

But like daisy said, it will get better,slowly, but it will.

You may, in a bit, want to talk to someone about it too. My hospital had a specialist nurse who could talk to me about what happened, but if not, the Miscarriage Association are very good too.

goingfor3 · 11/08/2008 20:40

MummyMacca I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby.

It does feel like things will never get better but they really do.

Ledodgy · 11/08/2008 20:43

Oh I'm so very sorry you're going through this. The same thing happened to me at nearly 9 weeks pregnant with my second pregnancy. I was in the waiting room waiting to have a folllow up scan after them not finding a hb at 7 weeks. You will grieve for this baby like you would any other death but you will often find some people not realising that it is like any other death iyswim.
You will find invaluable support on here and although you will never forget, time does ease the pain somewhat.You will no doubt go on to have other children but these will not and cannot replace the baby you have just lost. Give yourself time to grieve, maybe when it feels right you and your husband can have a little ceremony for the baby and maybe plant a flower or sucklike as a memorial. I know it feels like you will never come past this right now especially after seeing what you saw, I can still remember it vividly but am able to think about my baby with fondness rather than sadness and you to will reach that point but it will take time.

Ledodgy · 11/08/2008 20:43

*suchlike

cocolepew · 11/08/2008 20:47

I'm so sorry. I had to pick my baby out of the toilet. I seriously thought I was going mad with grief. The hormones don't help. Take time to rest and cry. You will be able to move on, but it will be a your pace.
x

LackaDAISYcal · 11/08/2008 20:47

The Miscarriage Association have a very good helpline as well as some leaflets that you can download covering various issues.

I spoke to them after losing a baby at 11 weeks and the lady I spoke to was fantastic.

We have also planted some passionflowers in the garden and it is very comforting to me to watch them bloom and grow.

Original poster

MummyMacca · 11/08/2008 20:49

thank you for your kind words. it's strange feeling so alone, when so many people have experienced something similar.

OP posts:

LackaDAISYcal · 11/08/2008 20:52

Is there anyone with you Maccamummy? Your DH/DP?

Ledodgy · 11/08/2008 20:53

Grief is very lonely. You walk about and can't believe the world is still carrying on when you've experienced such a trauma in your life. You want to stand and shout 'Don't you know what has happened?'. It gets easier with time believe that and go through any emotions you need to to get there. Just remember however you are feeling is normal.

Katsh · 11/08/2008 21:14

So, so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks two years ago. It was devestating and heartbreaking. The pain will become less, but it may take a long time to feel like it's healing. Take great care of yourself, physically and emotionally, and don't feel that you have to be strong or stoic. It's ok to just be very sad.

Lio · 11/08/2008 21:18

So very sorry for you, it is a horrible grief and lonely too.

As others have said, it will get better over (a long) time, but right now the pain will be intense

Original poster

MummyMacca · 12/08/2008 10:51

have a fabulous DH, who is tremendously supportive, but has never been one for crying, shedding a tear or showing emotion (as of many men). Sometimes I think it wouldn't be a bad thing if he did let it go, but we each have our own way. I've cried enough for both of us, that's for sure...

Why do men feel they have to be so...mannish...

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SuziBhoy · 12/08/2008 13:04

mummy macca

So sorry for your loss

what you went through is awful, and the emotions you go through after are awful too. Its good you have someone to grieve with you aswell. Men are funny with these things. I know my dp was very worried about my health afterwards, so never really gave himself time to grieve. But eventually he opened up, which made the world of difference.

I hope things get better

sue10 · 12/08/2008 17:23

So sorry for your loss mummymacca, my husband was the same, it's weird because some men are so in-tuned with their emotions as where others just dont seem to beable to show them! Perhaps it has something to do with their up bringing (stiff upper lip and all that jazz!!!!!!!) I can remember that after a mmc (few weeks later)my husband came home from work to find me in a heap on the floor crying as i was cuddling empty baby suit, to which he snapped at me "i thought you'd be over this by now, i just can't cope with all this crying" he was soooo sorry afterwards for saying such a thing but i guess that hurt more than he will ever realise! Because we have had so many mc's i think he thought i'd be over it sooner as use to it by now!!! Hayho such is life. Takecare and sorry if ive been rumbling on!!!
XXX.

Hope4Future · 12/08/2008 20:46

Mummy Macca

So sorry for your loss. I can say that my husband has always seemed so strong since my mc nearly 3 weeks ago. I wondered why he wasn't crying, but then I walked out the room I was in to go to the loo, and I saw him in floods of tears, red eyes and everything. He was so upset, and it was then I realised he was staying strong for me. Sometimes it is hard on men as they feel like they have to be the stronger sex, but I think they will be hurting but just not show it to help us get through it.

Original poster

MummyMacca · 13/08/2008 09:56

I agree Hope4Future. I don't know why, it must be something inside them genetically from the old days. In some ways, it makes me feel more like a gibbering wreck because I'm crying so much and he's not.

I'm starting to wonder whether it's a good idea to speak to someone not emotionally involved with the whole ordeal. Has anyone had good experiences with counselling? I've been offered it through the hospital and am not sure whether to do it or not.

OP posts:

SuziBhoy · 13/08/2008 12:06

well it just depends on the person really. Counselling can be for some people and not for others, but it wont do you any harm to give it a shot. It could make the world of difference to you and it might not but at least you gave it a shot and talked about it a bit more.

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