Someone who knows what it's like

[Maysiebelle]

Hi. Have just joined mumsnet to help find people who know what I'm going through. I found out I was pregnant in July and hubby & I were really happy. But 2 weeks ago I had a small amount of bleeding. My doctor booked me for a scan for last friday (6.5 wks) but the scan didn't show much (signs of pregnancy but no heartbeat) and they told me either my dates were wrong or I may have had a missed miscarriage. They booked me another scan for this friday, but then on saturday I started bleeding again. called the hospital, and they said that it was still to early to see anything even if I came in and that I would be better off waiting for the appointment on friday.
So here I am, still not knowing what has happened & just getting more & more unhappy every time I go to the bathroom (as I am still bleeding). I don't know if I am dreading the scan on Friday (as I'm pretty sure i know what the result will be) or looking forward to it so I know I can just get a real answer and deal with it.
Hubby is being really supportive, but I don't think he can really understand what it feels like to be so uncertain of what is happening inside my body.
Just feel like crying when I talk about it.
Sorry for the long post - but I needed to get it of my chest.

Hi Maysiebelle, welcome to Mumsnet - sorry it's under such sad circumstances.

I know exactly what you mean about being so uncertain about what is happening inside your body - it's a horrible feeling. I started bleeding with my second pregnancy, went for a scan, which - like yours - was inconclusive. I continued to bleed heavily and, tbh, I knew the pregnancy was over but I still felt 'in limbo' until I had another scan to confirm I had miscarried. I remember my Dad took me out for a pub lunch in the intervening few days and I had half a cider then felt guilty and that I shouldn't be drinking - even though, deep down, I knew the pregnancy was over.

It's so hard - you need to grieve, but there is still a glimmer of hope so you don't really know where you are Is this your first pregnancy or do you have children already?

There's nothing anyone can really say to make you feel better, but keep posting if it helps. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

This was my first.

Its so good to hear from someone who knows exactly what I mean. You're right about the "limbo". It feels like I just need someone to say "you're right - it is a miscarriage" before I can carry on. I'm still not having any alcohol, but I keep trying to push away those "glimmers" as I know I'll only feel worse when it gets to the scan.

It makes it so much harder that there seems to be babies all around me at the moment. My brother just had his first in July. my friend/neighbour is due in November. My colleague is on maternity leave and my cousins wife is pregnant with their second - they found out they were pregnant one month before we did.

I wanted this so badly and am devestated.

Thankyou so much for your kind words.

Sorry - had to go and make lunch. I think it's particularly hard when it's your first - I already had ds1 and for me that made it easier.

The world is full of pregnant women when you have a miscarriage - I remember going into Monsoon after mine (retail therapy) and the girl in there was patting her (non-existent) tummy and talking about names. I had to leave the shop as I started crying. And every TV newsreader (I swear, even some of the men) seemed to be pregnant.

People will say to you "there will be another one..." but I won't say that to you because I know that's no consolation at all. You wanted this one. I think once you have your scan on Friday and know where you're at you can start to grieve and 'move on' (horrible phrase) a little. But it takes time, and there will be lots of bad days - don't rush it and be kind to yourself. You will never forget this much wanted baby - but it does get easier, I promise. Take care x

Hi Maysiebelle, I had a missed miscarriage 3 weeks ago but unlike you i had no bleeding. I just went for a routine scan at 8 weeks to find nothing there apart from a empty sac.
I know exactly how you feel about wanting this baby so much, although i have beautiful son i still long for the one i have just lost. Howver i am a positive person and i know that my turn will come again soon.

I really hope that you get the answers you want on Friday, please keep us posted.
Chin up and remember MN is here for you x

Maysiebelle, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through.

I had a miscarriage at 4-6 weeks , we can't be sure of the dates(I didn't know I was pregnant as I'd come off the pill and hadn't had a normal cycle- but was hoping and trying to be). This finished about 2 weeks ago now.

I was exactly where you are three weeks ago- I even posted a very similar message. I didn't realise there was so much uncertainty involved. One day my GP was talking in solemn, certain tones about "the miscarriage", then at the hospital they'd bang on merrily about "the pregnancy" and talk about doing scans to see how it's progressing. In my heart I knew it wasn't progressing at all, but you cling onto any shred of hope, don't you? I think you're right to trust your instincts on this.

Meanwhile the physical trauma is really tough, as you know. I hated hated hated not knowing what I was going to find when I went to the loo, and how immobile I felt thanks to the heavy bleeding.

I'm not saying all this to make you feel worse btw! I'm getting to the point... which is that now, a few weeks later, I have truly put the confusion behind me. I felt strangely relieved when finally, FINALLY, a doctor said to me "no you're not pregnant any more, yes you're having a miscarriage". Then today I had my final blood test which showed that my hormone levels have dropped to zero. Physically I'm nowhere near as tired, and there's no bleeding at all.

Like all things, this too shall pass.
Of course you'll have the aftermath to deal with- personally I feel quite pragmatic about things but I know that some women really mourn, which is of course fine (all reactions are fine). But just know that this immediate frightening confusion and darkness will pass and one day soon you'll know what's going on with your body.

Take care in the mean time
xx

ps My partner didn't understand at first but found that it hit him more as the weeks went on. My advice would be not to have expectations of him (other than to look after you) and he'll get through it in his own time.