One and done but not my choice

[Saintsgirl7]

I'm not sure if this thread is the right place to post.
I've had 4 pregnancies, 3 missed miscarriages.
I'd love to try again but due to various factors - age, abnormal smears & being a good candidate for a hysterectomy, and the mental trauma of miscarriages, DH absolutely does not want to try again.
Has anyone been in the same situation?
How do you make peace with this?!

Could you honestly put yourself through that again? When you have a healthy and happy child that you need to be well for? Well. Not constantly in hospital, heartbroken when another pregnancy doesn’t work out, mentally exhausted and unstable?
That doesn’t set you up to enjoy parenthood much. Just for the sake of a sibling.
Prioritise your child. Enjoy his/her childhood: Not fantasy extra children that may never get here.

I haven't been constantly in hospital, only once, and he was more than happy with his dad. I'm well, my next smear isn't until 2028 so the NHS are clearly not too concerned.
I'm definitely not unstable! If I was I wouldn't even consider another child.
Our son is our absolute priority, we would just both love another, despite DH having made peace with it.

I've been exactly where you are, I'm so sorry - it's very very hard.

DH was broken seeing me going through the miscarriages, and he was mourning while trying to be supportive too. And each time he was more and more reluctant to try again... to the point of avoiding intimacy in case I got pregnant again. We both had this awful gaping baby-shaped chasm that we couldn't fill, it was a dreadful few years.

But time really helped, and very very gradually I started to make peace with it. I took a long while before I stopped wanting to be pregnant, and in all honesty we've had a lovely time raising just the one child - so many more opportunities (lots of travel etc) than we'd have had if we had other children.

It's a hard journey, I wish you all the very best with making peace with it.

@Rozendantz thank you, that's really helpful to read.
The thing is, in my head all of this and DHs reasoning make perfect sense to me, but every time I hear another pregnancy announcement etc I'm right back to wishing just one more try!
We have been talking about the things we can do if we only have one, and you're right it makes such a difference financially too.
Plus my last MC was only April so it's all relatively fresh.

Time is the only thing that helped me.

There's nothing wrong with just having one child, it's when the choice of more is taken away that it's so hard.. .

I'm 'an only' and had a perfectly happy childhood.
Like you say, I think it's the being decided for you bit.
I'm sorry you've experienced it too.

My husband didn’t want anymore so I totally understand this place to be. I think it is more common than most let on xx

I'm one of 5. Always assumed when I was ready I'd have a house full of kids. First trimester mmc. Stillbirth. Second trimester mmc. Absolutely horrendous pregnancy and birth due to placenta preavia with my one baby who made it. Advised afterwards another pregnancy would be too risky and it could be as bad if not worse than the last pregnancy.

Over time ive accepted that although it might be nice for dd to have a sibling it wouldnt be worth the risk to my health. Also I love giving dd everything we can. She is extra special to us after everything we went through. Money would be tight with two or more. Dd doesnt seem to mind. It is hard when its not your choice but I find looking at the positives helps.