Missed Miscarriage - What to do Now?

[Rowlie]

found out yesterday via a private scan that the baby no longer had a heartbeat and was only measuring 7 weeks when I should have been 9 weeks. I had a feeling something wasn't right as I started with brown spotting a couple of days ago.
My preference will be surgical management as I don't think I can cope with the prospect of this dragging on for weeks. I also have a four-year-old to think about and I work full time.
The bleeding has gradually increased, but I still don't have any pain, apart from headaches, which I'm assuming are due to the hormone changes. The bleeding is still very light and I'm only using one pad a day.
I'm booked into my NHS Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit on Tuesday for another scan. I'm fortunate to have private health insurance through work, so if I do need surgical management I'll probably choose to have it done privately, especially if there's a long wait on the NHS.
My biggest concern at the moment is that we're running out of time. My current DS will be five in September and I really didn't want more than a six-year age gap. We already feel like we left it quite late, and now I'm worried this could happen again, especially as I'm 35. I know I'm very lucky in many ways because I have a healthy DS and this is my first experience of pregnancy loss.
For those who have been through this, do I just carry on with daily life as normal until my appointment unless the bleeding or pain increases? It feels so strange to just continue as if everything is normal, but physically I feel fine at the moment, and I can't put life on hold with a four-year-old to look after.

I’m so sorry for your loss 🤍

I had surgical management for a missed miscarriage on Tuesday, I’d had bleeding but also had a haematoma so not sure how much was miscarriage related.

Don’t get me wrong, it was a horrible experience, but if I had to go through it again I’d pick surgery. My EPAU were great. I was booked in the next day and discharged home by 2pm. My bleeding stopped the same day and I’m 4 days on and my symptoms have mostly gone - I think because everything is removed at once it kickstarts the physical recovery. The mental aspect will be ongoing for a long time, our baby was my first pregnancy and so wanted, but I felt able to draw a line physically and that helped a lot. Also, the symptoms after helped me process and I didn’t have to deal with more bleeding.

Whatever you choose needs to be right for you, I knew I wouldn’t be able to cope mentally with ‘natural’ or medically managed.

For the day to day, life carried on as usual. I still had to function so I did, and I picked my stepson up from school on the way home from hospital discharge. Life can be cruel but it needs to continue too. I found keeping to my routine kept me going too, even though it was hard.

Hi OP I’m so sorry to hear. I have had three MMC and they differ a little in experience. MMC1 I had to wait a week for EPU as it got diagnosed in a private scan and I started bleeding on the Friday, it already progressed to a full miscarriage on Sunday evening. My preference would have been surgery but I didn’t last that long.

MMC2 I had no signs of bleeding by the date of my surgery so it was straightforward - I had told EPU from the get go that the first experience was so traumatic (bleeding requiring admittance to hospital) that surgery if possible was my only way going forward.

MMC3 I had started bleeding days before surgery date but thankfully it didn’t progress in a big way before my surgery date.

Bless you, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve had surgical, medicinal and conservative management miscarriages. I think I’d be opting for the tablets again personally as I found the surgery, albeit I was having a large cyst removed at the time, a bit worrying in case the uterine wall was compromised by the procedure. I was probably over thinking it, but do a bit of research.
as you’re bleeding already you may find the embryo passes. It does feel pretty crampy when it happens but it’s manageable.
i was told by my obstetric consultant not to worry about 3 periods before TTC again. She also told me the body is primed for pregnancy after a loss and you can often fall pregnant again quickly … I found this to be very true as both my children were post miscarriages.
good luck 🍀

So sorry for your loss - I always did my losses at home - bar the 2 ruptured ectopics I had - including one at 12 weeks. The worst bit was the waiting and not knowing when it would start. The 12 week loss was obviously by far and away the worst one to do at home - I’d guess it was 12 hours start to finish to pass the sac and the pain was awful. Others i had at 6-9 weeks were much easier. Lots and lots of hot baths to try and relax the muscles and bring the process on.
the main reason I didn’t want surgical is that my first child was a c section delivery and I knew I had a lot of scar tissue resulting from that and I was worried in case I had a tendency to scar rather than heal which would’ve caused long term repercussions for TTC again. Also I knew I could try again quicker with a natural miscarriage rather than surgical. But there really is no right answer or wrong answer.

I had surgery for MMC and I am very glad I did. I found having it more of a medical procedure much easier to manage emotionally than I would have done being at home and having to manage it. I personally tried to continue with life / work whilst I waited as, for me, sitting at home thinking about it would have been unhelpful.

I am so sorry you're going through this.