How to navigate a friend avoiding meeting my baby after loss

[PeanutTomo13]

For context, I welcomed my rainbow baby in April after 3 pregnancy loses back to back (2 miscarriages and 1 ectopic pregnancy). My friend, who I thought I was very close with still hasn’t met my son. I finally gathered up the courage to ask her why she was avoiding me and she disclosed to me she had a miscarriage 5/6 years ago, she wants a baby and is struggling with it, hence why she hasn’t met my son yet, he’s 7 weeks old. It doesn’t look like she will be anytime soon.

How do I navigate this? I have been in her very shoes multiple times and I was always able to separate my own sadness and my happiness for others, in my head those two feelings can coexist together, despite sometimes it can be hard.

Any advice welcome

Congratulations on your baby!

She's obviously dealing with the fact she potentially won't have children. It's unclear if she has been trying for 5 years or it's her circumstances but it must be very hard for her. I'd let it go and let her work on her own timeline to see your baby.

As you’ve been in her shoes I’d accept that she’s been very honest and open with you when specifically asked, and she’s not volunteered the information of her own choice.

Give her space, keep in touch, she may find it easier in time.

This is for her to navigate in the way she chooses. Respect her choices and give her space. I appreciate that might not be easy. But that’s what you should do.

You don't 'navigate' it, you accept it.

You're two different women who handle feelings and emotions differently.

She'll meet your baby in her own time.

Huge congratulations! ❤️

I’ve had two miscarriages in the past 18 months of trying to conceive (no children) and, like you, I’ve always gone to see friends’ and colleagues’ babies - including barely a week after miscarrying. But we’re all different, and to be honest I sometimes think it would be healthier for me to get a better balance between celebrating with and supporting friends, and looking after myself too.

In your position I think I’d keep the lines of communication open and see what happens. Hopefully she’ll be able to meet your little one, in time - and maybe (with your experience) you could be a support for her too, if she did want to open up more about what’s been happening for her. And I hope in the meantime you’ve got other friends and family around you who are in a position to support you, too!

But she hasn’t just had one miscarriage, by the sound of it she hasn’t fallen pregnant again? So she’s dealing with infertility and potentially never having her own kids? That’s massive - I dealt with that for years and small babies broke me in pieces. Give her time - when he’s a bit older she might feel a little stronger ❤️‍🩹

I am so sorry for all of your losses, but you haven't been in her position - you have been able to get pregnant more than once, whereas 5 years with only one unsuccessful pregnancy is very, very much in 'it may never happen territory'. You don't have to do anything except decide if you want to continue the friendship outside of your son.