Hi mums,
I have had an awful miscarriage and need advice on how to cope and process what has happened to me please. Warning this post contains distressing and graphic events so please don't read further if this would be triggering for you
I was 12 weeks with our 3rd baby and went for our dating scan last week only to be told baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks, which was devastating. As my body hadn't stated the miscarriage process we were advised to have medical management in the form of tablets, I opted to try at home as it was my daughters (and mine) birthday and I didn't want to be apart from her. Quickly after taking the tablets i experienced excrutiating contraction pains which were constant rather than in waves, not managed by codeine and was advised by EPU to attend a&e, who advised me they were unsure what i wanted them to do as 'this is Labour'. They put me in a bay and gave me oromorph and gas and air - i passed what i thought was baby and we went home, bleeding settled. 2 days later I had the same excrutiating pain and heavy bleeding - we were again advised by EPU to attend A&E, following which we were sent to EPU and scanned where it was found i hadn't passed baby. We were then admitted for further management and had another round of Miso in the evening, what followed was 9 hours of agony and incredibly heavy bleeding with huge clots, filling a bed pan every 15 minutes and feeling faint however no baby passed. They estimated 500mls blood loss. The following day, consultant reviewed and prescribed yet more Miso, following which i had indescribable agony, screaming in bed bleeding heavily and uncontrollably- consultant attended and said I needed a speculum as it was likely there was something blocking my cervix and causing constant contractions and heavy bleeding. She then removed baby with forceps and I splattered blood all over the doctors and was lying in a completely blood stained bed with blood all over me and continued to bleed profusely. They kept us in for observation overnight due to blood loss and the next morning I felt very faint and weak - I went to the loo and suddenly felt an urge to push and began to heavily bleed again uncontrollably with huge clots falling into the loo, i lost consciousness and came too on the floor surrounded by doctors with oxygen on and attached to a drip, I can recall someone saying 'potential cardiac arrest' and a crash team coming which haunts me. I was scared at points that I might die and told my partner he needed to look after the children. They estimated i lost over 1.5 ltrs of blood since the admission and thats not counting the blood lost before I was admitted. My hg amd iron were on the floor and I had to have a transfusion. It was honestly the most traumatic experience of my life, I cant sleep i am just having constant flashbacks and feel completely numb, I am staring into space all the time and feel in a state of total shock. I had no idea miscarriage could be like this. The only saving grace is baby was delivered without being damaged by the forceps and we were supported by the bereavement team to arrange a private cremation which was important to me.
How can I possibly process this? When will I feel normal again and how can I go on functioning for my other children? I feel completely devastated