Miscarriage after first pregnancy and scared to try again due to potential issues

[rubeeroo]

I recently miscarried my first pregnancy at 7w4d. People keep telling me it wasn’t my fault but deep down I know it was. My partner is keen to try again asap and as much as I want a family so badly and I’m not getting any younger (36), I’m pretty traumatised after this miscarriage which resulted in a hospital stay and a blood transfusion due to blood loss and apparently until I have 2 more miscarriages the NHS won’t help at all and I honestly don’t think I can go through this again. I’m absolutely heartbroken.

The main reasons I think it’s due to me is firstly because I have PCOS and a known history of low progesterone confirmed by blood tests. Secondly my mum has APS, she had 18 miscarriages and in the end was given progesterone, aspirin and blood thinners which was the only way she could have me and I’ve since read there can be a family link to this. The Nurse at the hospital kept telling me the miscarriage was due to chromosomal abnormalities most likely but I just don’t get it because I had a scan at 5w which showed a gestational sac and yolk sac, a scan at 6w1d which showed baby measuring perfectly with a heartbeat then a private scan at 7w3d which I paid for myself due to starting spotting 2 days before (this initially made me think low progesterone!) which again showed baby measuring perfectly with a heartbeat- I then miscarried 12 hours later. Everything just seemed to be progressing normally as it should which makes me think it’s got to be my fault but I don’t know what to do if I can’t get any help about my potential issues and if one more person tells me it was “just bad luck” or “not meant to be” I may scream!

It’s very very common to miscarry first pregnancies and to miscarry before 12 weeks. I had lots of early miscarriages before dd1 and another before dd2. There may be an underlying issue but unless you want to pay privately for tests you will just have to try again and get any further ones documented.wouldn’t hurt to take some low dose aspirin though

Firstly @rubeeroo a miscarriage is never the woman's fault (unless she engages in very risky behaviour, probably drug/alcohol related and way off the scale from two a couple of glasses of wine).

Secondly, scans can look healthy and fine; our 12 week scan with DS2 was fine. The 20 week scan was not.

Thirdly, I completely understand your fears and concerns. I had two m/c prior to DS1: 17 and 7 weeks; one prior to DS2 at 12 weeks (MMC); and one shortly after DS2 and prior to DD. Those fears are what prevented me from having a third child and I have always regretted it. The DC are now 31 and 27 and DD was born 51 weeks after DS2 was born and sadly died.

As having babies is expensive, whilst the NHS will not carry out any tests or interventions, could you see an obs/gynae consultant privately to identify potential issues and suggest clinical mitigation and transfer back to the NHS to manage the pregnancy.

Meanwhile support from the Miscarriage Association may be helpful and get some therapy in place.

Good luck.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Honestly if there was a way that it could be 100% a woman's fault to lose a pregnancy we wouldn't ever need abortion, people would just do whatever thing could be relied upon to end the pregnancy.
People who have health problems that result in miscarriage aren't at fault, it's just how their bodies happen to be rather than being a moral question. You wouldn't say the foetus was at fault for having a gene mutation that was incompatible with life, so why blame the mother?
I hope that one day you feel able to try again and have your baby.

I'm so sorry for your loss. This wasn't your fault.

I've had 4 first trimester losses and a mid second trimester loss (22 weeks), at least 2 were confirmed chromosomal abnormalities. As a PP has said, scans can look absolutely fine until they've not. All of my pregnancies had a good first scan, with heartbeat. Some had a good second scan.

I know you hate hearing it, and trust me I did too - but a lot of miscarriages are bad luck, one offs, genetics issues etc. It's scary trying again, but there's no reason to think you won't have a baby one day at this stage.

With the progesterone - have you spoken to your GP about this in terms of getting it prescribed? x