Changing jobs during IVF after recurrent miscarriages

[Flippityfish]

Hi all

TL;DR- 5 Miscarriages, actively still TTC through IVF, wanting to still progress my career and change jobs.

I’m in a bit of a dilemma and would really appreciate any advice or shared experiences.
I’ve currently been TTC for 4 years now and had 5 miscarriages throughout that time and have just gone through an FET (of which we hope is our answer with PGTA testing), but at the same time I’m considering changing jobs as a new role which seems like it was written for me has just come up.

I’ve been in my current role for a while now and honestly feel like I’ve stayed about a year or two longer than I wanted because I keep thinking I will get pregnant. Long term, it doesn’t feel like the right place for me as the business strategy is uncertain and its not clear whether the business line will be there in 2-3 years time, so I don’t want to keep putting my career on hold indefinitely.

The issue is maternity pay. In my current job, I would qualify for SMP and enhanced maternity pay, so there’s a level of financial security if my IVF works and I carry to term. As I've been there a while I also have more flexibility in taking time off for appointments etc. But if I move jobs and assuming my prgnancy continues to term, I wouldn’t qualify in the new role due to the 26-week continuous employment rule. I also have a 3 month notice period so I probably would also have to tell them Im pregnant during my probation period.That makes the timing feel really risky. Will it ruin my reputation to start and then pretty soon take mat leave?

At the same time, if I stay purely for maternity leave and my IVF doesn’t work, I’ll have delayed my career even further, which is also frustrating—especially after already feeling like I’ve been “stuck” for a while.

The new job has a much more stable career trajectory, better long term prospects, will have a better title and likely have better pay and is much closer to my home. I'm currently having interviews and I think I'll most likely get an offer as I've worked with one of the team before.

Grateful for any thoughts on how to navigate...

I guess my thoughts keep oscillating between

• wanting to have my cake and eat it. Why cant i just have a baby and a job I like?
• getting the job and foregoing mat pay if the pregnancy is successful and feeling guilty about going on mat leave soon after
• getting the job, turning it down and then not having a successful pregnancy and missing out on another chance and feeling guilty letting the new company down if I turn down the role after going through the whole interview process.

Going a bit mad 🤪

I’d go for the new job. Even if you didn’t get mat pay, you’ll have a job you hopefully love and a child. As long as you could afford, then go for it!!! Good luck to you xx

Take the job.

I did the opposite - I stayed in a job I was bored of and hated because I felt it was below me because of mat pay. Going back to work sleep deprived as a new mother is 100 times worse if you don't like the job.

I took the new job when I was 18 weeks pregnant with my 5th pregnancy (sadly also lost that one) and have changed jobs twice before that during my fertility journey. And boy am I glad I did. It's been 9 years, I'd have lost out on even more of life if I'd stayed put xx

I’d take the job. I had a similar situation (although not IVF), put off applying for jobs, then finally did and found out I was pregnant in between interviews. A couple of points:

• I didn’t tell the company hiring me until after I’d accepted the offer, and after my 12w scan
• the company hiring me then voluntarily arranged a discretionary maternity package for me, so I was actually very lucky (big company, don’t know how common this would be)
• I had a 3 month notice period and managed to delay handing in my notice at my company until around 12w so that I qualified for statutory maternity pay from them. You can work out the exact dates but basically if I’d have handed in my notice a week earlier I’d only have been entitled to Maternity Allowance which is the same weekly amount but doesn’t include the 6 weeks at 90 % pay. So worth looking into this if you can fiddle your dates a bit

Good luck!

Thank you everyone for your responses, youve all given me some motivation in being a bit braver with my decision.
You're right, I have held things off for a while, lost so much of myself during this time of RMC and TTC I should try and get something for me. Hopefully things will work out. I have interviews this week.

@Moosey898 im so sorry to hear about your loss, it seems youve been through a lot.

@Summersun91 Thanks for sharing your heartening story! Its also a good point about checking dates and seeing if I can get SMP by delaying my notice. However im in the middle of interviews right now and I get the feeling they'll give me an offer shortly so not sure I'll be able to manage.
Im so glad your new employer offered you a discretionary package and you also managed to get SMP from your old one. Does that mean you joined your new company ~6m pregnant? How long did you take off for maternity leave and how did you manage being in a new job with a newborn?

Hello, yes I also had Christmas in the middle so that delayed my handing in my notice as well. Yes I joined my new company 6m pregnant, everybody was very nice about it. I took 1 year off mat leave. Starting again with a newborn was fine because I had accrued lots of holiday so only worked 4 days a week for the first 6 months!
I was also so relieved that it was the new job I was going back to and not my old one

Another saying Take The Job