Thinking of my boy, 7 years on / traumatic experience never shared outside of partner. **Baby Loss content warning**

[13MAPARTHELL]

my baby boy was born at 17 weeks on the 18th December 2019.

i lost my step dad to stage 4 cancer, that caused vascular dementia on the 10th, my family were lost but my baby gave them hope for something (he was my angel, the kind of man you almost never meet, incredibly special)

i had a scan that showed a high nuchal fold & was sent to evalinas for a heart scan, they told me my baby had passed.

the gate I had been given, the 18th was the day after my step dads funeral. Where everyone commented on my pregnant belly, and I had to explain - i never felt I got the chance to say goodbye to my step dad.

i was not told what to expect, no idea I was ‘giving birth’ they never explained what I was being given, or what was happening. I was in AGONY, lost a significant amount of blood during the birth, my mum with me, a mess given the circumstances & my partner not knowing what to do.

i went to the bathroom, and passed out from blood loss, the nurse took what felt like forever to arrive, when I came around I saw my baby boy, named teddy - he was stuck & I had to pull him out myself, (TRIGGER) hes head came off in my hand.

when all was done, they sent me home after 2 days and signing a document to confirm that a post mortem was required, due to gestation & after a scan, I didnt know that I had not passed the placenta at all.

heartbroken, i go home.

christmas day, i pass out, after huge blood loss & vomitting, ambulance to hospital with sepsis and put in a room of mothers who just gave birth, with crying babies, visting families and happiness around me.

a doctor used something and physically pulled out pieces of placenta tissue from inside me, the smell, i felt degraded. The nurse held my hand and stroked my face, the only comfort I had the entire time.

after recovery, i receive a phone call once home, from the specialist confirming that sadly, they had ‘lost’ my babies body, it could not be retrieved for analysis & the cremation had been and gone by error. The words were ‘lets hope for the best’ next time round.

i complained officially, they accepted how bad this situation was, a board meeting with several people had been arranged on my babies due date, I did not have the strength to attend.

it feels good to share this and RIP to my baby teddy ❤️❤️❤️ i am thinking of him today for some reasob

east kent hospitals have hopefully made improvements

This is dreadful and a lot for you to deal with.
I hope you have found some peace in the intervening years.

Do you have other children?
If so, were they born in the same hospital trust?

That sounds truly awful @13MAPARTHELL and not what you or little Teddy should have had to go through at all. I’m so sorry. Teddy would have only ever known love and peace though, and passing when he did perhaps his soul and your lovely dads are together somehow. You have two angels now. Bless you and thank you for sharing your story.

Thank you, i did years later, as there was no room at the time it felt to grieve due to my step dad (he can be compared to robin williams type man) so i felt i could not share etc, as everyone was so beside themselves was a strange time!

i had two, 2021 & 2022

first, i lost alot of blood, was very ill and they sent me home, and they then called asking for feedback on the blood transfusion that I never had! Again was very ill for a long time

second, planned c section of course!

This is truly heartbreaking. You have been through so much. I am so sorry this happened to you.

I'm so sorry OP.
You have been through so much and deserve all the best 💖

RIP Teddy, he’s in my thoughts just now and so are you. Not much I can say except this was an awful experience and talking and writing about it all you want is absolutely unferstandable.