It hits me like a train every so often

[peepsypops]

I had MMC3 two months ago. They all happened within 18 months of each other and I’m still waiting on genetic testing of the pregnancy tissue to come through. I had a weird dream last night that they found out what was wrong with me and I was so happy. Obviously it’s not true though ☹️
Most of the time I can keep it together and get on with it but today I’m not managing well. Sitting here at my desk at work and just want to cry but I don’t want to have to deal with the reaction of it.
I have another hour before this office gets really busy and lots of people will be talking to me. I’m trying to watch itv in the background so my head isn’t silent.
My best friend is pregnant and I’m really trying to be a good friend but I worry I’m failing.
There’s no point to this post - I just don’t have anyone in my real life who understands.

I'm so sorry for your losses, OP. I hope you get the testing results soon.

It’s so hard, I’m sorry for your loss OP. it took me a while after my loss in 2023 to even be able to go back to work so you’re doing really really well. It just takes time. You’ve got this and I’m sending my love to you as I know how it feels.

Thank you both 🙏🏻

I would love to take more time off but sick pay isn’t great where I work and it only creates more questions when people ask where I am… I think I’m probably better being busy to be honest….

I think the worst is just feeling so alone that I don’t have anyone in my life who can identify with what has happened - a few with one loss but not really any with 3. I did confide in my best friend a lot but now she’s pregnant I feel I’d make her awkward or show resentment in some way… I did try counselling but I didn't like it much.

I'm so sorry for your losses. I'm the only person in my circle who's had multiple losses too. It's so hard and people really don't understand. Even those I know who have had 2 have all gone on to have kids, or have had their losses between kids. It's a very lonely place to be.
Don't worry about being a good friend to your pregnant friend - it's such a hard situation. I'd be honest and tell her you're struggling and you might be distant but that doesn't mean you don't care, you just need to protect yourself. If she's a good friend she will understand xx

I’m so sorry for your losses. I’m also watching friends announce their pregnancies and wondering when I will ever feel less tender. Please know that even if you feel like no one gets it in ‘real life’ there are many of us here in this club too - we stand with you. Sending a handhold x

There's a 6 part story drama on BBCi player recently added, called Babies that addresses this important and sensitive issue in quite a tender and real way that may help you process.. sending love ❤️

Thank you so much everyone 🙏🏻 I am so grateful for this platform. It makes me feel much less alone!
Yes I have heard of the Babies show on player and I’m curious but also a little scared to watch. I think it could be good for me xxx