Finding pregnancy announcements unbearable after miscarriage… how to cope?

[Featherlemon]

Any advice welcome… I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks in December. Grieved hard in the week or two after then felt mainly ok…. 6 weeks later now and I feel awful. This weekend I have seen friends announcing their pregnancies - with their babies due around the same time when my baby would have been due, I expected this would have been tough but I can’t believe how much it’s hurting. These are friends I didn’t tell about my miscarriage. I just feel so depressed and can’t even fathom TTC anytime soon. I am 35 with no children and I feel like time is suddenly flying by. I know it will take time, but how do I navigate the coming months, and seeing friends growing their families?

I can only talk from my own experience. I have a 3 year old and have had 2 miscarriages since him. In that time several people I know have announced pregnancies and honestly it hasn't upset me. My situation is separate to theirs, I'm still very happy for them, I'm so pleased that they aren't going through what I am. I still love picking gifts for their little ones and making a fuss of their babies once they're born.

Also, if they're friends you should absolutely tell them about the miscarriage, they might be a little more sensitive around you if they know. I'm so over waiting until a certain date to tell people I'm pregnant incase I miscarry. I'm very open about it now, don't protect other peoples feelings at the expense of your own. If someone asks if we plan on having a 2nd I tell them we'd like to but have had miscarriages, they back off pretty well after that, they shouldn't ask if they weren't prepared for a truthful answer.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this and that it's hitting you so hard. I'm 36 so I do understand the time aspect. Take a break from TTC if you need it, I've done that after both miscarriages to get my head straight. I haven't given up, I'm ready to try again.

It’s so hard. I had to unfollow a lot of people on Facebook when I had my miscarriages as the pregnancy announcements (and subsequent photos and birth announcements) made me sad.

To cope I distracted myself with focussing on TTC and planning holidays and other things to look forward to. I was 35 when we started trying and 37 when my daughter was finally born.

Best of luck on your TTC journey.

Not a situation I have been in, but I think you can allow yourself to grieve, don't think you have to just move on. Would getting some counselling help to talk it out with someone neutral? That way you might find it easier being around your friends.

on a side note Please don’t put pressure on yourself that you have to have a baby soon. I had a couple of miscarriages and had my girl at 42.

it’s hard when you’re happy for friends but it also destroys you inside then you feel guilty.

I second the advice to focus on ttc and some nice things to look forward to this year. X

In the time I had three miscarriages, four colleagues were pregnant. I worked every day with and even had to cover their morning sickness. Everyone at work talked constantly about their due dates and did they know the gender etc. It was truly awful. I couldn’t escape the baby chat and if I said how bad it was I felt that everyone would think I was a terrible person.
Some people might not feel upset if others are pregnant as they go through loss and good for them, but for most it is deeply upsetting.

I could only really cope my minimising my time with them. I didn’t go for lunch in groups. I concentrated on what I could do to improve my own chances. Sometimes you need a bit of distance from pregnant people to protect your own feelings.

I am on the other side of it now and have had 2 children, but pregnancy announcements still make me feel a bit uncomfortable. I am pleased for other people but it reminds me of A very desperate time.

i hope your turn comes very soon