I know it's late but please help me I can't stop crying

[bcsnowpea]

I miscarried about six week ago, at ten weeks, though the baby had stopped growing at six. Since then I've had two, separated days where I've cried, both time with DH around.

Things seem to be so much worse today. DH and DS flew to Canada yesterday to visit in-laws and a sick nana, but I had to stay behind due to commitments. Today AF arrived for the first time since miscarriage. Also today, for the first time, I saw the bump of the colleague who is due the day after I was. I felt like shit about this all day, but only now, after getting home after work drinks, have I started to cry, and I can't stop.

My best friend can't come over, as she has other plans. My father is on the way, though I haven't yet really explained why I need him here.

I just can't stop crying. Total grief is pouring out of me, and I keep begging to I-don't-know-who for reasons why this baby couldn't stay with us.

Please, someone, anyone, how did you deal with this, how did you stop crying?

{{{{hugs}}}}

Sorry your feeling like this - it is a hard time and at least your dad is coming over.
I had a mmc early last year and I have the views that everything happens for a reason and that my little one wasn't meant to be
I still find things hard but I think of how lucky I am to have my 2 dc's that I already have.

Look after yourself - get some choccies and a magazine curl up on the sofa and rest

x

poor darling. I cried non stop for about two months. Eventually I was literally cried out. I think my tear ducts were just exhausted!

I'm so sorry you've had to experience this. All I can tell you that my daughter was born less than a year after I lost the previous one. Life springs up even when you fear it cannot.

I hope your father gives you a massive hug and wraps you up in a duvet and strokes your hair and tells you it will all be all right.

So sorry you're going through this. I've not experienced mc so i don't have much useful advice but just wanted to let you know I'm feeling for you.

Thank you all. I'm still crying, but I just need that connection that this is real still, and that it's alright to cry, and that one day I'll be able to stop.

I was having a conversation today about how women hide their insecurities, largely because they don't want people to think they are trying to get attention for them, and I didn't want that to be the case here.

So sorry for you Snowpea, but I promise it will get easier.

I had a missed miscarriage in 2004, but two years later I had a lovely dd, so there is still hope.

Try talking about it with someone, I found that helped, although I did find it hard to find someone to talk about it with, some people like to sweep it under the carpet because it makes them feel uncomfortable.

But do talk to someone, it is ok to still feel like shit about it, you don't have to pretend that everything is ok.

What you are feeling is normal - you are grieving for a loss. Don't think that you are weak / over reacting for one minute. I think you need to cry to start to recover.

I miscarried 4 months ago now and still have a teary day or two at the start of each period. It does get easier with time, lots of support, talking and doing what YOU need to do (look after yourself first!)helped me. Plan treats for yourself, rest lots and focus on your DS and time will pass and so it will be come less painful.
I still find though that odd occasions like preg announcements, young baby can set off a couple of 'blue days' again and thoughts of m/c spring upgain, but good days become more, and bad days lessen. It is a horible, horrible thing to happen so you should be and will be upset.

bcsnowpea
sorry if this helps you but i had 2 mc's before and is still childless till now. what margonjerry said above has happened to me, i cried so much this time after the miscarriage(2 yrs of ttc since last mc) that i couldnt cry anymore
its a normal feeling to feel very sad but i also believes it happens for a reason..
i hope you will feel a bit better and do chat with us whenever u feel down.

xx lots of hugs xx

Hi bcsnowpea how are you today? I think it is very normal to cry like that and I understand why being on your own set you off. After my MC I deliberately surrounded myself with people to avoid being alone as I was scared that I wouldn't be able to deal with it on my own. I begged my mother-in-law to stay a few more days after it happened and then dragged everyone off to my sister's house for a few days. Once we got back and it was just me and my two sons I cried and cried all day and it felt like it wouldn't stop and it was just horrible. I think the grief hits at odd times and can be set off very suddenely by anything. It's just so horrible and makes you feel so lonely. I just hope that the words of people here have helped you and that today things don't seem so bleak.

There is hope. After my first MC I got pregnant 6 weeks later and had a healthy boy nine months after that. I know its easy to say things like that but there is no way of knowing what will happen in the future so all you can do is hope I think.

I've just had coffee with a friend of mine who is pregnant and due a week before I was due. I think she felt more awkward than me but talking to her did help me in a way. It is such a lottery.

Thank you all so much. It is reassuring to hear that it is okay to cry, even though I do know this. I just deny it, thinking I should move on.

I just got hit so hard today. I'm sure a lot of it is hormones, but it was so strong and unexpected.

My dad did come over and held me and let me cry. Then he made me a cup of tea which was always his fallback when we were stressed. I made myself tell him the things that had set me off, instead of feeling embarrassed and trying to brush it away. It's something new I'm trying - to not bottle everything up. Anyway, he was very understanding, and then my mum arrived and took over. Now it's bedtime (in Oz) and time to cuddle up with a book.

I just want to stress again how much your posts helped. To feel that you're not alone, to feel that this is a common, acceptable experience of grief is really reassuring. I'm so sorry for all you losses, and hope that I can offer each and everyone of you support as strong as you have given me in the future.

I'm so sorry. Miscarriages are sh*tty. I also couldn't stop crying and felt really alone - although people on mumsnet made me feel a bit better. And then it seemd that a lot of women I knew said they'd also had a miscarriage or even several - but no-one in real-life seems to talk about it very much, proably because its too painful.

I do know that even though you feel absolutely awful now you will eventually start to feel better. Good luck with everything.

I'm really sorry you are going through this, there is no correct way to get through this time, it's what works for you, if you need to cry then that's what you must do. You have something awful happen to you and it hurts terribly.

I was really touched to read how supportive your dad was, how lovely that he could give you a cuddle and that you didn't feel awkward, it's good that you have that love around you now.

Hoping for brighter days for you soon xx