How did you choose management options?

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Sadly I have had confirmation of mmc this morning after a scan following some bleeding.
I have been given leaflets to read to decide between natural management (waiting) medical management or surgical. I can’t decide what option to go for. I’m devastated and just want it all over to be honest.
Ive been advised that I have to have bloods done before either option (other than natural management) which I hate so that’s not helping.
please can people share their experiences if you feel comfortable to do so? Sorry for your losses if you’ve been in this situation as well, the club no one wants to be in.

Hi
So sorry for your loss, it’s awful to go through. I don’t know if this will help but I’ve had two MMC now.

In 2022 I had one at 9 weeks and chose the surgical option just because I wanted it over. It was very straightforward and I was home the same day.

I had another MMC at 12 weeks just before Christmas. I chose the medical route because I was worried about scarring and the surgical option impacting future fertility. It’s only my experience but it was horrific. I had 3 rounds of the tablets over 48 hours, it finally worked but I bled very heavily and lost lots of blood. I passed the baby after 2 hours but the placenta got stuck and I had to have emergency surgery anyway.

If I was to go through a MMC again I’d opt for the surgery straight away x

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I think listening to your instinct is important.

I had a MMC Two weeks before my sisters wedding ( which I was on bridal party and had white bridesmaid dress).
Although my family were pressuring me to have surgical (suppose so ‘it would be all over’ ) I really didn’t want to go through that process. Nor did I want medical. Natural management took a week. I think physically and emotionally it was best option for me
I sometimes wonder if my body had an instinct that it was best option. Perhaps subconsciously your body knows it is only option that would work for you ?

For me emotionally I was in no rush for it to be over. In some ways waiting that week drew the process out - but that’s exactly what I needed emotionally.
I actually tried to take comfort in my last time with baby- but everyone is very different - and if drawing it out had caused me more pain I can’t imagine delaying a minute

I think your instinct is important. When I look back I felt grief - but I take a little bit comfort that it ended how i felt it should . Making your own decision, having a degree of empowerment, when totally powerless over pregnancy - isimportant too.

I know none of the options are what you want.

Take care

xx

we are here to listen

I am so sorry. It was suggested to me that I wait it out, which I did. In the follow up scan, they discovered that there was some retained matter, so I ended up having surgery anyway.
There is no easy choice, and I am so sorry you have this decision to make.

13 weeks and 16 weeks I opted for surgical. There’s a few days of planning - so I had time to process thoughts and see if nature helped, it didn’t so I went ahead. The nurses, surgeon and anaesthetist’s were all very kind.

im sorry for your loss OP, be gentle on yourself x

Thank you for all your kindness. It’s so hard isn’t it. I hadn’t told many people I was pregnant and it’s even harder to say that you’ve had a miscarriage. I feel like I can’t talk about it or share how sad I am.
I think things may have started happening now so I’m tempted to see how things go, my worry is that it is incomplete and I’ll require the d&c anyway but I am known for overthinking and anxiety!

I was booked for surgery but ended up with it happening naturally in the middle of the night. There was a lot of blood, but for me it wasn’t bad or traumatic. I felt like it helped me mourn the loss. I had pains which were like mild labour pains (I have another dd) very manageable with paracetamol. And I did pass a sac the size of a plum which I could tell was the baby, although I didn’t look closely at it. I was 10 weeks.

I sadly ended up having another miscarriage and opted to let that one happen naturally. Again very similar experience. Not traumatic and helped me mourn the loss.

My cycles resumed very quickly both times and had no issues, maybe a slightly heavy first period, and needed to take it easy for a week after.

Everyone is different but do whatever reduces your anxiety the most. This is hard enough without extra worry about the process.

I'm so sorry for your loss

So sorry you’re going through this, I had a natural miscarriage at 10 weeks (last week) like the previous poster and their description of the physical experience is so similar to mine.

I look back over the past couple weeks and sometimes think whether I would have opted for surgery if I had the chance but then feel bad as those who have had surgery may have wished to naturally miscarry like I did. The night it happened will never ever leave me and sometimes I wish I didn’t have to experience that.

Go with your gut xx

I am so sorry for your loss. I was in a similar position over Christmas… trying to decide what option to go with after a scan at 10 weeks 💔 It’s really not easy. I just wanted to share that I had a ‘positive’ (as much as it can be, I can’t think of a better way of describing this so apologies if it comes across insensitive) experience of miscarrying naturally at home. In my googling after my scan I couldn’t find many examples of this. I was actually booked in for a D&C, as I had thought this would get it out of the way in a more concise manner, but I ended up miscarrying at home naturally the day before I was due to go in to hospital. I was prepared with maternity pads, heat patches / hot water bottle & strong painkillers (paracetamol & codeine). I had heavy clotting passing for about 12 hours, with period-like (but stronger) cramps during this. I’m not a squeamish person, but I had been scared of what I would see - it has not traumatised me in any way and I actually think seeing it and going through the physical process of was helpful for my healing. I thought of it as a mini labour to pass the much loved pregnancy, and it felt ‘full circle’ to me, although of course very sad. I was absolutely exhausted for about 10 days afterwards, but feel better physically now.

I have since talked to a friend who has gone through both D&C and miscarrying at home, and she said her recovery was much more straightforward after the home option. There is no right or wrong, whatever you pick is right for you! Take gentle care of yourself in this tender time x

I’m so sorry for your loss. I think it really depends on the person, I went for the surgical and I took a lot of comfort going in to the hospital and having it all ‘sorted’ that day. I also didn’t like the idea of passing everything at home and potentially flushing. The pregnancy ‘tissue’ was spread in their garden of memorial which I again found comforting rather than the potential at home option.
there is no right or wrong way to go so it’s hard to advise but I really did find the surgery absolutely ‘fine’ and was home by 3pm - not needing to wear pads after a week

Thank you all again, it has been nice to not feel so alone in it all. I felt fine yesterday evening so dp went to work, obviously everything started after he left. I think thankfully I am through the worst of it now physically. I have a scan booked for Monday to see if I have passed enough or if I need to look at other options.
Having a glass of wine this evening but it’s not made me feel any better!

I had surgical intervention. It was upsetting but it meant everything was over & done with quite quickly. For me, the waiting would have been unbearable.

Hope you are doing ok OP. Still such early days. Take care

Thank you seasidemum83, ended up having “expectant management” (I think that’s what they called it) and everything went as well as it could although feels odd to describe it that way. Just started my first period since the miscarriage which is another difficult thing and I didn’t expect to find it emotional to be honest. I guess I should just be glad my body is recovering and doing what it’s supposed to. It’s just another reminder that I’m not pregnant.