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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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How to support my friend who miscarried (again)

7 replies

nmhermione · 30/12/2025 14:22

I have a friend who's a single mum of a wonderful little boy. She's been trying for over a year to give him a sibling. Unfortunately several IVF treatments have resulted in negative pregnancy tests, except one which resulted in a missed miscarriage earlier this year (at her 12 week scan it was discovered the baby had passed away 4 weeks earlier and there had been no symptoms). Now she has miscarried again at 7 weeks, and I don't know what I can say or do to support her. I don't want to be overbearing, but I also want her to know I'm here for her.

What might make matters a bit more difficult is that I'm 15 weeks pregnant with my second child myself, even though I know she's happy for me. I told her via a text a few months ago, so she had time to process it in her own way (this was before she knew she was pregnant herself) and she was very happy.

At the moment we're both in different countries, and won't be in the same country again until 2 weeks from now, so I can't visit or send her anything. Once we're both back in the UK, I'll go visit and drop off a care package.

I'd really like to hear from anyone who suffered a miscarriage and what helped them. I'm so angry and so sad but I desperately want to avoid making that obvious because then it's about my feelings and not hers. I can't imagine anything people say would be helpful, except for "I'm here for you" and "Call me anytime", which I've already said multiple times.

Thanks in advance for any advice you can offer.

OP posts:
OneRealMoose · 30/12/2025 14:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

OneRealMoose · 30/12/2025 14:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

lifehappens12 · 30/12/2025 14:37

Remember her and stay in touch. I have lost two babies and close friends knew but yet have never been able to have a direct conversation with me about it ever: I will never forget and just to have had them occasionally ask how I was would have helped.

nmhermione · 31/12/2025 14:44

lifehappens12 · 30/12/2025 14:37

Remember her and stay in touch. I have lost two babies and close friends knew but yet have never been able to have a direct conversation with me about it ever: I will never forget and just to have had them occasionally ask how I was would have helped.

Thanks, that's good advice. I can't believe your friends did that. Do you think they felt awkward? I followed up today to ask how she was feeling, and will send her another message in a few days or so.

OP posts:
Fletchasketch · 01/01/2026 14:34

Having been through this, recently with a 16 week loss I have to say the friends who helped most were those who offered calls or to go for a walk and just listen. From my perspective, ´call me anytime ´ was tricky as I felt I didn’t want to impose. The subtly different, I can call tonight if you’d like to chat meant I didn’t need to make a decision. I was also very moved by the friends who sent flowers and especially those who sent a card as it’s something we can keep. You are a lovely friend for thinking of the right thing to do, a lot of people are scared of saying the wrong thing so say nothing.

Namesss · 01/01/2026 14:38

I keep seeing deleted comments from OneRealMoose on multiple threads and wonder what on Earth is she posting?

OP, it's so nice you want to be here for her. Even though I've been in her situation, I don't know what to advice other than letting her know you're here for her and also checking in on her regularly.

Featherlemon · 01/01/2026 15:18

I really appreciated flowers after my miscarriage. And a nice simple card - sorry for your loss and thinking about you etc. It made it feel like people were treating it like a ‘real’ bereavement x

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