How long did you grieve your miscarriage?

[Featherlemon]

Looking for a bit of a handhold and any advice… I was 10 weeks pregnant with my first pregnancy on Christmas Eve when I found out baby had no heartbeat 💔 D&C scheduled for tomorrow but I naturally miscarried at home over the last 24 hours. I am still in shock. My husband and I cancelled all our Christmas plans (told most people we had the flu) and took the space we needed to grieve hard. I have been crying, but also feeling ok (maybe numb). I was so excited for a baby in July. Does anyone have any advice about dealing with the grief (and the inevitable announcements from friends etc) in the coming days and weeks? And how long before you felt ‘yourself’ again? I feel like I will be changed forever by this. Thank you x

everyone is different. I found thinking about it matter of fact made it easier, that there was something fundamentally wrong so nature stepped in. Mine (had two) were a bit earlier which might have been why I found it easier. You will in years to come ponder what if it hadn’t happened but if, and big if because I know am this sadly isn’t always the case you go on fairly quickly to carry a healthy pregnancy this grief may like me pass. But you don’t forget, 27 and 24 years on I remember the dates. I should hasten to add in case anyone thinks I’m sounding flippant, this is for early miscarriages, late ones are different definitely more traumatic

Firstly I'm so sorry you have joined this awful 'club' 💔. As far as grieving goes, it's such an individual process that it makes it worse if you try and compare or 'match' your grief to anyone else. I miscarried Oct 24 and it still hurts like hell. Some days are fine and others make you not want to get out of bed. For me I was fine at work as I worked from home and no one knew so I could pretend everything was fine but around my fiance I was and am a wreck. I feel all sorts of emotions, obviously sadness but also guilt that my body failed and it's 'my fault' (I know logically that it's not but still) Then the jealousy and anger. You feel like an absolute bitch and wonder why other people can have healthy babies when you have to cope with a miscarriage. It is absolutely OK to feel all sorts of ways and there is no 'right' way to feel. The most important thing is that you allow yourself to grieve, be that giving yourself time to cry, taking time off work for yourself, going on holiday to get away from home, it is entirely up to you but do it without guilt. You don't have to 'deal with it', you are not just grieving a pregnancy you are grieving a life of missed firsts and what ifs. Take care of yourself, you are stronger than you think and you will find a way through even if it doesn't seem like it right now ❤️‍🩹

Everyone is different. I miscarried at 12 or 13 weeks and while I was very dissapointed I didn’t grieve as I didn’t and don’t consider I lost a baby. I did cry but that’s because I was dissapointed and because I found the process of having a miscarriage difficult. I went back to full time work within a few days. The thought of sitting at home mourning the loss of a baby would have been completely bizarre for me. There were a lot of older women at my work who were so sweet to me. Unsurprisingly lots of them had had miscarriages themselves and while they were lovely and sympathetic to me they also didn’t make a huge thing out of it. It felt normal and fell into the category of sad but ‘one of those things’. I didn’t cry after the initial miscarriage and didn’t remember the date or the miscarriage or the expected date when the baby would have been born.

Im obviously very careful not to voice my experience of miscarriage in front of women who have found it far more traumatic but as the OP is asking for peoples opinions I thought it would be useful to hear that not everyone finds early miscarriages difficult.
I have seen enough posts on Mumsnet to understand that some women really struggle with miscarriage even when it’s a really early one. I’ve seen many posts where posters are bereft when a pregnancy is just a few weeks along so I get that it’s not unusual.
There is no wrong or right way to deal with miscarriage. Everyone needs to work out what’s best for them. I found getting back to work and chatting to my coworkers really helpful where it would have been the wrong thing for some other women.

Am so sorry to hear this. I have experienced two miscarriages at similar weeks gestation to you, the last one knocked me for six and took a long time for me to come to terms with.

As others have said, you never get over it but you find a way around it and you never forget those babies you loved x I remember my babies now by hanging two Decorations with there due dates on each on our Christmas tree each year. My DS6 asked this year what they were for, I simply told they represent the babies we love.

I just wanted to thank everyone who has taken the time to comment on this thread. It has been so useful to hear advice on this from people who have been through this before. I’m so sorry for your losses also ❤️

I have miscarried several times at 10 -12 weeks but then again, after my first child was born, I lost a pregnancy at 18 weeks.
I still feel that loss very strongly to this day even though I went on to have another successful pregnancy afterwards.
So now my children are 48 and 44 I still get deep grief particularly for that 18 week loss. Perhaps knowing it would have been a severely deformed boy makes it extra sad, I don't know.
But here I am at 78 with two wonderful children and 4 grandchildren and I still shed tears in private for what might have been.
Be gentle with yourself and may your God be with you.