Am I wrong for being upset about this?

[JasmineBloom]

So I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong here and I’m overreacting by being upset by this but would love to hear opinions. I had a miscarriage which was very long and drawn out and really difficult both mentally and physically. My sister knew all about it and was very supportive. As I was in the middle of the miscarriage and it still wasn’t over she shared with me that she was pregnant and due when I would have been due also. The timing couldn’t have been worse but of course I was happy for her. A few days later she posted an announcement photo on Instagram. Seeing the post was hard as I should have been able to post my own announcement at that time too but instead I was still waiting to finish miscarrying. I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive but if I knew a friend never mind my sister was going through a loss it would never have occurred to me to post a pregnancy announcement on instagram, or at least I would have waited until some time had passed and the loss wasn’t as recent.

I’ve found myself distancing from her since, both because of the post but also just because it’s hard to see her at the stage of pregnancy I should be at had all went well. My Mum is now saying I should be making more of an effort to speak to her as she misses me but she hasn’t made any effort to reach out to me either. I’ve also been a lot less active in our family group chat as I find it hard to see her gender reveal videos and other pregnancy related messages which just keeps reminding me of my loss. I’m fully open to hearing that I’m in the wrong here and that I should just get over it but part of me feels that’s it’s unfair of my Mum to be putting all the pressure on me to reach out to my sister when she hasn’t made any effort either. I fully accept I haven’t been as present as I would normally but I haven’t been in the best head space and giving myself some space has helped. Would love any advice or thoughts on how to navigate things.

Your feelings are all valid - the hurt, guilt, sadness that comes with miscarriages are real. That said, her feelings are valid too.

She will be excited by her pregnancy and if you’re close, she’ll want to share it with you.

Such a hard situation for both of you. Perhaps reach out and go for a coffee and cake. You can explain how you feel, that it’s been hard watching her pregnancy progress and that you have conflicting feelings.

I suspect she will be finding this difficult too. Just talk to each other.

Probably your mother is also suggesting to DSis to make up as well.

I hope, with time, you can go back to being sisters; supportive of each other's joys and travesties.

Sorry for your loss.

Don't forget to welcome your niece or nephew. Your loss was not their fault.

Everything you’re feeling is so valid and I can only imagine how much it is hurts. I experienced a long drawn out miscarriage after a long period of trying to get pregnant and found it so hard watching friends pregnancies progress. Having the exact same timeline as someone you’re close to (even worse your sister) would be extremely hard. It’s a constant reminder and always will be. So I really do get it and I hope you can eventually find some peace with it. It’s heartbreaking and I’m so sorry you lost your baby 😔

On the other side of it, your sister will be excited. And I agree I probably wouldn’t have done an announcement on social media so close to your loss just out of respect, I would have either skipped the announcement, or if she’s big on these things, she could have waited a few weeks or given you a heads up/made it not visible to you.
However I also think it’s fair enough for her to want to enjoy her pregnancy. I wouldn’t have fully grasped that when I was really struggling with my own grief but I realise now pregnancy is a special and fleeting moment in life. If lucky, women get to have maybe 1-2 successful pregnancies before their family are complete. They are excited and want to enjoy that pregnancy. If they spent the whole pregnancy playing it down due to friends/family around them who are having their own experiences then they may never truly get to enjoy their own pregnancy. As like I say it’s a brief and fleeting once/twice in a lifetime experience for them, never to be repeated, and they want to enjoy that. And when those around them eventually have their own successful pregnancies, then will they be allowed to fully celebrate? If you’re pregnant again in future would you be happy to play that down for those around you? These are things I don’t think I ever fully asked myself if I’m honest when I was consumed with grief and loss. But as more of my friends try for babies/have losses and various experiences, I realise you really need to just enjoy your pregnancy, your baby, while yes of course being always sensitive to the reality that many are facing.
So I personally don’t do social media announcements because I will never forget how they made me feel during that period but I now also smile when others do.

I think everyone’s feeling are valid in this experience and it’s going to take immense love for each other as sisters and a lot of kindness and patience from you both to navigate this ❤️

Of course it's going to be hard to see her pregnancy timeline running parallel to what yours would have been. That will only make it harder for you. You're constantly being reminded of what could have been. Of course your feelings are valid.

I am not sure when you think would have been an okay time for your sister to post her pregnancy announcement? It was always going to hurt. Maybe not while you were miscarrying but a week later maybe?

We went through a different kind of loss and, as hard as it is, life does continue. People can't put their happiness on hold or hide things for long because of something else that happens in the family. It does feel surreal and it hurts though. I hope your sister understands why you might need to take a bit of space for a while, given the pregnancy timeline especially.

My heart goes out to you. A similar thing happened to me with my sister in law announcing her pregnancy as I was miscarrying ( difference is she didn’t know I was pregnant) it was hard then seeing her pregnant as it was like she was living a life I was meant to be living. 25 years on and it still hurts. I would suggest counselling as this is something I wished I had done. Look after yourself and take things slowly xxx