MMC - anyone else going through this?

[Mmcgutted]

I have NC but long time poster.

I’m making this thread hoping for a bit of a handhold not just for myself but anyone else also experiencing this especially at this time of year

Found out on Monday that I have miscarried at 9 weeks. The baby stopped growing at 6 weeks, and now I’m in the waiting phase. I basically have to wait to miscarry naturally in the next two weeks before I can be offered any treatment because a second scan is needed to confirm. I know myself though that it is over and am worried my body will continue to pretend that I’m still pregnant.

I’m struggling with going through this especially in the run up to Christmas. It feels cruel. I’m angry and frustrated that I have been sent on my way with nothing more than a leaflet and an appointment for a second scan 3 days before Christmas. I want them to let me have surgical management now so it is over and I can start recovering. I understand why they can’t and it’s no one’s fault but the timing is awful - I will have it hanging over me for the full festive period.

to anyone in the same boat or has been through this in the past. I’m feeling very alone at the moment and absolutely dreading Christmas and hoping someone else understands what I’m going through.

I'm so sorry. I had a MMC last year, found out at the 12 week scan and it took a long time to get over. I went with medical management and had to wait a week between appointments so not sure why you have to wait 2 weeks. I would maybe call and complain tbh as waiting 3 days before Xmas means you will likely have to wait until after Xmas to have any management.
I now have my baby and I look back on it as a shitty experience that made me stronger and more empathetic. It will get easier with time. I'm sorry you have to go through this

Thank you for taking the time to write such a kind reply. I’m so sorry you’ve had the experience as well.

Yes the nurse in the EPU said it will most likely be after Christmas. It just feels very cruel being left dangling like this. She explained it’s due to guidelines and the size of the sac on the scan means that no doctor will agree to begin treatment before 2 weeks have passed and a second scan shows no change. I assume it’s in case my dates are wrong, but I know they’re not.

I’m heartbroken really, I want to try again as soon as I can and it feels like it will be weeks and weeks before that’s possible. It took a long time to get pregnant in the first place, it’s so demoralising that it’s ended like this.

Hello - I too have just gone through this. I had surgical management two weeks ago for MMC found out at 9 weeks baby stopped at 7.5 weeks. I had to wait a week for a follow up scan then by the time I had the op it was 10 days I had to wait. So sorry you’re going through it too, it is hard and even two weeks on I have my moments, but it is much easier at this point I find. I’m not sure why you have to wait two wwwks for the follow up scan? That seems excessive and I think standard guidelines is a week? That’s plenty of time to assess any growth and potential signs of heartbeat. I felt the same as you - I just knew it had ended and wanted it over so I could draw a line and move forward, so I really feel for you and i know the pain. Sending you hugs and I promise even just a few weeks on it does get easier, you are stronger than you think and you will get through this 😘

I am also going through this and I am struggling immensely today with it.

My partner and I went for our second scan a week ago (it would have been 11/12 weeks and we were expecting good news to share with the rest of our friends and family). Our closest friends knew already. It was too small and no change from scan prior month and sac deflated and was told it was a miscarriage. Which means I had already been carrying for a month thinking it was good news as I was doing everything right and had full swing symptoms.

At the scan last week she told us I had to get treatment and I was nervous about the pills. I had been scheduled 3 days later to go to the hospital. Two days prior to the hospital apt my partner had to leave for a work trip (his work involves constant travel and that’s just his industry which I understand /understood at the time)- his appearances are signed and booked over a year in advance.

We got in a bad fight the day he left. We made up. I think we were both in shock and pain and angry at the world and sad to be apart and we don’t handle these goodbyes very well in general.

At the hospital I was told I need to do it in the hospital and need to be scheduled in - so I am now scheduled in for next week. A whole extra week of carrying death. And alone.

My friends have been amazing taking me to apts, going for food and offering company. I haven’t really wanted it as I just feel I suppose depressed. My pregnancy symptoms finally have just started going down (tits still hurt though). I get calls and texts from my partner..but I’m just so angry at him for not choosing to be here over work (even though I know that means the consequences of potentially loosing the contract). He wants to try again… but I just don’t want to feel alone during pregnancy or this again. I don’t know how to forgive him for not being with me while I wait around with headaches, cramps, feelings and all this shit while I just wait to see if I bleed ( and perhaps endure intense pain and bleed out in the night) and/or wait till this apt and then have to go through those days alone as I have to take the first pill 2 days prior to the hospital - and be alone. I’m furious and for sure taking out anger which I know isn’t ok but I cannot forgive this for some reason. I broke up via call and text about it. Do I want that or mean that? Deep down no, but at the same time deep down I know I will never get past being alone for this. And thats my point even a breakup has to be over a call or text as I am home alone.

I’m so sorry @Roseygirlie it sounds like you have so much more on your plate that is making an already horrible experience even harder. How long is your partner away for?

@Anythingpink so sorry for your loss
I’m glad that you are starting to feel better now it’s properly ‘over’ and I’m hoping this is how I will feel once the loss has actually happened. My body is showing no signs of starting to miscarry naturally though.

The nurse was quite insistent that the guidelines are 2 weeks in my circumstances and wouldn’t budge on it so I’m confused that you and another poster only had to wait a week. I feel like I am basically being forced into 2 weeks of expectant management that I don’t want. My baby has already been dead for 3 weeks, I just don’t want to carry it around any longer.

Firstly sorry for your loss OP🩷
I've been in the same position before last year and it really is heartbreaking. I had my MC confirmed on xmas eve and was booked in for surgical management on the 6th Jan, so I know how hard it is and how dreadful you must be feeling.
It's a tough thing to deal with at anytime but specially difficult around this time of year.
I personally really struggled and couldn't enjoy xmas until i knew it was all over. Eventually though things did get better and I was lucky to conceive a few months later. I'm now 40 weeks pregnant and waiting for my little boy to arrive so i'm getting a very different xmas experience this year.
Wishing you all the best xxx

@Mmcgutted i feel for you wanting the choice for surgical management for wanting it to be over and done with. It’s the same for me. He’s been away since the 7th and I won’t see him until the 20th two days after my hospital apt. I’ve been processing the MMC since the 5th and it’s been a month prior to that that the baby died… so it’s been brutal. I’m so so sad to hear someone else is going through this as it is literally the worst thing I’ve ever had to go through, yet selfishly at the same time I guess sadly happy to know I am not alone in this hellish experience.

Not currently in this position, but I have been there with the exact dates. As the embryo heartbeat only just starts between 5 and 6 weeks, they do need to be certain there is no hope. My scan was a bit marginal, but they dud diagnose MMC after a bit of checking.

I opted for wait and see, partly because I still hoped "the baby" (embryo) might be okay. But also because I'd had slight bleeding and was pretty sure my body was already figuring things out. I couldn't bring myself to do medical management, as it felt too much like I was opting to abort a much wanted pregnancy.

That all said, I think many people do have the "I just want it sorted and to move on", feelings.

I'm sorry you feel like you'd been packed off with no plan and a leaflet. The Miscarriage Society and Tommy's charities both have helplines you can call to get more empathetic support and advice.

The grief does ease in time, but it is still a real bereavement. I an still sad about the baby I lost, even though I went on to gave a healthy child 2 years later.

@Mmcgutted I'm so sorry, I feel what you are going through. I have just suffered a miscarriage, it was a blighted ovum, no embryo developed, just a gestational sac/yolk sac. I went for an emergency scan at 10 weeks and that's all they could see :( I've been miscarrying since then, bleeding steadily and passed some tissue last week. Today, I just got a negative pregnancy test, surprisingly.
They also only gave me a follow up scan for 2 weeks later, it is scheduled for later this week! So I guess everything will be confirmed then. Yes, they also couldn't tell me I was having a miscarriage as it was the first scan and they thought I got my dates wrong... I knew I hadn't. I hope at least you are not waiting for too long, as it must be awful. But also my body took ages to realise the pregnancy wasn't developing, I was almost 11 weeks when bleeding started even though no embryo...
I'm hoping all pregnancy is cleared when we go back.
How are you feeling now? Any symptoms? x

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and sharing your stories.
@EmeraldPie I’m so sorry you’re in this situation too. Are you relieved it’s started happening naturally? I was hopeful it would happen naturally for me too but so far I’ve had no signs, my body seems to be happily carrying on like everything is fine. It feels cruel that I’m still so nauseous and have sore boobs, when I know now it’s for nothing. That’s why I would like to go straight in for a surgical procedure asap so it’s not prolonged for any longer than it has been already. By the time I have my second scan, it will be 5 weeks since the baby died 😞

Thank you @Astrial and @Lulusunflowers. I am so happy for you both that you went on to have a successful pregnancy and I hope that eased the pain of this experience. For some reason it does help to hear that other people have gone through it and then gone on to have a healthy baby. I’m fingers crossed that this will be my outcome too

@Roseygirlie how are you doing? I hope you have some support still while your partner is away. I am thinking of you, the situation with his work must be making it more difficult for you than it needs to be. Hope you are coping ok with the awful wait

There is something so heartbreaking about going for that first scan and just waiting and waiting for the sonographer to say what you’re wanting to hear. For me it must have only been 2/3 minutes of silence before she said, “I am sorry…”, but it felt like an hour. I keep replaying it in my mind as though I might have been able to change the outcome of what she could see. I remember her saying before “are you sure you are 9 weeks” and that’s when I sort of knew it wasn’t going to be good.
I have had my fair share of loss and heartbreak in my life but that moment is up there with one of the saddest and most unfair things that has ever happened to me.

I'm so sorry to read this 💐I can relate having had a half a dozen losses over the years. Speaking from experience, yes, your body might well hold on to everything until hCG drops off enough for it to realise something has gone wrong. It depends entirely on how the miscarriage happens - some are over within a week, some can take months.

The worst loss I had took about 5 months to fully resolve as I had RPOC. That loss was an IVF pregnancy (blighted ovum) and the first thing I had to do was come off all the IVF medications, ie estrogen and progesterone. Estrogen grows the lining, progesterone makes it thick and sticky. hCG keeps telling the body to make progesterone, but in an IVF pregnancy, the progesterone is being provided via medication, not your body.

It took a week for my body to notice the lack of progesterone. I then had 2 haemorrhages over 2 consecutive nights and the blood loss frightened the clinic. They said that if I had a haemorrhage that night that I should go straight to A&E. I'm a tiny person, if I lose that much blood, I'll need a transfusion. Luckily I didn't have another haemorrhage until about a fortnight later. It was much of the same after that, but with smaller random clots and bleeds.

The worst one which also was the last one before my cycle returned was when I was at my PIL's house for a NYE meal. Out of nowhere I just flooded (in hindsight I should have stayed home as I was still testing faintly positive) and had to rush back home where I then sat on the toilet for over 5 hours. I felt like death, and I probably should have gone to A&E, but fortunately I recovered fairly fast and was pretty much okay the following evening. I was on the fence about having surgery to clear it and you're told to pay attention for symptoms of infection as RPOC can cause things like endometritis.

One of the worst and most painful aspects about all the above is that it was a constant reminder that I had lost yet another baby. I hated my body. I felt like my body preferred to be a graveyard than to be a vessel in which to carry babies and bring them to term. I had so many dark thoughts during that time and the entire time I was either not getting pregnant or miscarrying.

@Mmcgutted so are so kind to check in. I am still waiting. Tomorrow I take mifepristone in the morning at home and then the morning of the 18th I go to the hospital to take miso and be monitored. Still a struggle. Lots of arguments and missed calls/texts- it’s not really helping the situation at all.

how are you doing today?