I don’t know why I’m posting here apart from maybe having somewhere to get it out.
9 days ago I had emergency surgery to remove a pregnancy in my right tube, the tube had began to rupture so i also lost my tube alongside the baby, they also discovered a blood clot on my ovary, everything was so fast and I didn’t get chance to even process the things I was being told, even 9 days later I just don’t know how to process it, physically it’s been difficult, my history and existing conditions (aps) puts me at a high risk of clotting, alongside the clot they found on my right ovary so I’ve also had to use fragmin injections and continue using them for another 6 weeks and I feel like I don’t recognise my body right now :/
mentally is a different thing all together, I’m struggling to accept I’ve lost a tube and what it may or may not mean for the future, while doctors reassured me the left looks healthy and I could still conceive I can’t help but feel afraid and defeated, the pregnancy itself was wanted more than anything, but it turned into my 5th back to back loss since 2023 and my second loss this year alone (mmc in February, took till October to conceive again and ended this way) and I don’t know how to begin with the grieving / letting go process of yet another what if, I plan on going back to counselling when i feel more capable.
I’m sorry for such a bleak post, but I feel this may be the one place someone may understand my feelings and what I’m going through rather than looking at me awkwardly or just saying “im sorry, you’ll get there”.
if you did read this, thank you x