Just feel really sad

[Fallulah]

I had an MVA in September for our first pregnancy. I went back to work two days after because I had little choice due to the timing - teacher and it was the start of term. I thought I was fine.

It’s been a horrible term for one reason and another work related. This week I have hit a wall with tiredness and no tolerance for adults and young people with no respect. I had a good chat with my boss and have taken some time off.

I just feel really sad that I should be approaching five or six months pregnant now, enjoying our last Christmas as a two and thinking what next Christmas could have been like. I’m 45 now and the pregnancy took years to achieve, and I doubt we’ll do it again. It also feels like everyone at work is bloody pregnant, including those who moaned about their firsts all the time or whose relationships are far from perfect. It’s not fair. I know I sound like a five year old.

No point to this post really. I guess I just needed to say it to people who might understand.

I had the same during my miscarriage. I miscarried on mothers day (yay!) went back to work on the Monday still bleeding heavily because my boss was leaving that week and I needed to do handover.

I hit a wall around the due date, and I can describe it as complete and utter nothing. I couldn't be arsed with anyone or anything. Took about 2 months to get out of the funk.

I do think it's delayed grieving.

I’m so sorry 😞 take all the time you need and it’s ok to step away from engaging lots with others pregnancies. I’m just really sorry some things are very shit x

I am so sorry you are going through this. I’ve had 6 miscarriages and honestly my feelings after all of them were different. At my worst it was such a profound loss that I didn’t function properly.
It is a cycle of grief that you are going through and you have to be kind to yourself. It takes time. As you say I think the hardest thing is accepting that life won’t be what you expected it to be. This takes time and it can’t be shortened or skipped. I’m sorry. It will get easier I promise.

@Fallulah I’m so so sorry xxxx
I had my first loss at a similar time to you, I am still struggling and I took 6 weeks off work so I’m not surprised you feel burnt out

It isn’t fair and there’s no rhyme or reason to it. Christmas feels like a reminder of what should have been. I think the unknown about the future and what my life might look like if I don’t have a successful pregnancy is a big part of my sadness as well.

Take all the time you need off work and I really hope you have some happier days soon 🤍🤍🤍

So sorry you lost your baby OP. I had a MMC in August too at 12 weeks. Thought I had been coping ok but I’ve been finding the last couple of weeks really hard - like a delayed grief reaction. I don’t think anyone really understands how hard it is unless they’ve been through it.

I felt ok yesterday but I just tried to go and do some things I needed to do and there was a line of stupidly parked cars which made me irrationally angry and then I started crying and came home. WTF?

I had Friday off and I honestly can’t see how I can stand in front of classes feeling like this.

It may feel irrational, but it is totally normal. Small things can trigger the internal response for grief, sadness, anger etc. I know it doesn't make it any easier, but it helped me a bit to know I wasn't acting in a totally insane way!

Be kind to yourself and don't criticise yourself when things like that happen. Sending big hugs xx

I'm so sorry you're going through this ❤️
It's so hard not to count how far along you'd be had everything been okay..

I wish you all the best.

Thank you all for being so bloody lovely. It was a bit bizarre actually… the fog and sadness just totally lifted after having Friday, Monday and Tuesday off and I feel completely ‘normal’ again now.

I’m actually wondering if (sorry, TMI) it was hormonal. I was at the start of my period on Friday and they’ve been much heavier since the miscarriage. The sadness lifting coincided with my period ending. It’s mad how things can still be so messed up months later.

Late to this but as a teacher and line manager don’t struggle along if you’re feeling you need some time to grieve.
only you can know where you’re at but as a hod I’d rather you took a couple of weeks sick to grieve, process and think about things then came back than struggled constantly and burned out miserably - that way isn’t better for you or the kids.

i know two weeks (for example) won’t magically resolve things but I’d also be understanding of taking some time around your due date. It may as you say in your last post be hormonally related too but do have a think about whether you can see any dates that might be tricky like that.
can you have an honest conversation with your line manager? I’d also be happy for example to swap lessons if possible so you weren’t teaching these topics for now

It could very well have been hormonal - after one of my miscarriages, the 3 days leading up to my period were horrific, I found myself just sobbing on the kitchen floor for no apparent reason. 2 days into my period and I felt fine. Good to hear you're feeling better, be gentle with yourself in the coming weeks as things can ebb and flow xx