Pregnancy Loss

[MrsAnon6]

I’ve just turned 41 and have been desperate for a second child for a long time. I knew that my age would make it difficult and in September I experienced an ectopic pregnancy (body dealt with it naturally and I still have both fallopian tubes). I fell pregnant again but during a scan today (9 weeks, 5 days) I was told that the baby’s heart had stopped beating at around 8 weeks. I’m not immune to loss as I had a miscarriage and two ectopic pregnancies before having my daughter 3 years ago (she was born completely healthy) and knew I’d likely have a tough road to another pregnancy but I’m so devastated by this most recent loss that I don’t think I can keep going. I’m essentially carrying a deceased baby as my body hasn’t picked up on the loss and I will now have to go to hospital to be treated. I know I’m lucky to have my daughter and I couldn’t love her more but there’s this urge that tells me my family isn’t complete yet and I can’t shake the feeling of wanting another child. Has anyone been through something similar? Should I give up and accept this isn’t going to happen for me? I can’t think straight or make a decision at the moment.

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. I'm also trying for a second but have had three miscarriages this year.
Have you had any investigations/ support? Three ectopic pregnancies sounds like too much to be. Coincidence!

I have an appointment at a recurrent loss clinic in January. The Dr couldn’t tell me why I’d had 3 ectopic pregnancies as I don’t have any risk factors and my scans haven’t shown any abnormalities, it’s just so shit.

Im sorry for your losses.

I'm so sorry for your losses OP. Have you ever had a HSG or a hycosy to check the patency of your tubes? Have you had any closure for your previous MC's? You might find this website helpful :www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk

Only you know when its time to stop TTC OP. What does your OH feel? Its such an individual thing. In my case I was 43, had TTC 12yrs, lost 3, then rounds of IVF and had no cause for sub fertility every found. It was only then, that the specialist asked whether I'd considered donor eggs! Well no I hadn't, it was the first it had been mentioned!

You had had a successful pregnancy and might have another, but only you know how long the keep going x

It’s egg quality unfortunately at our age. That’s what I’ve been told by various consultants. I’ve given up now and really enjoying the life we have. We have a good income, can afford to do the things we want when we want. I love our little family and it’s perfect. I’m looking forward to the future as a family of three. It was a big weight off my mind when we decided to stop. I’ve also had ectopics and they can leave a scar so the tubes can be blocked anyway (even when they disperse naturally). I don’t want to put my body through it again, and I’m not sure I want to go through the baby stage again. Our child is so loved and happy, and I don’t want to risk having another who might need extra care and take away time from the child we love.

Sorry op for your losses did your dr not suggest giving your body time to heal? I know your against the clock maybe give yourself 6 months to grieve then decide what to do. You could be putting a lot of pressure on yourself for your 2nd but your body can’t cope. I hope you manage to have your 2nd but don’t rush yourself.

I'm 44 and had 3 miscarriages over the age of 41. Before that I had two healthy pregnancies. I really wanted a 3rd child but now I've accepted that it will never happen. But, if you want a 2nd my advice is to throw the book at it because you are running out of time. Plenty of women do have babies in their early 40s but you can't be whimsical (I was). Do all that you can to make it happen. Best of luck ☺️

@MrsAnon6 I’m so sorry this is so crap!

you’re very lucky you got pregnant easily in a way it means you don’t have low AMH

its very likely though quality is not great due to age or other factors. Have a google on what you can do to get it better , not all hope is lost . Protein (extremely high) and anti inflammatory diet helped me massively (2 miscarriages , first baby via IVF, 2nd naturally first try after anti inflammatory diet for 3 months)

also very specific diet helps balance immune cytokines which sometimes are to blame for these situations

good luck x

I’m so sorry. It’s devastating. I just had surgical management of miscarriage 2 days ago for a missed miscarriage for a pregnancy that I knew was my last chance of having another child (10 year old daughter.) I feel your pain. Hugs to you x

Hey, could you share more on what your anti inflammatory diet looked like please?

Thanks in advance

Minimal processed foods, and more orange coloured ones (butternut squash, tomatoes ) , salmon, olives and sadly zero sugar (apparently it affects the eggs)

Thank you so much I'm going to start this in December off the back of what you said. Thank you 🌞

This happened to me as well I’m so sorry I know exactly how heartbreaking it is. I had secondary infertility and had a missed miscarriage. I was younger at the time (34) and found out the heart stopped at 11 weeks. I was waiting for 2 weeks for surgery. I tried for another almost 3 years after that and never got pregnant but eventually at 37 had success with ivf with pgta. My best quality embryos were all abnormal. The normal one stuck. It was clearly an egg quality issue for me despite being on the younger side. I delayed getting ivf for ages because I kept just hoping things would happen for me . But they didn’t until
i had the ivf. I hope you aren’t offended by me saying this but id you are serious about things I would consider ivf at your age if you can afford it. It’s not a guarantee but increases your chances of success significantly. Best of luck with everything