Back to back TFMRs - feel so sad

[Land26]

I had a TFMR back in June at 16 weeks due to a genetic condition both my husband and I carry. Decided to try again straight away, even though we have a 1 in 4 chance of reoccurrence. We luckily fell pregnant straight away but had my 12 week scan today and there was an increased nuchal of 9.7mm.

We have been told it’s highly likely this baby also has the condition. We had a cvs test done today and will wait for the results but I am devastated that we are highly likely to terminate again.

I have a beautiful DS and I am so sad I might not be able to give him a sibling. I suffer with such bad nausea in first trimester and I just don’t think I can do it again. We aren’t eligible for IVF on the NhS and genetic testing IVF is very expensive, but not completely ruled out for us.

Just looking for any similar stories, I’m broken

I'm so sorry OP, sending you a lot of love and hugs ❤️

I had a tfmr a few years ago, so know how hard it can be to make the decision, having to make it twice would have broken me too.

Take your time before making any decisions about trying again if you do terminate, it doesn't have to be this year or next (although i don't know your age here).

Sending love once again ❤️

I have a similar story.

I had a TMFR around 10 years ago due to anencephaly.

In my next pregnancy, at the 12 weeks scan the nuchal was raised and the abdominal wall hadn’t sealed as it should have by that stage. We were told it was likely Omphalocele and that this in turn would likely be due to a trisomy like Patau’s or Edwards. The way it was positioned to us what this was almost certain to be the outcome & the prognosis very bleak. We were referred to fetal medicine and had CVS.

The CVS came back clear and by 20 weeks DS’ abdominal wall had sporadically sealed. He’s now 2.5, happy and healthy.

I have since had another miscarriage (my 4th, the others were before my TMFR) and there’s every chance that pregnancy ended before a genetic defect could be discovered. So I feel a bit anxious about giving you hope unfairly just in case things turn out differently for you… just know that it is possible, and try to hang on for those results. I am crossing everything that your CVS comes back clear too.

Thinking of you and sending a hand hold 💐 x

I am so sorry you’re going through this, it’s awful. My experience is not the same but I wanted to share in case it’s helpful - I two recurrent mmc where I had to have procedures post 12 weeks. I’m not saying it’s in anyway comparable but I understand (on some level) how heartbroken you must be feeling. I already had a DS who we conceived with no problems.

For what it’s worth and in case it’s not the news you were hoping for - I spoke to a consultant privately and she explained that (despite what the nhs tell you) women who conceive again straight away are more likely to have a negative outcome (although that’s not always the case, it’s just more likely that not). She encouraged us to wait, so we did and I just focused on dealing with my grief and other things (DS, DH, me!). It was actually helpful to have a break from ttc even though every month that went by felt like a wasted opportunity.

Remember that any pregnancy has a 1 in 4 chance of ending in loss (usually for abnormalities) - that’s the same odds you’ve been given. If this ends the same way you’ve been extremely unlucky (in the same way I was) but the odds are still in your favour. That gave me some hope - each pregnancy is a new egg and new sperm. You also have a healthy DC so it can happen.

I think the question is more whether you want to try again - I wasn’t sure I could - but after time we did and it worked. It’s been extremely tough and the pregnancy was filled with anxiety but you have to do what’s right for you and your family. I also struggled with awful morning sickness and migraines which left me bed bound but I got through it a day at a time.

It’s so incredibly hard and lonely so make sure you get the support you need.

Thank you all for your comments and kind words. I got my cvs results today which confirmed the baby is affected so I will be terminating. I had a medical termination last time and not sure I can go through that again, so am now looking to have a surgical one. To be honest whatever makes this nightmare over as soon as possible so I can move on.

Oh @Land26 that's heartbreaking for you and your husband. I'm so sorry.

I’m so sorry to hear this. Definitely go for the surgical, don’t put yourself through a medical again. I had a surgical for my TMFR (medical for the missed miscarriages) and it was much easier to cope with x

I’m so sorry :( that’s awful for you.

Im presuming PIGD isn’t possible for your condition/ where you live?

I hope you physically recover soon although I know the mental scars are a different thing entirely :(