TFMR then trying again

[bosslady89]

Hi all.
fell pregnant in February after 4years of not conceiving so was very happy and excited it happened naturally all was well till we went for our 20week scan and baby had a bad condition and we had to terminate at 22weeks. He was delivered by d&e. 7 weeks later took a pregnancy test it was positive (thought I was pregnant again) but turns out I had left over tissue so needed surgery to remove it. Then 2 weeks after that I got a womb infection so was treated for that. Inbetween those weeks we found out my baby’s condition was not genetic or a chromosome issue so it was very unlikely of it happening again. He was delivered in June we’re now in October I’m about 13dpo all negative tests. So I’m out this cycle. i can’t help but think this wasn’t meant for us. It took us so long to conceive and when we did he couldn’t stay. I’m still heartbroken. We have a debrief appointment soon where we will get his post mortem results and what the next steps are.
im just terrified of what’s to come. I don’t have 4years left in me to do it all again and get nothing from it. My partner is the same. Still so angry at the world and I still can’t be around babies or look at babies things in shops etc. he was due at the end of October so this month was always going to be hard but honestly I didn’t know how hard it was going to be. 😔
I don’t know what to gain from this tbh. Just need a rant. Ive had enough.

No advice OP but just wanted to say I am so so sorry. I can’t imagine how difficult this must have been and especially after such a long ttc journey.

Have you reached out to a therapist to support you and your DH through your grief?
Do you have family and friends to talk to?

Only you and your partner can make the decision which is best for you both, if to continue trying or not. Is IVF an option if you decided to try again?

Would you like to tell us about your little boy?

Rant away, it helps to talk with people that understand. To give you some hope, I had a tmfr last December at 16w and have had previous miscarriage and other issues. I’m cautiously optimistic about current pregnancy, 30w yesterday.

What do you think would help? Grief counselling? Help to fall pregnant again? It’s good news (in a way) that it was a random condition and is unlikely to happen again. Wishing you the best of luck.

And I should have said, this is HARD so please be kind to yourself. Anniversary or due date anniversaries are hard, and it felt to me like no one cared (even DH didn’t realise). I found getting the post mortem results helpful to move forward.

Thank you x

My family have been horrendous tbh. I have nobody apart from my partner and my bestfriend. That’s it. Which is all I need really. Yes I’m in therapy atm my partner chose not to but I wanted it so have a few sessions booked in.
I just feel so empty and I don’t know how to live with myself even tho I know he would have suffered tremendously. I still can’t help but feel guilty. X

Thank you. I hope so too. I’m sorry you know how this feels 😔 it’s so unfair xx I don’t really know I just know I won’t be trying for 4yrs again. IVF could be an option for us but I just don’t know yet - the nobody cares I totally get it. Nobody does only me and my partner. Everyone else’s life carries on whilst ours stand still xx

so sorry your going through this. We was due in November but sadly she had patau syndrome. I hope you get some answers soon and talking defo does help x