Scared and angry at all the waiting!

[Fallulah]

First pregnancy after four years of trying. I’m in my forties so probably our only chance and even if it’s not, I don’t want to go through this again.

Had a private scan around 6 weeks when they could only see sacks and told me to wait two weeks for another scan. Had a scan at EPAU yesterday in which they confirmed they could now see fetal pole(s) but no decent growth or heartbeats. They said because of their guidelines I now I have to wait for a second scan in 7 days before doing anything, even though they’ve told us outright that nothing is going to change.

I know that I want MVA; I just want this gone and dealt with. I’m a teacher and feel like I’ve wasted all my break when I should have been resting and getting ready for next year just sitting around waiting and being anxious. I also need this resolved before term starts.

I’ve now scared myself with the horror stories on the miscarriage association website of what it’s like to let the pregnancy come away naturally and I am terrified in case that starts. Barely slept last night panicking about each twinge and whether I had started bleeding.

I can’t go anywhere or do anything - am I supposed to just sit here crying and waiting?!

I get this. I had this recently with the waiting but they said it was ectopic if it didn’t move!!!! I’ve had ptsd since and now I realise how crazy to be told this information as if it is absolutely fine.

in terms of yours, difficult but please try not to worry. I have had many miscarriages. You body will sort it out naturally which is often the best. So if you do miscarry I’m the mean time it isn’t too scary. Not much you can do but I totally totally understand.

I was sent away on one occasion at 11 weeks for a missed miscarry to wait 2 weeks to miscarry before going back into see them. I started miscarrying the next day. But I totally get that they don’t reassure you at all and it’s horrible.

sending hugs

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have had multiple miscarriages, the first I ended up with 4 scans over 4 weeks, the waiting was torture. The second only 2 weeks for 2 scans but it’s horrific. It’s such a horrid wait, but they have to be 1000% certain as they are ending a pregnancy. I’m so sorry x

Thank you. I’m just terrified of it starting by itself at home. I can’t sleep, I feel like I can’t go anywhere or do anything.

The weird thing is they told me on Friday that if I wanted the tablets to take and miscarry at home I could have them there and then, but I want the MVA. I just want it to be complete and not dragging on for ages, not least because I need to go back to work next week.

Im going to phone on Tuesday and see if I can be seen sooner. Feel like we’re just putting off the inevitable and I am not coping well.

I phoned the EPU this morning. They very patiently explained the NICE guidelines to me again about having to wait 7 days to check there has been no development… and then in the same breath said that they were pretty sure there wouldn’t be.

I am glad I phoned though because at least I now know that even when I have the scan on Friday I won’t be able to have any procedure until Monday, which theyve provisionally booked in the slot for. It’s not good enough but at least I have a timeline in my mind.

I still feel very pregnant - sore nipples, heartburn, having to get up multiple times in the night to wee. Still terrified that it will start at home. The woman on the phone said if it does there is nothing they can do.

If men had to go through this, I am convinced it would be different.

Just in case anyone ever finds this thread and wonders.

I made it to the 7 days with absolutely no pain, bleeding or signs that anything else was wrong, but at the scan there had been no development in the two fetal poles they could see. So they diagnosed missed miscarriage, probably at around 5 weeks although I would be 9 weeks today and my body has continued to give me pregnancy symptoms.

I had my MVA today. Arrived at hospital 8:30am and was home by 1:30pm. The procedure itself didn’t hurt at all - by far the worst part was the speculum, which was too big, but it was better when she used a smaller one (or maybe it was the threat of having to have the general anaesthetic procedure that made me put up with it).

I’m home now and in some pain with some bleeding, but I’m hoping that will ease. I’m so glad I was able to have this option.

Glad you are ok xx

Hope you’ve got your feet up and resting.

Glad you got what you needed. I will be thinking of you. Just came to say that I understand the fear and frustration of waiting. I have to wait 15 days for my scan to see if I am miscarrying or not.

It’s the waiting that’s awful, but rational me knows they have to give every chance before action.

I’ll be honest - the pain was awful for a few hours yesterday afternoon. It settled down and is now like a period cramp. Bleeding has pretty much stopped.

Yeah, I can understand that. Just makes you feel so helpless!

Wishing you all the best.