Missed miscarriage - hand holding needed

[am316]

Hi all, I very sadly had a missed miscarriage diagnosed today at a private scan. My dates put me at 9+3 but the scan showed baby stopped growing at 6+1 and no heartbeat. Devastating as we had a scan at the EPU at 6 weeks which showed a heartbeat and everything ok. It literally ended a few days after that scan. The person doing the private scan said I should go to the EPU and they would advise next steps. The EPU in my area has a system of calling and leaving a voicemail then they aim to return call within 24 hours. Because tomorrow is Friday then it's bank holiday weekend, I can't see anything being progressed until next week unfortunately. But maybe more time to process would be good, I still feel slightly in shock.

Any advice or general hand holding support as to what I should expect? Will they tell me to wait longer to see if the tissue comes out naturally, or offer medication straight away? Can you opt for surgery instead? What kind of things to think about/be aware of when weighing up options?

Thank you in advance xxx

I don’t have any advice but wanted to say how sorry I am to read of your loss.

Thank you. Hoping someone else responds. I've tried calling the EPU already this morning, and GP but no responses

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I had a missed miscarriage at the start of July; I had a scan at EGU as I was spotting and they found a twin pregnancy, but sadly one embryo hadn't developed properly and the other was measuring significantly behind so I knew it was bad news. I then had to wait 2 weeks to confirm that there was no growth and was offered 3 choices of management:

• conservative (waiting and seeing if it would pass naturally)
• medical (taking tablets, which trigger the bleeding)
• surgical (multiple different surgical options including under GA and whilst awake)

I opted for medical, but sadly after 3 rounds of medical treatment (over 4 weeks) I still have retained tissue so have surgical management under local anaesthetic today.

Just to reassure you that not everyone has to wait the 2 weeks - if you've already had the first scan at EGU then hopefully they won't ask you to wait

Hope that helps and feel free to PM x

Hi, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve had two missed miscarriages. For both I was offered the same as the PP. I opted for the MVA procedure both times. I chose this because I didn’t want to go through medical management then have to do surgical anyway because it didn’t work. The MVA is an awake procedure so you can leave hospital on the same day and you don’t have to have general anesthesia. It is not a pleasant procedure but it’s relatively quick. Do research it though if you consider it as some people find it much more painful.

theres no good solution for this horrible situation but MVA was the best of a bad bunch for me. I had no side effects or pain after it either.

Things to think of - expectant management could take a while to happen and could be painful. It can be a long drawn out process. Medical - same as above and you can be left with retained products of pregnancy and have to have surgery anyway. Surgical - ‘cleanest’ option as you are usually able to have a completed procedure BUT if you have already had surgical procedures or have scar tissue they might advise you to the other options and it can (not usually) effect TTC in the future.

again I’m so sorry. It’s so heartbreaking and this kind of loss is very difficult to process. I suggest therapy if you can access it. Sending strength xxx

Thank you so much both for your kind responses and I'm so sorry for your losses too. It's an awful awful thing to go through. @PBandJellySandwichi really hope your procedure goes ok today what a journey.

So I ended up calling a different EPU not my local hospital but still local-ish. They have a walk-in tomorrow for emergencies and the doctor I spoke to said they can scan to confirm the private scan for me, then either start medical management tomorrow or book in for surgery next week. I've been reading through options and I think I will go for surgery. Unfortunately I have a TFMR at 22 weeks in my history and that was medically managed, essentially induced labour. It was the most traumatic ordeal and I think medical management for this, although I know very different as it's earlier, will bring up too much trauma for me. I feel like I need to mentally separate the two experiences.

Is it normal to be so desperate to TTC again already? It's just so unbelievably sad and so unfair 😞

I just made a thread for my own experiences. The short version is that surgical is shocking, pain free but hard to acclimatise to, medical is more uncomfortable but not guaranteed.

Its so normal to be desperately looking ahead. Normal and healthy. Don't hang every hope on it, but believing in the future was one way I got through

I'm so so sorry OP. It's a heartbreaking situation to be in. So sorry to read of your TFMR also x

I also had a MMC, found out at 11 weeks that the baby stopped growing at 9 weeks - days after we saw the heartbeat at a private scan.

Totally normal to be desperate to try again - forward thinking can be helpful. For now, take time to rest, try and process and be kind to yourself. We are always here if you need to talk...some of the ladies on here have helped me no end ❤️

I am so sorry OP
Such a devastating shock. It is so sad and unfair. I hope the EPU are as supportive as they can be tomorrow.
It is a horrific feeling and so am so sorry to hear about your previous loss.
life is so cruel

When faced with options, I just went with my gut - despite some pressure from family to go with another ‘more practical’ option. It’s the one thing looking back I can take contentment from- I stood up for myself and went with my instinct.

take care tomorrow

So sorry OP. I’ve had similar except only found out at 13 week scan that things had gone wrong weeks before.

I opted for medical management but similar to a PP, it didn’t remove everything so had to have surgical anyway. Wish I’d just opted for surgical in the first place, it was pain free and I was able to move on faster.

Hang on in there. I’d had a baby just over a year after the MMC and 2 more followed after that without any further mc’s. Fingers crossed things will go smoothly for you after this.

I had a mmc years ago and opted to let it pass naturally.
If I had my time again there’s no way I’d chose that option again it prolonged the whole emotional agony.
I ended up being taken to hospital by ambulance as everything came away at once.
big hugs to you as it’s just an awful experience

I am so sorry OP. It is the worst thing to deal with. Just utterly heartbreaking.
ive had the surgery twice for missed miscarriages and absolutely think that was the best choice for me. I was in at 7:30am and home by 4 both times, with it all ‘done’.
I also had my first surgery on New Years Day (depressingly), which of course was a bank holiday, so I think everything still goes ahead as usual over the bank holidays.
I hope you are able to see the EPU today, and get the scan etc. if you have the surgery, they will take pre op bloods etc and book you on. We are all here for you x

I had MMC many years ago now. I remember how sad I felt and how alone as it’s a very different experience for the woman than the man. Medical management worked well for me.

I think I would also strongly consider opting for surgical route if I had your past experiences.

I was most definitely a “try as soon as possible again” person. It was the approach that worked best for me.

All I would recommend is try and be as kind as you possibly can to yourself. Take care.

No advice but a big hug. I was in your shoes last week. They wanted me to wait and I passed the tissue naturally. It's hard. Take good care of yourself.

I am sorry for your loss
I experienced similar 21 years ago and the EPAU were quick frankly awful.
We went Private for surgical removal and it was all sorted very quickly, I didn't want to wait for "nature to take its course" as I was told at our NHS hospital.
I was very well looked after and went home 24 hours later with antibiotics and strong painkillers but I had very little pain and was physically fine very quickly
I have a 20 year old and a 16 year old now

Thank you all so much for your responses ❤️ you feel so alone going through it it helps knowing others get it. I got to the EPU ridiculously early this morning as I read it was first come first serve. Almost comically early it was all still dark in the waiting room and no one there. But it did mean I got seen first and didn't have to wait too long around all the other hopeful couples which is hard.

The sonogroaher was very kind and sensitive, the scan confirmed the findings from the private scan and they have booked me in for surgery on Friday. It's a little late in the week but I need to have general anaesthetic instead of local because of having a bicornuate uterus. The nurse said any complication like that and they opt for general so they have have more of a close look and go carefully etc. In a way I wonder if general might make it even easier, to just go to sleep and wake up with it all over.

Thank you for others' experiences of wanting to try again as soon as possible. It feels like the only thing that will help me 'heal' after this ❤️

So sorry you are going through this. I too am going through it right now - private scan was last Thursday. They booked me in the very next day for a scan (the NHS like to do their own scan at the EPU to confirm). They didn't do anything more until Wednesday just gone, so nearly a week after my scan. I chose the medicated route. But, I don't think it's worked. I had a natural miscarriage at the beginning of the year, and I haven't had nearly as much bleeding and clots as I did then (and even then I had RPOC). I kind of think I should have just let it all happen naturally again. It took until my 2nd period post-miscarriage to lose all the tissue, so it did take a while last time. I've never had a D&C but because I have had 3 losses now (1 chemical) I'm a bit apprehensive about going for surgery if I'm going to have a few losses.

I’m so glad you were seen! I’m so surprised that the talk of local anaesthetic was even considered! With both of mine it wasn’t even a discussion. I can’t imagine the emotional torment of being awake during it. I hope you are ok over the next 6 days. X