Anyone who didn’t get their ‘rainbow’ baby?

[Aurorapat]

I’m writing this after going for a private ultrasound on Sunday thinking I was around 12 weeks and finding out that the pregnancy had died at 10 weeks. This is my 6th pregnancy loss and I’m waiting for surgery to remove it. I have had 4 miscarriages and 2 ectopics. After being diagnosed with a blood clotting condition last year I was put on medication, and I thought this one might work out.

I guess the reason I am posting this is because I am fed up of searching for similar stories which almost always end up with the person or couple ending up with a healthy baby at the end. I am starting to believe that this just isn’t going to work out that way for us, the pain is unbearable at times and it has now been ongoing for 3 years. I’m just wondering if there’s any experiences out there of people who have experienced this amount of loss and decided to stop trying. If there can be a happy ending without that longed for baby at the end?

I think it's really tough, the people who talk about infertility are those who have 'overcome' it disproportionately. I still haven't had a good answer from either of the clinics we used when i asked how many women leave their care without a live birth. I don't know if they don't want to say or if they just don't know? Moving on from fertility treatment is painted like some sort of failure of willpower but i am sure some couples just move past the need to keep slogging at it

i don't really like to advertise what we want through as i cant recommend it even though a now a very happy result, but we had 14 embryo transfers, which i hadn't really clocked up in the haze of the relentless madness of it until i saw it written on the operating sheet going in for our final try

Thank you for your response. I admire your strength to go through 14 transfers and I’m glad it worked out for you.

I guess only being 3 days into my loss it’s too soon to make any decisions long term.

Absolutely yes too early. Be kind to yourself x

I have a couple of friends that had extensive fertility treatment but are childless, they are my age, so past the point you have children, and at peace with the fact they won’t be parents, embracing travel, retiring in their early 50’s and are very happy, it took them a few years to get to this point, right through to mid 40’s there was a chance but once the ship sailed it was actually better. It’s definitely a different lifestyle, but they can be happy and seem not to have issues being with friends with dc