Loss at 6 weeks, should I / how do I tell family

[Esm2020]

I was 7 weeks pregnant (with my first) and hadn’t told any family at all. We lost the baby this past week, which was what I can only describe as traumatic tbh. I lost the baby at a family party, whilst we were excitedly hiding the fact that we were expecting 😞

my partner does not want to tell his family, as his sister also miscarried her first and has not tried again - this would be their first grandchild and he thinks this would be unfair on them

but I’m unsure about telling my family. My mum is the most supportive person in yhe world and an ex nurse, my sister is also heavily pregnant and hot on holistic approaches as this is how she’s conceived with endo

I hate feeling a victim, I hate sympathy and I definitely don’t want to talk about it. But I feel they should know. So I’m very torn?!
any advice?

I only told friends and colleagues at the time. My in-laws were visiting the weekend of both of my miscarriages and I was happy to tell them as an explanation as to why I wasn't super cheerful but my partner didn't want to and we operate a "your parents your decision" policy.
I'm now in my 3rd trimester with another pregnancy, we have told my partners family that we had losses and I've told one of my sisters but not my parents or other sister.

I don't like fussy and sympathy. My mum would make it about her and it's just not what I need. The sister I told had two losses herself trying for her second and her marriage broke down soon after the second loss so I knew she would be supportive but also not intrusive and it's not something she's brought up since me telling her.

It's a personal decision but one thing I live by is you only have to share with someone what you want to share and talk about. You owe no one your story.

Im so sorry. I never told a soul (obviously husband knew) about my miscarriages until I finally got my baby. I’m a no fuss, sympathy or drama person and a very closed book so just didn’t feel the need to share my sadness. Some people need support and I totally understand that so just do whatever feels right for you. Good luck if you decide to try again x

I’m sorry for your loss but So many pregnancies are lost before 12 weeks.
That’s why years ago, pregnancies were not broadcast until after the 3 months had passed. Sometimes even later.

This is your business. Keep it to yourself.

No idea whether you should say anything or not. If it was me I'd probably just have told my mum and maybe a best friend and sister.

I told my mum about one loss, purely because because DSus was also pregnant and at that precise moment I couldn’t bear DM rabbiting on about it. If it wasn’t for that I wouldn’t have told her - no need, and (although she’s generally lovely) she wasn’t the support I needed.

Do what’s right for you, there’s no correct response.

It’s so difficult isn’t it, our MC was last week at 7 weeks as well 🙁 As heartbroken as we are it seemed best to keep it as quiet as possible to avoid all the awkward conversations and sympathy. Haven’t told any family but it’s getting to a point where I’m feeling like we should. There’s been constant talks of other people who are pregnant and it’s been a struggle not to get upset at times.

Hope you’re doing as okay as you can @Esm2020 X

Wtf? There's nothing shameful about a miscarriage and it's entirely up to the individual if they want to share.

People should only keep miscarriages to themselves if that's what feels right.

I'm so sorry OP. I told my mum and my best friend, when I had my losses at a similar time. I think that helped me, although it's obviously completely a personal decision.

Let them know what’s happened but tell them that you don’t want to talk about it and would rather move on.

Do you want to tell them? Do you want their support? If you feel that you would benifit from the support then tell them.

I only told our parents about the IVF and the miscarriages. We lost two sets of twins. My eldest was our last embryo. Our parent knew but we didn't tell siblings until after 16/17 weeks. I told everyone else at 24+ weeks. No announcements just told people when I saw them. I also asked that no gifts were purchased until after the birth. I just didn't want anyone to know my business. Although, I talk more openly about it now.

I told everyone.

I had been through something incredibly traumatic - why should I hide that?

my baby existed, even if it were only for 10 weeks and to keep that a secret I felt like I were denying them. However, it is completely personal to you. Don’t make the decision based on how it will affect others. Base it on what you personally need to get through this.

I have had eleven miscarriages. The only one people know of is the one I carried to twenty two weeks and sadly had a infection that caused them to be stillborn and thats only because they knew i was pregnant. I dont deal with sympathy very well.
Im so sorry for your loss op, you do whatever you feel will help you come to terms with it.