need advice on v late miscarriage/stillbirth

[smittenkitten]

apologies - I don't know the right terminology for when there's a miscarriage at 8 months PG and I don't want to upset anyone. A woman I work with has just gone on maternity leave and has lost the baby. it's their first baby. What, if anything, would you have wanted to hear to have done if you've been through similar?

I'd really like advice on how to support her and reach out to her if that's a helpful thing to do.

thanks for your help

She'll be in shock.

As nice as the thought is, don't send flowers. The last thing she/they will be able to deal with is vases and flowers at the moment.

Send her a card. She/they will barely register it at the moment, but there will come a time in the future when it will help to know that you cared.

I had a friend who this happened too, made worse because we were both pregnant at the same time. My DH and I wrote a letter expressing our sorrow for them, as felt we would be the last people they wanted to see. Saw them a few weeks later and just listened to what she wanted to tell me about the whole experience. Think it's important to acknowledge the baby and not to shy away from the fact it's happened.
She had a healthy little boy last month.

Well, you've made a good start by at least asking, tbh. This has been very popular on the SANDS messageboard, and is a good place to start. Card good, but agree with Bubble that flowers not a good idea - I hated getting them. And don't shy away from talking about the baby when you see her - she's given birth, she's a mother and has all the same feelings and need to talk about her child.

Ask her about her child and do not hesitate to mention it in the future.

This happened to a very good friend of mine. She lost her baby at 39 wks. SHe HATES the term stillborn. "sorry about your still born". It was her baby, and she always refers to her by her name.

If you send a card, and you know what the baby would have been called then write in the baby's name.

My friend told me that I was the only person who'd ever asked to see pictures of her baby. I know that's only appropriate if it is a good friend. But I think you have to be brave and not skirt around what happened to them. It was awful, awful, awful, but it really did happen. does that help at all?