Have to say goodbye to my baby boy

[booJo24902]

Basically what the title says , we found out at 20weeks he has a serious heart defect and could be born with his organs the wrong way and lots of other things.
mum absolutely devastated. We waited 3yrs to conceive him and we can’t keep him. I’m so angry at the world and it’s so unfair.
the hospital have said I can have surgery but wouldn’t know if another hospital would do it or a abortion clinic.
I genuinely cannot give birth to him. I’ve thrown up over the thought I just can’t do it I’m not strong enough to do this let alone give birth.
I have to have the injection which I’m absolutely terrified over and then have surgery.
has anyone been through the same?
I really don’t want to do this but I know I have to do what’s best for baby xx

So sorry for your loss. I haven’t had this but wanted to give you a handhold and bump your post back to the top of the board so someone more helpful may see it.

So sorry for your loss.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

As a pp I’m replying to make sure you post stays near the top and hopefully someone will come along to help you 💐

Just wanted to add I’m 22 weeks on Wednesday. And have severe ptsd after my last birth.
thank you all for the lovely messages xx

You have to do whatever you can cope with. You’re facing something horrendous. Don’t take any ‘brave’ options. Not wanting to go through labour is completely understandable. You may want to see the baby after or you may not. Don’t feel pressured. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I’m so sorry this happened to you

I also have no experience or wisdom but am sending you all the love OP, & bumping to keep your thread noticeable. I’m so so sorry for what you’re going through 💐

I'm so sorry you are facing this. In 2009 I experienced having to make the hardest decision ever and end my pregnancy at 21 weeks after my daughter being incompatible with life.
She wasn't my first child, I had to experience labour. If you aren't able to face that - find another way to make this as least traumatic as possible. It's devastating to attempt to process all the emotions and anger.
Here if you want to message at all. Sending lots of love xx

There used to be a charity ARC - antenatal results and choices , they were amazing not sure if they're still around.

www.arc-uk.org/

I'm so sorry love ❤️ our boy died during birth, he had Trisomy 13. Its the worst of the worst and it does fill you with so much anger.
Send me a wee DM if you ever want to talk or need a wee handhold throughout. I'm thinking of you.

I'm so sorry you are going though this OP

I'd TTC 4yrs with my 1st pregnancy, but I had TFMR due to patau syndrome. Also a baby boy. I was only 12 weeks though and it was recommended I had medical management.

Hopefully you have a specialist bereavement midwife for support or someone you can ask questions to? I think they can do the medical procedure using a screen/sheet if you preferred not to see the process. I can completely understand wanting the surgical option though.

Writing a letter to your baby can help release some feelings and thoughts. My experience was a bit difference, but I'm happy to answer any questions if I can help.

Remember that this isn't your fault and you are not alone OP xxx

So sorry that you have had this devastating news about your son.

Also coming on to say how very sorry I am to hear your news. Sending you a huge hug.

I’m so so sorry @booJo24902

I had a very similar situation last year. We went for our 20 weeks scan and found out that baby had a heart problem. Several days later the consultant confirmed hypoplastic left heart syndrome and we had to make the awful decision to end our pregnancy.

The injection for me was the worst part. Usually they told me it’s uncomfortable but not painful. I did find the procedure painful but the team of consultants and midwives were so lovely and tried their best to make the experience less traumatic for me.

I chose medical management so I can’t comment on the surgical side. I delivered our little boy At just short of 22 weeks. I got to spend some time with him afterwards and although it was heartbreaking I’m so glad that I did it as I’ll remember those moments forever.

Yesterday was the anniversary of his birth. I still think about him all the time and wish things had been different as my life would be so different now.

Sending you love. I hope you have a good support network around you who can help you through. Take as much time as you need. I took 6 weeks off work and then returned gradually. My workplace were excellent even though my manager had never had this situation before. I feel very grateful for that.

if you want someone to talk to please drop me a message. I know it can be a lonely time

My baby boy was born at 21+6 yesterday morning after months of subchrionic hematoma, low fluid then eventually PPROM last week. He held on for over a week with no fluid before I ended up giving birth. I wouldn’t let them intervene before unless there was risk to my life. I just wanted to say I’m sorry and if you want to talk to someone who understands I am here x

Oh god I’m so sorry. I had SH with my son too! I bled all through first trimester. I’m so sorry you know how this feels 😔 here if you ever need a chat xx

its genuinely the hardest thing you will ever go through as a parent, but just take each hour/ each day as it comes. I think I’ve found that’s the only way to cope. And don’t be afraid to cry, it’s better out than in x

I’m so sorry, OP.
Whatever you choose to do, the hospital staff will do their very best to help you, so please don’t worry about deciding to do what feels right.
Your little boy will always be very special. Have you chosen a name for him?
I don’t have any direct experience of this but know someone who has - she and I speak her little girl’s name and remember. Sending you hugs.