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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Baby Loss 💔

3 replies

ThisOpenLimeDuck · 19/06/2025 19:43

Hey I just wanted to start a thread on this topic incase anyone else is feeling like me or has any advice for me.

i recently found out i was pregnant, it was a huge shock as my children are 21 & 19 but i was over the moon as 2 years ago i tried everything and it just didn’t happen for us and we sort of put it to bed and I did say if it didn’t happen by time I was 40 and I turned 40 and found out the following days after.

as it’s been so long since I was “mummy” and obviously I was very young when I last was, I was in a rubbish relationship mentally unstable suffered with horrendous HG for both pregnancies for the whole 9 months and had pre natal depression I didn’t have a good time, so this felt like I was doing it for the first time, as an adult in such a loving relationship and in a whole world of a better situation…I’m of course still “Mum” but to two financially independent children..so it’s like I’ve been me again for a few years now, and as soon as I seen them two lines my whole identity changed I felt like Mummy again and I guess now I’ve suffered an ectopic pregnancy and had surgery 2 weeks ago I’m struggling with switching back to pre positive pregnancy test, I still feel like I’m in the body of a pregnant woman, the way I hold myself the way I feel 🥺 it’s so hard. I know it’s early days and I’m probably being unkind to myself but I look in the mirror and for the first time I got ready yesterday did my makeup, put my lashes on and did my hair and one of my fave very new outfits and I just didn’t feel like the person who last wore them before them two lines and before I went through the last two weeks, I don’t feel like her anymore. It’s like I’m still telling myself I’m pregnant and I feel like a weirdo.

has anyone else experienced this kind of identity crisis? I feel like I’m going mad it’s the first time I’ve ever been through anything like this and it’s really hard…I just want to so desperately be a Mummy xx

OP posts:
Coccinelle2 · 19/06/2025 20:02

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. I went through similar a few years ago when trying for a much-wanted 3rd child and it's terribly hard - not just the immediate loss but when we lose a baby we lose our own hopes for our future with our child and our identity as their parent too. Be gentle with yourself: you have just been through a very traumatic event and I don't think feeling a bit adrift is unusual at all. I'm sending a hug and I hope you're able to take the time to grieve and have lots of support around you? Take care x

Tinytotdriver · 20/06/2025 20:58

Yep, literally just had an MVA on Thursday after having a missed miscarriage. I feel exactly the same, it’s like you get used to the idea of having a baby inside you and thinking about them and your near future life, and adapting what you do/eat etc and then it’s just gone and you are left to try go back to before somehow. It’s difficult! I think time is a bit of a healer ❤️‍🩹

Tinytotdriver · 20/06/2025 20:59

Also, I’m so sorry you’re going through loss as well & I hope you’re recovering well from your surgery ❤️‍🩹

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