Termination at 23 weeks

[georgia001]

Hi everyone
I was informed recently that my baby boy has a severe heart defect, meaning he would need several operations in his life, including one when he is just hours old, we are absolutely devastated. I don’t feel like I will ever forgive myself.

After a difficult couple of weeks going back and fourth on our options, we have decided it would be the kindest thing to say goodbye to our baby boy now, rather than later.

I already have 2 young children under 5 years old, and with the uncertainty of the future, we feel like this is the right thing to do for everybody at this time.

We didn’t want him to be in any pain or fear at points in his life, the worry every time he went for another operation, asking ourselves if we were going to get that dreaded phone call, would anything go wrong, is he going to be ok, how is this going to effect our other children?

any help / support is very much welcome and needed.

My sweet boy, I am so sorry, see you on the other side 💙

Sending strength and love x

This is something which is no one else's business to decide or judge you on.

Is it HLHS? I don't personally have experience but a close family member does, I was with her at the 20 week scan when she found out. She terminated. She had a child already, and wasn't really set up for the logistics of it all should she have continued with the pregnancy. Also, the effect it might have on the already existing child would be significant. Its so sad, and an awful decision to have to make. Huge hugs 💐

I understand what it is like OP. And I am so sorry x

I’m so, so sorry, OP.

I'm so sorry and I'm sure the decision was made with all the love in the world for your baby. I'm so sorry xx

I’ve been exactly here OP, in September 2020. My daughter was 22 weeks when we said goodbye, 20 weeks we found out about her heart condition.

I didn’t want her to feel any pain, ever, and we also had two other girls to consider. It’s the most awful decision to have to make, breaks my heart when I hear that another parents has had to do so.

Please reach out if you want to talk, more than happy to be a listening ear or answer any questions if I can x

thank you for your kind response. If you don’t mind there are some things I’d like to ask, how do I do that on here? It’s my first time using this. X

Sending love to you and your family 💐💙

I’ve sent you a private message (I think lol)

I had to do it via the browser version, not the app, so might have to check there x

OP I am so sorry. It would be wrong to ask if you are doing ok because this is an extremely difficult time, but I hope you are grieving in the ways you need to cope with this pain. Know that you have made the right choice - an extremely kind and considered choice, for you, your S/O, your children and importantly your baby boy who did not meet you earth-side but will be with you always, in ways nobody can ever take away from you. Never doubt that you had the absolute love and priority of him held highest. I am so sorry for your loss and the gap it has left which can never be filled. My thoughts are with you and your family, take good care.

I'm so sorry OP. Sending you lots of love and strength.

In our religion we believe these babies go straight to heaven and they ask for their mothers and that they are indeed reunited with their parents in heaven.

It is a horrible position to be in, and I feel so bad for you - you have the hopes and dreams for the baby much earlier and don't expect it, I had to do the same at 22 weeks with my firstborn, a son. We were told he had anencephaly, it is not compatible with life and he might have been born alive but would have had severe complications and would live hours at most. I had to go through the labour (too late on to do anything other safely), and although it was awful it was short and they did apply plenty of painkillers (it not being that relevant at this point to the baby's welfare). I took something to stop the baby from being born alive, I have never felt worse. I ended up having a D&C under general as all was not well after the birth. I did not get over it for a long time after, physically OK, but mentally was very difficult. The hospital was very good under the circumstances. I know the situation is slightly different, but as OP have said, feel free to PM me - wishing you strength and love xx