TTC After Loss

[NatalieSF]

I couldn't find a thread dedicated to this, feel free to link me if there is one already 💕

Is anyone else TTC after loss? I am TTC after a 34 week loss in February due to placenta abruption. I have so many mixed emotions about TTC, the battle of I want my baby but it won't bring her back and the am I replacing her guilt. I am just hoping to create a supportive thread with people who understand 💕

Hi @NatalieSF I am so sorry for your loss, that is absolutely devastating.
i just wanted to say I understand the mixed emotions. I miscarried a daughter at 12 weeks for reasons unknown, then conceived again against the odds (I’m quite a bit older). I thought he was my rainbow baby, but received devastating news in the early second trimester and had to TFMR. It was agony. I said at the time no more, I could never go through this again. Part of me still thinks that way but there is this one part of me that keeps on thinking that maybe I should try one more time. I don’t know what the answer is, but I wanted to express my empathy to you and what you’ve been through and going through.

Hi, thank you for replying I really appreciate it 💕 I'm sorry for your loss, it's a devastating experience 😞 sending you love with whatever you choose to do 💓 x

Right back at you @NatalieSF . Have you had any grief counselling or do you think it could help a little? It wasn’t really for me but maybe it would help you process the grief more so you can separate your grief for the baby you lost from what you really want now. Best of luck to you and I wish you healing x

Hello! Can I join you guys!
My story is last Feb I had a miscarriage at 10weeks, then got pregnant again with twins which was a massive shock, unfortunately my waters broke at 22 weeks with one of my twins (they shared a placenta but had seperate sacs) I managed to hold on until 24weeks when they were born. Unfortunately we lost one twin at 3days old and another at 7 days old! That was in January so we have been Ttc since a few months after!

I completely understand the conflict of guilt and wanting another baby, my period was late last month and I had a full blown panic attack when I thought I was pregnant again!

Hi there
I lost my little boy in March due to an acute placental abruption and nuchal cord. I had an emergency section, but we are desperate to go again.
did you have a section? Xx

How are you now op, or anyone else on this thread?
I had a mmc at 8 weeks in March and then lost my son at 15 weeks this month. We are obviously not trying again just yet but I am so conflicted. The thought of never bringing home another baby for our empty third bedroom absolutely kills me but at the same time I don't want 'another' pregnancy, I want my pregnancy back.

I start Bereavment therapy this week for the loss of my twins so I’m hoping that will help!
I am very lucky that I have 2 boys so they distract me especially with 6 week holidays!
I understand what you mean about you just want your pregnancy back rather than being pregnant again!
my biggest concern is everyone wrapping me in cotton wool when I do get pregnant again 🤦🏼‍♀️

how are you? Your very early days in your grief give yourself some time! And be kind to yourself! When I was in the early days of losing my girls I walked for miles every day just to help clear my head!

@Niftyowl I am waiting for my counselling sessions to come through. I really hope yours helps. I'm desperate to talk about it but I don't think anyone wants to hear the details.

I have a toddler who is definitely a distraction but I also feel so guilty because sometimes I just want to sob on the sofa without her.

I feel the same with being wrapped up in cotton wool. I know the women I work with will want to look after me but I think it will just make me feel more anxious. If I do have another, I think I will never be off the advice line for every little niggle as I can't help but wonder if things would have been different had I gone into hospital quicker, rested more etc.

I'm still really struggling with flashbacks and bursting into tears with no warning but hopefully this will get less and less. How are you feeling now you have had some time to process everything?

I found talking helps, I have a bit of a dark sense of humour so sometimes I quite enjoy how uncomfortable it makes people feel 🤣 when I talk about my babies, my boys both talk about them too! My littlest tells strangers in street he has 2 baby sisters who died!

No one’s going to begrudge answering your niggles next time!

I always wonder if I had rested if I’d done less would my waters have broken but I try stop myself thinking like that! I find it hardest when I’m on my own driving I end up in tears!

I feel a lot better than I did a few weeks after, I like to look for little signs they are visiting me like if I see 2 butterflies together near me I defo think it’s my girls coming to say hello!

people are right about what they say time is a great healer and we find ways to honour our little girls, so we’ve planted a pear tree in the garden for them (because they were a pair)!
Find ways to honour your little boy and he will defo be sending signs he’s still with you!

@Niftyowl I'm glad things feel a little easier for you now. Planting a tree is a lovely idea and something I was actually thinking about today while we were out for a walk.

I really do want to talk about him, the same way I would my daughter, so I'll just have to go for it and stop worrying about upsetting people!

@bk1981 talk about him don’t care what other people think! It doesn’t matter, do you know anyone in real life whose been through it?
it made a real difference to me that I’ve a friend who went through similar years ago so she really supported me!

Hi everyone hope your all well and thank you for replying.

@Lemonvalleyno I've had no counselling yet but I'm on the list. I had a hospital to home worker who would visit me every week and we would talk as she had been through baby loss too.

@Niftyowlim sorry for your losses, really sounds like a devastating time for you.

@T410im so sorry, yes I had an emergency section but was given the all clear for TTC at my debrief.

@bk1981im doing ok . I'm sorry for your losses. I understand the wanting your pregnancy back. I very much had this too and still do. I think I will always want it back.

I think I got everyone sorry if I have missed anyone. I actually created a whatsapp chat for ttc after loss if anyone wants to join, you don't need to be TTC right now it's just for us to chat with those who understand 🥰

@NatalieSF was it your first baby?
I am in a very similar position to you, as mine was emergency section and also an acute placental abruption. We had our debrief and they said we could TTC again, that was only 4 months post c-section which I was shocked at. I did have a small 2cm vertical cut as well, so it’d be an elective section in the future. Did they say you’re at risk of abruption again? My baby had a really short umbilical cord which they think caused the abruption but also unfortunately got caught round his neck, they also believe I maybe have a weak cervix as I did dilate without pain. I had PPROM, but they think abruption caused this

There are lots of charities that do counselling, I am availing of one in Northern Ireland, as that is where I am from, not the NHS one.

No she was my 5th. during my pregnancy I had a hematoma and then constant UTI's, I was having growth scans due to her size and then I had restricted blood flow on one of my scans so was having weekly scans with a plan of induction between 34 and 37 weeks but unfortunately my placenta abrupted the day before my 34 week appointment. I had an emergency section and lost a lot of blood as my blood wouldn't clot so spent a lot of time in hospital after. I then had my debrief in May and was also shocked that I could TTC again. They didn't say if I was at risk again but I'd be put on aspirin and have more care.

We have a local held in our hearts charity I've been working with they have been really supportive. I did a butterfly release in her memory with them a few weeks ago.

Hello I hope you don’t mind me messaging ? I lost my baby girl Hallie at 35 weeks a month ago on Saturday ! I had a huge placenta abruption and nearly died myself. I just wondered how you were getting on ?? Have you fallen pregnant again and how is your care with the NHS following a stillbirth? I am so sorry that happened to you xxx

Hey 👋🏼 I'm so sorry for your loss, it's truly heartbreaking.💔

I'm doing ok we're on our 4 month of TTC and I think I got my first vvvvfl this morning so retesting tomorrow. Honestly my hospital have been pretty rubbish, not in terms of new pregnancy care as I haven't had that experience yet but after my debrief in May they've kind of disappeared into the background, there's been no checking everything's normal after my section or my hormone levels etc.

Your welcome to join our WhatsApp but we have a few that are already pregnant so it may be triggering for you ♥️

@NatalieSF aww thank you SO much for replying and tentative congratulations on your faint line how exciting !! Did the hosptial say you were okay to start trying straight away after the c section? I have read they say a year but my fertility clinic said 3 months and I am deff listening to my fertility clinic as I don’t have much trust in the NHS at the moment after everything with Hallie !!! Is that a whatsap with people trying to get pregnant after stillbirth ? I would love to join too x xxx

I was told 6 months at my debrief but I only waited 3 🙈 I've waited long enough every month just felt like a delay. Its just a WhatsApp for those who have experienced loss some are TTC some aren't atm. Its small but supportive ♥️ https://chat.whatsapp.com/GLSZVksNVEyEn0oPzy1KLI?mode=ems_copy_c